How to ensure your feelings do not intefere with grandparents/grandchilrden relationship?

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I feel a lot of anger towards my parents in law. I feel that they have been deeply unsympathetic towards me in the last few years as I have struggled with the enormity of having children (I have come from a problem family and no longer have any contact with my family - which the PIL's know about but do not know some of the details). I feel that there comments towards me are negative and are an opportunity to attack me (MIL commented in recent telephone call she had told SIL that my DD who is 2 is starting to assert herself and SIL had gleefully said "good for her"). It is important that my 2 children and my DH have an opportunity to have their own relationship with PIL without me getting in the way. I do not want to be a barrier to their relationships. Unfortunately we live a long way away from them so all visits involve at least 3 or 4 night stays in order to be worth the trip (I made a big mistake in being there 8 days at xmas due to timings of ferries at stuff like that - the trip was not a great success).

I know lots of people struggle with MIL or PIL issues - how do you ensure that you keep your relationship with them from damaging your children's relationship with them?

Difficult one. I dont have this with my PIL but my own parents had a very messy divorce when I was 4/5 and mum had the same issues about my dad. My mum gleefully slags my father off now (and I agree) but to her credit she never said a word against him to my sister or I throughout our childhood. That is probably the way forward here.I am assuming you don't see that much of them anyway so maybe not so hard. The only time I would change this is if they did or said something to my children directly.

I dont know!!! I would like to have some advice about this myself..

I'd keep the relationship between them and the children separate from that between you and them.

I am sort of in a similar boat myself. My motehr and I do not get along at all but she is a really good grandmother to my two children and they love her too. When she visits I talk only about the children and let the kids lead the way. I regard her as the kids's grandma rather than my Mum and its works out well.

By the way, I have to be honest OP, I don't think the convo between your MIL and SIL was meant to be critical towards you, it sounds like they were discussing your DD growing up. Sometimes when soemone has been very ciritical of you in the past, its hard not to take offence at everything they say, even when they are not being critical.

Best wishes and good luck. xx

Thank you - I know what you are saying - there is a lot of baggage so I do feel everything is said to have a go - FIL's favourite at the moment is telling me DD is bored - I have one of 2 and one of 9 mo and it has been physically hard, lack of sleep blah blah and I know I don't go out and do enough different things with her and I am not a children's entertainer! but I get annoyed that they are not supportive and if anything critical can be said then one or other of them will say it. I feel that there is a power struggle with MIL with her not acknowledging that I am mom

I do feel for you. I think sometimes, as parents, we are overly sensitive to criticism partly because we spend enough time beating ourselves up over the way we do things without anyone else sticking their oar in.

My FIL comes round every weekend with his helpful hints, constant digs and occasional rudeness and I just wish he'd leave us alone sometimes. I deal with it by mainly staying out of the room doing jobs and leaving him to it when he's here. It drives me NUTS though. I swear if I'm ever lucky enough to become a grandparent I'll try my hardest to be supportive rather than critical.