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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you know you'll be a good mother?

33 replies

BrahmsThirdRacket · 12/02/2010 23:56

I haven't got any children yet. I'm 27. DP thinks I'd be a brilliant mother, but I'm not sure. His judgement seems to be made purely on the basis that I am very affectionate to him, good at playing with children and babies, and nice to my cat. I think I'm too selfish, not patient enough and though good at playing with children for 10 mins or so, would be crap with the day to day stuff and end up resenting the child. I just can't imagine coping with having children without having a nanny/au pair. In which case, surely I shouldn't bother having them? The thought of being with them all day every day is really scary, but maybe this would change once they actually arrived?

It's not an urgent issue - I've got quite a lot of time - but I was just wondering whether other people thought they would be rubbish but are actually good at it, or vice versa?

OP posts:

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TrillianAstra · 13/02/2010 12:22

I don't actually like children very much...

nighbynight · 13/02/2010 12:27

You cant possibly know the answer to this question in advance, because everything changes after you have a baby. At some point, you'll re-emerge, older, wiser, more mellow - and probably a good mother.

ppeatfruit · 13/02/2010 12:32

The fact that you are asking that question is a good sign. far too many people have children without even thinking about it.
There are too many of us in the world including unwanted DOS'. If you have doubts don't be ashamed not to have children; I think that's far better than having them 'cos all yr friends are or yr dh wants them.

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Starbear · 13/02/2010 12:36

Because my ds tells me ....When I let him eat sweets, watch telly, play computer games have fish fingers & chips for tea [smile} NOT apparently when I collected him late from nursery ONCE!!!!! Looking after yourself is a good way to be a good mummy

backtolife · 13/02/2010 12:42

Brahms, if you think you might have PND, you can try and start tackling some of your issues now. I wish I had done that (although it was actually having my DC's that triggered my issues so it was an impossibility for me to have tackled my issues pre-Dc's); at least you have a head start on me in that you have some awareness that you might have issues post birth.

Take control and start tackling the things that are worrying you about having DC's, now.

yangymac · 13/02/2010 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MarineIguana · 13/02/2010 15:11

PND does not make you a bad mum, what's important is to be on the lookout for it and get help with it as soon as you suspect it. It can get worse if untreated but if you get treatment and support, it can usually be dealt with well. I agree, the fact that you're aware of all this stuff and considering it bodes well. It's probably better than thinking you'll be a great mum and then being afraid to tell anyone if you don't feel right.

Starbear · 13/02/2010 17:20

Now I've read this thread properly. My family always thought I would make a dreadful Mum. I'm not prefect but my Ds loves me in a way that shocks my family and surprised me. I knew I won't be a bad mum just not as good as my Sis or Mum as they never spent that much on a career, their man or friends! I prefer him to see a more rounded person

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