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Original poster

DD asked me what a virgin was - was this the right response?

20 replies

deloola · 14/02/2010 08:21

I said that you were a virgin if you weren't married.

DD is 5.

She then asked if she was a virgin and I said yes.

I now have images of her going back to school after halfterm and announcing to the class that she is a virgin

Was that the right response?

What would you have said?

OP posts:
Georgimama · 14/02/2010 08:26

No, I'm afraid I don't think it was the right response, because it wasn't true.

I would have told her the truth. An edited form of the truth certainly, but the truth.

But then my DS is nearly 3 and he knows where babies come from. I don't want to embarrass him by suddenly announcing that actually there isn't a stork when he is 9. More details he will need, but I want basic human biology to be something he just knows and accepts.

Original poster
deloola · 14/02/2010 08:29

What did you tell your ds then? DD hasn't asked how babies are made yet so would like to be more prepared.

OP posts:
Georgimama · 14/02/2010 08:37

I'm really surprised she's never asked you about this. Hasn't she ever seen a newborn baby, or a pregnant woman?

My DS knows that a baby grows in their mummy's tummy, that mummies have eggs and daddies have seeds and they mix together and a baby grows and comes out through the . The precise mechanics of how the seed gets in there I admit I have not told him, because when we had this conversation he was two and a half, what I did tell him seemed to satisfy his curiosity, and he's a complete chatterbox and to be honeset would march off to the childminder next day and repeat the lot to fellow mindees. I can imagine a couple of mothers would have a ment. If he had asked more questions there and then, I probably would have told him more though.

I fully intend to explain sex to him fairly soon, and certainly before he starts school and starts hearing utter nonsense from say, seven year old boys.

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Original poster
deloola · 14/02/2010 08:41

No she's never asked and has seen plenty of babies and pregnant women. She knows that babies grow in the womb and how they get out - in her case through my stomach - she's just never been curious about how they are made.

OP posts:
NoahAndTheWhale · 14/02/2010 08:48

My DS is 6 and DD is 4. They both know that girls have eggs and that boys have sperm (when they are older) and that you need both to make a baby. They haven't shown any interest in the mechanics of it and therefore also don't know about the recreational aspect of sex.

DS is in his second year at school and as far as I can see hasn't had 7 year olds misinforming him. I would be surprised at either of them asking me what a virgin was and am not sure what I would say.

How has she met the word? Is it in connection with the virgin Mary?

Original poster
deloola · 14/02/2010 09:04

The virgin reference is from the film Hocus Pocus.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/02/2010 09:12

My dd and I had a bit of 'the talk' when she was around 4. She was quite happy until a boy in her class told her that boys put their winkles up your bum and have a wee and 4 days later a baby comes out. We had the real talk then and I got a book to back it up when she refused to believe me over JoJo. She has certainly never mentioned virgins (and she is catholic), OTOH, she's never seen hocus pocus.

chimchar · 14/02/2010 09:15

mmm. i think i would describe a virgin as someone who had not tried to make a baby with another man or lady. if the conversation continues, you could say that you need two bits to make a baby...one in a lady, one in a man, and they get together in a special way...you could explain more if you need to...make it sort of informal and a bit silly if your dd is squirming about it!

i once told my ds something which wasn't strictly right. it bothered me so i went back the next day and told hiom..you know what you asked about yesterday..well, i have realised i made a mistake in what i told you..it wasn't the way i told you, it actually happens this way.....

i feel it is really important to give children accurate information, even from a young age...although obviously it needs to be age appropriate.

good luck!!!

Original poster
deloola · 14/02/2010 09:22

I think you're right chimchar - I thought about saying that initially but hadn't thought through how to approach the whole 'how are babies made' topic.

I agree about giving children accurate information - and generally do - she just caught me off guard yesterday hence my posting this morning!

OP posts:
Original poster
deloola · 14/02/2010 13:00

Right - spoke to dd and gave her Chimchar's explanation - which prompted the question - how do you make a baby. I gave her a nice straightforward answer including eggs and sperm and them she went through practically every mammal known to man asking how they made babies - I think she well and truly got the picture by the end.

I did get rather worn down when she asked me what an ash tree's seed was called so asked her to ask her teacher

OP posts:
mollybob · 14/02/2010 13:07

My DD asked her dad this question recently - he told her to ask her Mum! Thanks DH! Think it came about as a result of Christmas carols actually.

I told her it was someone who had never had sex. He was in the room and got all embarassed. DD just smiled and said "I'm a virgin then." She was happy and DH was blushing. Bless!

ChasingSquirrels · 14/02/2010 13:29

I would have said someone who has never had sex, and answered any questions that came after that.
Having said that, my ds1 was already aware of what sex was at 5yo.

ROCCIA · 14/02/2010 14:32

My 5yo DD didn't know anything about sex.
She knows babies grow in mum's tummy but she didn't ask me why and how.
.. not yet

cory · 14/02/2010 22:16

ah this could be interesting when she marches up to the next single or cohabiting mother of your acquaintance and announces: 'You're a virgin, like me' 'My Mummy is ^not a virgin'

seeker · 14/02/2010 22:17

I'm not married and I'm not a virgin.

DuelingFanjo · 14/02/2010 22:19

"I said that you were a virgin if you weren't married."

I think that's an odd answer to give.

Unlurked · 14/02/2010 22:29

When my brother was about 10 we overheard the word 'virgin' in conversation and he made some comment and I said, in a big sisterly way, 'Do you even know what a virgin is ?' and he said...

'Yes. It's when girls don't like you.'

I would advise telling small children the truth when they are small to avoid embarassment later. Particularly if they have evil older siblings .

mrspoppins · 15/02/2010 05:51

I would have said, " What makes you ask that?"

and then.." so, what do YOU think"

Often children ask when they are ready and mature enough to find out the answer...but often they just ask!!

This method separates the two!!

wizbitwaffle · 15/02/2010 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TulipsInTheRain · 15/02/2010 14:19

I'm another one who gives child friendly truths for every question they ask.

as i had ds2 last year i've had most of them and my older two were happy with nice simplified versions of the truth (mommies have eggs and daddies have seeds and when we put an egg and a sperm together we make a baby in mummy's tummy, etc)

as i'm not married and most definitely not a virgin i have to say i found the origional answer the OP gave a bit too

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