Help - my 26 month will not go to sleep without us lying in his room for hours

[stressed2007]

Up until about 3 months ago we used to let my son fall asleep while lying on us on sofa drinking his milk and then we would take him up.

We thought we had made progress by then putting him to bed in his cot with milk. We have to stay with him then until he falls asleep. We have constant "mummy" or "daddy" calls and we say "yes darling night night" etc etc. This process seems to be taking longer and longer and we are on average taking about 70 - 90 minutes for him to drop off (he goes up at 7pm). Even once asleep and we leave him he literally wakes himself up and continues to call after about 10 minutes or so. This normally happens once or twice. We try talking to him through the monitor once he starts calling but he is not placated by this and we have to go back in the room.

Has anyone got any suggestions? Really we wat him to fall asleep on his own - we really do not want to lie beside him for over an hour each night - sometimes it has gone past 9pm before the children are asleep.

I don't know what to do. Would a night light help or just encourage him never to sleep without a light on? Has anyone managed to solve this problem? Many thanks.

I had a similar problem, lying with DD for hours every night. Then for two days in a row we cut out her afternoon nap, kept her awake by hook or by crook, and she fell asleep within 10mins of taking her up. This seems to have recalibrted her bedtime and we've gradually introduced a shorter and earlier afternoon nap. Still have to lie with her but for much, much less time. It really helped.

I also had a similar problem when DS1 was about 18 months. I eventually cracked it but it took a while! He was used to me popping out to get a book or something to do, so I'd put him to bed and say, "Back in a minute," and leave him to it. When he started to fuss a bit or call, i'd go back in, faff about then disappear again. To start with I had to go back in a lot of times but it gradually got less and eventually he learnt to fall asleep on his own. I left the door open too for the light and so that he could hear us.

I think the key is to make a decision with your husband/partner, choose a night, tell your son that tonight he is going to go to sleep on his own after a story/song/whatever, just like a big boy, just like (name friends/relatives/etc!)... Make it a nice routine, but be FIRM and stick to the new routine no matter what. If he cries hysterically, go into the room, explain what;s happening again, tell him you're in the living room, now go to sleep. And repeat if necessary. leave him for longer periods of crying, and occasionally reassure him outside his door that;s you;re still here, but he needs to go to sleep. If you both stick to it, no matter what, it WILL work.

If you give in, cuddle him to sleep etc, you have simple confirming his belief that going to sleep on his own is something to be scared of, something not normal.

Sorry if that sounds instructional, but I really think this is the way to do it! We did it this way, and it took about 4/5 days. Hope it helps.

This may be silly question but - are you sure he is ready to fall asleep when you put him in bed? If he has a nap in the day it might be better to put him to bed later so it takes less time for him to go to sleep.

When my DS1 was about this age I used to sit with him but gradually closer each day to the door and then in the doorway and then outside etc - telling him I would just be outside and calling in if he called out. Can't remember how long it tok but it did work in the end!

I'm just doing this with DD (20 mths) at the moment and over just a few days I have gone from having to hold her hand while she went to sleep to being able to say goodnight and that I will be outside the door and just standing outside behind the door for a couple of minutes.

Agree with MudlandRoses

My DD 2(23 months) was a bit like this just after xmas, she went from being an excellent sleeper to taking upto 3 hours to get to sleep, if we sat with her she just stayed awake, if we left her she screamed the house down.

I did storytime before bed, even ended up putting a radio on in her room (which she still likes) & ended up sitting outside the room, when the screaming started went in lay her back down said sleep time now mummy loves you, replete x 73 and eventually it worked!

It was a hard few weeks but with a bit of determination, being firm, sticking to the plan she is now back into her old routine.

Fingers crossed it stays that way!!

just for the record my DD is 25 months lol
its been a long day