Parents wanting siblings to come to my dd's party.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, we are having my daughters 5th birthday party at a victoriam musium. She loves it there, as they dress them up and play games etc. It does say only for 5's and over.
There are only 10 girls in her class, so we've envited all of them plus one parent. We have to pay for parents too.
The problem is, one of the Mums has to bring her much older son who has SEN's. That's absoluitly fine, but now other parents are asking if siblings can come.
One Mum has said she'll pay for the 3 year old brother to come. It makes it really awkward to say to other parents, they can come if you pay for them, and anyway it does state 5 and over.
I don't want to disappoint anyone and I don't want them to think I'm being mean, but I really can't afford siblings as well as her class mates.
I also want to keep the party as small and simple as possible as my DD gets easily overwhelmed, and will refuse to join in.
It's just an awkward situation.
I acctually feel like cancelling it and saying something has come up.

I mean 1 parent to every child.

you have to say no

it isn't like a village hall where a few extras wouldn't matter

don't cancel - if your DD needs a small party then that is how it has to be

Just tell them no, that your DD gets upset in a big crowd which is why you wanted to keep it small and you will have to pay for everyone. You have to stand up for yourself, you did really need to do a 'no siblings at all though' rather then allow one and not the others IYSWIM.

Definitely don't agree to pay for siblings. If you do agree to them coming, and you are in no way obliged too, then the parents must pay. And you don;t need party bags for siblings either.

And point out the over 5y rule too - I asssume this is set by the museum.

With parties you have to just be prepared to say no sometimes.

I would hold strong and say to parents that you're sure they will understand why X's older brother has to come, but he is an exception because a) the over 5 rule, b) it would overwhelm your daughter, and c) you couldn't afford to pay for everyone and would feel awkward about asking for contributions.

I would say no siblings and mention your DD's problem with large groups. Not that you should have to give a reason why.

Say no - it's your party. The other parents are being really cheeky. I can understand you making an exception for the parent of the child with SEN (if that's what you want to do).

If you are inviting the child plus a parent, I think you have to allow them to bring a sibling. This age, the children are rarely accompanied to birthday parties. You are effectively putting single parents in a dilemma, as they might have to pay for childcare or arrange babysitters for their other children.

why do all the parents need to come????

Say you are very sorry, but no, it isn't possible.

If you want to, you can tell them the museum has strict limits on numbers and accompanying adults, plus dd gets very overwhelmed by lots of ppl so by necessity the party has to be kept small to the children she knows and likes a lot.

Thanks everyone. There are no single parents in my daughters class. We all know each other quite well with it being a tiny school etc.
Even if some say they can't make it, if sibs aren't envited, then that's o.k. It's very hard to please everyone.
It's my daughters party though at the end of the day, and for her, it needs to be a small group with limmited distractions. She also has some SEN's by the way.

When the dcs are invited individually to parties I certainly don't expect them both to attend, how ridiculous.

If the museum rules (or your rules - not sure?) are that every child has to be accompanied by a parent, then I think YABU in saying that siblings cannot come. Who are single parents or parents where one partner is working at the time of the party supposed to do with younger siblings (or even older ones up to whatever age you might feel comfortable leaving them home alone?) You are making it difficult for your daughter's friends to attend the party if their parent has to find babysitting for their other children in order to accompany one to a party.

Oh the parents ALWAYS come. Every party we've been to, the parents have been there. They won't drop off. I don't know why.
I think they feel the children are too young?

Hmmmm can you try and buck the trend now that they are all turning 5?????

Say no to siblings but understand if that means the parent can't stay

Hell, you say NO

Agree no to siblings - this is your daughter's party after all and she has to come first! But I would not even suggest that parents who do bring siblings should pay for them since that opens the door for them to say no problem, I will pay and then it will be hard to back out. So take the focus off the money. If anybody says that they heard another sibling is coming, I would say that you are reluctantly making an exception because this child has SENs. If someone says that they have no-one else to leave siblings with, I would say that they are welcome to leave the invited child with you. Then recruit your DH and your best mate among the parents (or other best mate) to help. But I really don't think that you should allow yourself to be suckered into inviting a crowd and, furthermore, I don't think that you should feel guilty about it.

Get the parents to say whether they are staying or not (since it costs you) but 5 is about the age they are dropped off on their own ime, plus it neatly avoids the sibling problem.

But no way to siblings who aren't invited since it will not be what suits the needs of your dd (and racks up the cost). Suggest my earlier post for the flattering way of telling them bog off

I remember your earlier thread about the party.

Kitkatsforbreakfast's advice is spot on, I think. You have been remarkably generous in paying for every child to bring a parent. You are perfectly entitled to say no to siblings, regardless of who pays for them. Explain that you want a small party for dd and her friends, you are making an exception for the older brother with SEN but you can't otherwise accommodate children who aren't your dd's friends.

I think the point made earlier about the dilemma for single parents is exagerrated. Surely if there are single parents facing any such dilemma they can either drop off at the party (which is not a preposterous idea for five year olds) or arrange a playdate for the other child(ren).

Can i ask why you are making an exception for the SEN sibling? Can he not stay with his other parent?