How do you make the decision to take a full time or part time job or to not take a job at all?

[MrFibble]

Maybe this is my mid-life crisis but I really don't know what to do.

I had a very successful full time career pre DCs but for numerous reasons decided to walk away and work part time. I now run my own company and freelance, working around 20 hours a week. By doing this I maintain my network of contacts and I earn a reasonable amount of money.

Seems like a good arrangement? Well, I suppose it is but I have very big problem with it.

I HATE IT!

I dislike many of my contacts at my clients, I dislike the industry I work in and the work itself isn't meaningful. In fact it is petty and artificial and I cannot get interested in it or passionate about it anymore. I hate having to find after-school clubs for my DD. I hate sending DS to the creche in the mornings. Financially we don't rely on the money I earn (at least with the interest rate being so low) so I should be able to just walk away with a clear conscience.

But I can't.

Why am I finding it so hard to do?

Is it because the expression, 'giving up work,' is just too suggestive of failure?

Any wise words?

Have you thought about re-training to do something completely different, something that you will enjoy? or a college course in a subject that has always interested you but have never found the time to study? I am in a similar situation to you, as financially I dont have to work but am looking forward to at least a little bit of freedom next Easter when DD3 starts nursery. You sound lucky to be able to change your circumstances, dont spend the next x years doing a job that you hate and regretting it even more.

Is 40 too late to retrain?

Is it wrong to want to build a home and focus on that?

Why do I feel as if I am failing if I "give up" work?

I don't see at all why it is too late to retrain - you still have at least 25 years to follow your new career even if you retire at 65 (which plenty of people don't).

But equally why on earth shouldn't you be a SAHP if you want to & if you don't need the money from working (always providing your DH/W/P is happy with that if you have one).

You could always take a year off (call it a 'sabbatical' if you don't want to feel like you're losing face to colleagues/friends) and explore what you'd like to do. Maybe after a year at home you'd be certain it was right for you - or maybe you'd find something else that was more inspiring.

i started a similar thread last night

i was all worked up last night to stop but then looked at my salary this morning.

dunno! (sits down and waits for divine intervention)

Can you sell your company and walk away with a profit instead?

Takver - I like the idea of a sabbatical. Could get used that.

Uriel - I am my company! I could sell the shell but I don't want my name being used by anyone else. Thanks for the suggestion though - it is a solution that I have mulled over but I decided I wanted to keep my brand just in case.

Bariatric Obama - I just read your thread and you use the expression, "lost your mojo at work." This is exactly what I am feeling. I have no drive anymore which is not a good thing for the self-employed. It does not help that this is not the original field I wanted to work in but circumstances dictated a career change about 15 years ago. How are you feeling about it all now?

It's just my own perspective, but I tend to feel that life is long and childhood is short, and I'd rather spend time now with my children, and re-build my career later.

Yes, I know, lucky for me to be in a financial and marital position to afford that option, but it makes sense for me and our family right now. Re-training/re-entry could all very well go tits up further down the line, hubby could die/leave me... all sorts of what ifs but, instinctively, life feels more 'sorted' this way, for us.

(Not that this is reflected in simplistic answer to your much more complicated question - am trying to roll out play dough and type and think simultaneously - but do actually have Oxford degree, PGDL and previously successful career in nonprofit fundraising to return to - so have something to 'build on' when I think about returning.)

Have you ever been a SAHM?

You only work 20 hours a week, can't you fit that into a shorter working day to fit in with school.

Can you put the business on hold until your youngest has started school?

Can you employ somebody (another mum) to do this work until you want to return.

I would love to work 20 hours a week once my kids are at school.

Do you hate your job or hate working or want to be a SAHM?

I'm a SAHM who really wants to work but I can't bear to leave my kids until they start school. It is isolating and monotonous being a SAHM but being with the children is wonderful.

If you don't need the money why not find something to do that will suit you better - you could work for a charity part time for instance?

I think that the biggest problem is that I hate the industry I'm in.

I actually qualified and worked in a different field but then emigrated and had to work in a different field - finance. Maybe if I could get back to what I want to do that would help but there are many barriers - language and geography to name the 2 most significant.

Perhaps I could find something related field to my original career?

I just don't know. Eeek have to go. DS is calling.

What was your previous industry?

environmental campaigning.. Used to work for an NGO.

I was about to be nominated to be Class Rep for at least one of my dcs classes and that was enough to drive me straight back into full time work

no seriously, I like working. I like getting out of bed having something to do tbh. I get bored having to sit around motivating myself (though having said that, I love having time to myself and adore spending time with the children). I've always seen work as quite important - the children go to school, I go to work.

I wish I had a lot more leave and I'd like a job with less pressure but it is very hard to find something that ticks every single box.

I need to work to pay bills so perhaps part of your problem is that you have a need for a philosophical angle when it comes to working whereas for me, it's a necessity so I don't bother to let myself get into those sort of arguments/discussions with myself!

If I didn't need to work for money, I would find a job with fewer hours and closer to home. I'd also like to do something that meant I was giving back (so voluntary work).

if you are capable of setting your own business up, have you thought about mentoring? or taking on students and helping them train? it might not be your cup of tea at all (it isn't everyone's!) but could give you some inspiration

foxinsocks - If I were nominated Class Rep I would also run a mile!

I need to think this through some more. There are so many what ifs but we can't plan for everything can we? Life is too short and unpredictable to spend today living for tomorrow.

DH is supportive of me taking a sabbatical (I'm loving that term ) and doing something else - he prefers to be a little less comfortable financially than living with a nutty wife going stir crazy doing a job she hates.

I'm on holiday for a week and hopefully we will have time to discuss and make a decision.

Thanks to everyone for your input, ideas, questions etc.