I am failing as a mother

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

And I know as my 8 year old has just told me

"You are giving me bad care and you are bad parents."

It all just went nuclear. How much longer can I fuck up their lives by being shite at this mother lark?

A neighbour watched them for 5 minutes for me today and then told them she wouldn't watch them while I walked the dog as she couldn't trust them to behave . I nearly cried.

I have tried so hard and had so many posts and help on here but I am just not up to it.

DH has shouted at the 8 year old, scared me, made me feel rubbish and responsible and i just feel like crying.

I am in so much pain atm, dh has to work tonight and has huge work stresses and I just break my heart over ds1 as I love him so much. He deserves better.

The same neighbour who wouldn't watch them for me tomorrow yesterday said I should give him for responsibility and he might surprise me but I would find that hard as I am so precious about him. We nearly lost him at the beginning of the pregnancy, then at the end so I guess I am over protective of him. I also could do what I wanted at 8 as my foster parents didn't care at all about me.

Fabisgoing...believe thi; i had a good childhood you know the norm. and i stayed at home deliberately with the dos but still my ds says he thought i did'nt love him 'cos i tried not make a fave of him to be fair to his sisters.

it seems we get it in the neck wWHATEVER WE DO!!! parents are aways wrong!!!!

You are a good mum honest!!!

Thanks

Not feeling today.

I so need a break.

Perhaps your neighbour has a point. He is 8 he can handle some level of responsibility.

What does he currently do for himself?

How is your neck/back when you are in a lot of pain it's very difficult to cope with anything particularly well.

He dresses himself
Baths himself
Strips his bed
Sometimes gets his own breakfast

How about setting the table for meal times and helping clear it with you, so he gains one to one time with you?

Mine fight over hoovering and sweeping up with dustpan & brush under the table!!

I think that most of us were smacked as children.

30 years ago smacking was not considered bad parenting but run of the mill. so give yourself a break.

He does get the drinks at tea time and will sometimes hoover. I just hardly ask them to do anything as they make such a fuss when I do.

What about a little chat of how he's growing up now and you're sure that he's capable of setting a good example to his siblings. With the responsibilities of x y z comes the priveledge of a b c - poket money, having a later bedtime, one on one story with you at bedtime etc

It's easier to give them the job to be done every day & every meal than just now and then IYSWIM

You are right and it is a good idea.

I just feel so pressured at the moment I can't think straight.

Try and relax about it all and just take it one day at a time and try and change one dynamic at a time.

How about asking him (and hte others) what rules they think would make you a happier household.

Had a bit of a night. Issues from the past rearing their ugly head. Dh telling me I shouted at dd when she just wanted to talk. i was supposed to be going swimming today as I need to lose weight and to have some time but the pool is shut so we are going to a different pool all together. I can't do lengths but I can try and be a mum. I just wish I could completely clear my head.

Swimming was good, ds1 has got really good, but the waves hit dd in the face and made her wobbly tooth very loose and now she can't eat or drink.

I am having a few minutes on my own.

My marriage is hanging by a thread and I can't cope with anything at the moment.

Can he come with you walking the dog? Can it be your special time?

Can you ask her to just pull out her wobbly tooth? It is not an illness, it is nature doing what nature is intending to do. If it bothers her this much and she complains the tooth is too lose, she should pull it out.

Not our dog.

I know it isn't an illness but this is only about the 3rd tooth to be coming out and she is only small. She is just scared.

so reassure her it is nothing to worry about, and that it IS natural. Sorry, I dont understand why she would be scared about her third tooth coming out.

She is scared of the pain. I have told her it might hurt until it comes out.