Is it unfair to desperetely want time away from very young or very clingy or sick children? Especially if they are all of the above?

[ShinyAndNew]

Not posting in AIBU, because I know I probably am.

Dd2 is 'difficult' to look after most of the time. She is very very active. This means I have very few babysitters who are willing/able to take her for any length of time. And I need those people to look after her while I am at work.

Unless I am at work, I am with dd2. There is no break. She won't sleep on a night and when she does it's in our bed. So there isn't even that quiet evening time or peacefull sleep. If I turn around, she is there all of the time.

If I sit down, she sits on me, if I go to the loo, she comes with me, if I go in the shower, she gets in, if I make a snack she eats most of it....

Normally I can cope with this, though it's not ideal. But his week she has been ill, so if I get up to leave the room, she cries. Usually she will watch tv or play independantly for short whiles, so I at least have little breaks. But no this week. Obviously she cannot help being ill, so she has been getting all the cuddles she asks for.

When DH comes in, he rarely takes over and usually leaves me to do the bedtime battle, which ultimately ends with her laying on the sofa untill bedtime when she comes with us.

Last night I had had enough. I wanted soem dd2 free time, so I left her sleeping on the sofa next to DH and went to bed at about 10:15. At about 10:20, he carrys her upstairs with "Dd2 says she wants to go to bed with you" and then just left her there with me. where she did her usual thing of pushing herself as close to me as she can possibly get and stroking my face asking me to stroke her hair.

So is it really unfair to just want time alone? Even if it is to do something simple like lay on a bed rest? And is it unfair of me to want DH to take over in the evening sometimes, even though he is 'tired' from work, because I am tired too and want some space?

I am a horrible mother aren't I?

NO you are a perfectly normal loving mother who needs space. DH sounds a bit unreasonable if he wont take DD in the evening to give you a break, I have the same with mine, but going out to work all day induces a different kind of tiredness to the monotony of looking after children. Could you arrange for him to take her a couple of nights a week, even for an hour, so that you can have a mummy-only bath? or go for a walk, then she cant follow you. I think you have to try to nib this in the bud now or you'll go crazy. Good luck.

No, you are so not a horrible mother. The number of times I have been gagging for DH to walk in the door so I could throw our 'orrible children at him and get some bloody peace. It was worse when I was on maternity leave, but I'm back at work part-time too and I totally get where you're coming from.

I remember going to bed with a headache once, and DH bringing DD3 up to me 10 minutes later 'She might as well be in bed with you' which was when I flipped out at him. I was ill, she was awake, he could bloody well look after her for once. Your DH needs to take over some of the evenings - she is his daughter too, and it might even help with her clinginess if she sees that daddy can do things for her too.

BTW, DD3 follows me to the loo too (she's 18 mos) and started trying to help me pull my trousers up the other day

They drive me insane when they are clingy. I hate it. Unfortunately, they sense weakness. When they start annoying me and I show that annoyance - even slightly - they get even clingier.

The only thing that works for me is to absolutely spell out for my DH that I ahve had enough, enough, enough. Going out on my own in the car normally does the trick.

oh crikey, I feel your pain. I remember saying to DH once when we'd had a week of illness and the 24 hour cling on that goes with it, that I was finding it all a little intense. He flipped out at me for saying that but like your DH, it wasn't him bearing the brunt of the velcro child!

Your DH absolutely must work at looking after her too - as said previously, she is also his DD and he too must look after her by himself as my 3 year old would say

No You are NOT a horrible mother.

When they are that age, they are very good at sucking all your energy up and it is totaly normal to need some time just for yurself.

Have you trie to spell that to your DH even more clearly? Going away on yur own for a couple of hours during the week end?