nursery first timer

[June2009]

I feel a bit stupid posting this as I know this is typical pfb syndrome.

pfb dd 8mo will be starting nursery in 2 weeks, 2 or 3 mornings a week so that I can work.
We took her there with us when we visited it and one of the carer took her to play with the other kids, she seemed perfectly happy there until we stepped back in the room (from having a look 5 minutes next door in the toddlers sectino) and she started crying.
Normal reaction I am told. (not sure why, I would have expected her to cry when we stepped out of the room or when she realised she couldn't see us anymore.)

This nursery does an introduction week where you go in and leave the baby 20 minutes with them one day, then you leave her for lunch the next time, then do a whole morning, then do a whole day.

So someone please share your experience of the first time you left your child at nursery and tell me they have a good time there and that we're making the right decision.
We have no close family who can look after her here at the moment and I do actually like the idea of her socialising, she loves the groups we go to.
She's only 8 mo and ideally I would have wanted to wait longer but I really need the time to work.

Hi there!

Please don't fret over the nursery thing - it really isn't as bad as people say!

My ds started nursery 4 days a week from 8months. We also did the same settling in process as you have mentioned. First time stayed with him, second time left for half hour, then left for morning, then he did morning and a lunch, then he did morning, lunch and nap, then a full day.

I was probably lucky in that my ds just loved it. He never cried when I left or when I returned (much to my annoyance if I'm honest!!). But I know plenty of babies who did and if you hid around the corner you would see that baby soon stops when distracted by toys and play.

DS still loves it and, maybe I'm lucky, in that he loves all his care workers and they love him. In summer they take them outside to play and when I would pick him up he wouldn't want to leave as was having so much fun!

They learn so much at nursery, get to form new relationships, interact with other children and generally get on with learning to enjoy life. DS does so many activities that I wouldn't be able to offer so I know its all worth it.

Your DD maybe a little apprehensive at first as it is all new for her, but soon enough she will be fitting right in. My DS is now one of the oldest in the baby room (he's 18m) and rules the roost! It won't be long before your DD is letting you know what she did, who her friends are and all the cuddles she's been given.

hth

My dd found it quite tough but now (a month or so in ) she is one of the happiest children there.
There is a bit of a dilemma as children/babies need to know that they can get comfort when their main carer is not around (which suggests you should not hang around very much) but that they should also feel secure and content in their new surronndings (which suggests that you should stay with them loads to settle them. I think different nurserys have different rules to deal with these conflicting issues. My advice is that different children need different things so if you feel that your child needs a different approach then go with it

DS was 6 months when he started nursery

he settled really well - he had a lovely key worker which was great

i was much more upset than him!

when he got to toddlerhood he used to cry when i went to pick him up

if the nursery is good, the staff kind and nurturing then your DD will be fine

My DD started nursery at just under 6 months. She was fine on the first day when I stayed with her, but when I left the room it was awful - she would not stop crying, so I only stayed out for 10 minutes. The second time she was happy for about 1 hour without me. The third visit she stayed for 3 hours without any problems.

DD is now 22 months and absolutely loves nursery. Most days she runs in and immediately starts playing with her favourite toys. Occasionally she has a few tears - when she moved up to the next room, so things were not so familiar to her was a rough patch. But, as NobbyD says, the tears have never lasted. At DDs nursery, if any child is crying when a parent leaves, one of the staff will always cuddle them and get them involved in choosing a favourite activity. The tears do not last more than a minute or two.

So I think it is reasonable of you to expect a few tears (either DDs or yours!) at first. Your DD's reaction when you returned to the room is also not uncommon. She was having so much fun without you that she might not have really noticed that you had gone, until you returned. The she cries to say 'how dare you leave me'. When I go to pick my DD up now, she runs to me, gives me a huge hug, and then wants to leave me and carry on playing.

Yes, some children cry when you return, and this is totally normal, as Running says (happens even with some 2 and 3 year olds where I work).

Some ignore you when you return, as if too punish you (!) again normal. Some are really pleased to see you (normal, and nicer for parents)

DD (PFB) started at a nursery 3 days a week (8am-6pm) when she was 6 months old as I was going back to work. She was a very contented baby and settled in (although it took a while as I was weaning her off breast milk at the time) - and yes she cried when we picked her up thats normal, she did that every day the was there, for 2 months.

But after 2 months we had to take her out, it wasn't the right enviroment for her or us.
A lot of our experience was because the nursery wasn't very good, for example, nappies changed at set times of day, DD's eczema cream not applied, lots of temporary staff, staff smoking on their breaks and then coming back to look after the children, DD left to sleep even when I asked them to wake her - one day she slept for 6 HOURS out of the 10 she was there.

Luckily at that point my close friend was going back to work, we did a nanny share that didn't actually cost any more, and my DD was then looked after by a lovely nanny who didn't smoke, who applied the eczema cream, looked after her when she was (slightly) ill, changed her nappy when she needed it changed, woke her up after naps etc and she got to socialise with my friends DD as well as other children the nannies friends were looking after.

As its only mornings, it will be fine, but you both need time to settle into new routine.