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Original poster

partner's child does not want to live with me

10 replies

SADIAM1234 · 14/02/2010 10:26

I have been dating my partner for quite a while now. however we made a decision to live together now, and we now rent a place. /the problem we have is that hert child does not want to relocate, and now does not want to leave her present school?

what else can i do? we put the child through a school trial at her new school, but she did not like it, as she made it clear she would no longer see her old friends, and she struggles to make new friends, so it seems.

so what shall i do? i have a place that i rent and no one lives in, a partner who child does not want to live near to me, and the whole thing is pretty upsetting.

Do you think a child of middle primary school age should dictate to us like this? surely she should do as she is told, as most kids I know always make new friends in time? Any advice, will be very welcome.

OP posts:
ROCCIA · 14/02/2010 14:44

I believe children needs must be respected.
A new partner for the mum, new place to live, new school , new friends to make.
It is too much all together.
You should have thought about it before renting a place.
Did anybody ask the child opinion before taking any decision ?

MadameCastafiore · 14/02/2010 14:47

Why can't you move to be near her school?

Or is it a case of you having a penis so your new partner and her child have to gravitate towards you????

Bucharest · 14/02/2010 14:47

You say you are "dating". Doesn't sound permanent enough to me to be putting a child through anything.

You refer to her as "the child" and talk about her like you are taking on a puppy.

Does "the child" have a mother? Might the mother have something to say about all of this? Maybe it's got little to do with how the little girl feels about you, and more about the general upheaval she may be about to be faced with.

Your Op, frankly, leaves me

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Bucharest · 14/02/2010 14:48

Oh right, sorry, (sort of) getting my genders mixed up.

Whatever. The rest of what I said stands.

Original poster
SADIAM1234 · 14/02/2010 14:50

calm down madame..

dating. should have made it clearer. it is almost 4 years.

yep the child should have been considered before, but i left that all to my partner, and she only let the child know she was moving the day before she was starting school.

could not move nearer to the child, as there is no work for me there and just could not afford it

OP posts:
ROCCIA · 14/02/2010 14:59

I am sorry to say that I understand the child point of view....
I would be very upset if I had known to move the day before the first school day shock

Veritythebrave · 14/02/2010 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SADIAM1234 · 14/02/2010 15:23

verity. no need to be concerned. i agree with all you say. the child needed to be given plenty of notice to get use to the situation, and no school and flat should have been sorted before the child was fully happy.

like i said, no notice was given to the child, and that was so wrong.

OP posts:
mrspoppins · 15/02/2010 06:05

but whatever the rights and wrongs...you now have to make a decision as to where to go from here...

If your relationship is permanent,then you have no choice but to carry on with what you have done though I think,if you are going to be a step Dad then you should be thinking about taking care of this little girl as if she were your own and not leaving difficult situations up to her biological Mum in the future.

You both handled it completely inapproprately but now you have to make it right. You should apologise...both of you and then plan for a move in a month so she has time to adjust. Of course a child can't dictate where her parents live but neither should parents suddenly pull the rug from under their feet and leave them wondering what the hell is going on if it can be avoided...and it could have been.

As for the future, she will be eventually fine..she will be very sad and you should ensure that you take all of those feelings into account...allow lots of contact with old friends on the phone/ letters as well as engineering new ways in which she can meet new friends...perhaps a class party to introduce yourselves and her to the children and parents in her new school...

These are just thoughts...at the end of the day, you need to make up your own minds but please remember, if you are another parenting figure, you need to accept full responsibility for her as such and always have her best interests at heart
good luck for the future

Littlefish · 15/02/2010 07:25

Good post Mrs Poppins.

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