I need help to stop giving in to ds when he crys

[MaMight]

I need some good tips, or a better way of thinking about it, or a kick up the arse.

Ds is 22 months old.

He is mostly a laid back, cheerful, low maintenance child.

When he doesn't get his way about something, however, all hell breaks loose.

So far, so normal.

But I give in.

I don't really understand why I am so scared to let him rage. When his older sister tantrums to get her way I am kind and calm but completely firm and consistent. There is just no way her screaming or yelling could ever make me change my mind when I've said no.

Of course, I have now taught ds that when mummy says "no" he just has to rage and scream and kick and wail and I will give in.

I do realise how crap I am being. I am finding this really hard though.

Our big battle is about breastfeeding. He wants to hang off my boob wherever we are and whatever we're doing.

It's other things too though.

He has a temper like his sister never had, so that's different, but it's not like she was a placid little golden child or anything.

He also makes himself sick when he tantrums (real projectile vomit sometimes) so that is a factor in being afraid to let him be cross about anything.

And I do mean 'cross' not just upset. I am truly a minimal-crying sort of parent.

I feel as though he holds me to ransom and increasingly I realise I am doing things because of the whims of my 1 yr old, not because I actually want to.

Any thoughts? Tips? Experiences to share?

Tough one - what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for the other, as you say.

DD1 had an incredible temper on her, sounds like yours, impossible to calm down, vomiting in her rage - just draining for me. I tried everything to calm her down, she was just unconsolable. Started getting better around 4th birthday - just not very good at expressing her needs.

With the bf, you need to tell him it's for bedtime, or specific times / places, and you explain this to him BEFORE he next trantrums.

Also, what I've read in books, stuff like acknowledge the fact that he's angry/upset, explain why he can't have want he wants, make sure you only say no when you will be able to stick to your word. I have "rules" that I go through with my kids before we go out, I go through all the motions of what we're going to be doing, in what sequence, what they'll be able to do, etc, etc. Sounds really strict, but I just try to make sure they know what's ahead so they don't get disappointed. For example, sometimes when we go swimming we follow it with a snack; if we're in a hurry, I tell them before we even leave for the pool that this time there won't be time for a snack, that kind of stuff.

Relating it back to your bf, you could tell him when he can expect the next bf, if you're going out and you don't want to bf, make sure he knows he's not going to be able to until you come home. I always bf-ed my kids sitting on my bed at home, always in the same place, not realising that apparently that helps them know when to expect a bf.