is it taboo to admit that the experience of parenting boys and girls is different?

[foreverastudent]

In response to all the hoo-ha over "8 boys and wanting a girl" I am wondering if a new parenting taboo is to admit that parenting a boy and a girl IS different, however much gender-neutral parenting you attempt?

Of course a healthy baby is more important than their gender but the experience is still different IMO. Why are some people at such pains to admit this?

Substancial differences include:
names, clothes, hairstyles, schools, toys, sports, hobbies, friends, interests, tv, console games, sleepovers, books, learning type, communication style, stranger danger, school subject choices, teenage sex/pregnancy, eating disorders, suicide, behavioural problems, coping with puberty, youth crime, relationship with siblings etc etc

I have been thinking abut this a bit more, and I don't deny there are parenting things i have never experienced with my two boys:

Plaiting hair

Getting them interested in some of my favourite childhood books (Little Women, Ballet shoes)

Worrying about premature sexualisation

Discussing periods (must think about raising this with my boys soon, but not in as much depth, obv)

I probably wouldn't have spent half as much time at the RAF museum as I have !

But even then, there will be exceptions (not all boys obsessed about planes, not all girls have long hair - (though most seem to)

If I went on to have a girl (like the women in these progs. want to, then I would probably be a bit disappointed if she dissed Little women ....

Another -one - I probably worry more about my boys getting mugged as they go into teenagerhood

I worry a lot about bullying, but then I've seen the more subtle form of bullying that girls do to each other

My son (9) has beautiful long hair that he brushes in front of the mirror every morning. And he absolutely hates the thought of anything military. Very much a people person- though he loves football too.

I otoh disappointed my mother by fighting desperately against the pink and frilly. Both of us (mother and me) thought Little Women a load of twaddle, but quite enjoyed the Little House on the Prairie.

Having a foot in two cultures, I do see how much is actually expectations rather than innate.
When I was pregnant, a Scandinavian friend sent me the cast-offs from her two babies- both boys, and I was interested to see how many well worn pinks and purples were in there. Lots of the tops that my Swedish nephews wear would not be considered appropriate for boys in this country.
And then again, I have known English friends with little girls go [cat's bum faced] over toys that I would never have thought of as gendered (e.g. a car mat- the mother herself drives every day!).
In England, little girls are encouraged to play quietly and not mess up their pretty clothes: in a Swedish nursery they would all be expected to be wallowing in the mud or rolling in the snow, because both sexes wear clothes that are designed for physical activity.

cory - you dissed Little Women - are you sure you are a lady........ ?

cory, cultural differences - not just genderwise - some friends of ours are living in Scandinavia, and they were telling us with amazement and delight that when you read nursery or kindergarten brochures one of the things the places sell themselves on is how little time indoors the children get - so you'll get selling points like " only 40 minutes indoors, WHATEVER the weather "

You can just imagine how that might go down with some British parents!

I hate and hated Little Women, had short hair and never wore skirts or dresses until I was about 28 practically.

I think modern society tries to push boys into premature sexualisation too, though maybe to a lesser extent. (Thinking rap music, footballers, dodgy computer games with prostitutes, lad mags, internet porn...)

i let my boys play with dolls and wear beads and princess dresses and i let my girls mess in the mud, buy her meccano and lego and encourage her to do sports.

but there are still huge differances between them... not so much in their likes and dislikes (although dd is pink obsessed despite my best efforts to encourage her towards other colours) but in thei basic natures.

she's much more emotionally challanging than the boys and the boys are far cuddier but can be like human wrecking balls.

my friends is a playschool teacher and claims the same differances are aparent in the vast majority of kids.

i think we can raise our kids without gender stereotypes while still accepting that there are fundamental differnaces between the sexes.

I think my DS1 is a girl ....

The censored taboo subject on MN is saying that parenting boys is harder than parenting girls. I hear this a huge amount IRL and nobody argues about it, either. But if you say it on MN... you get slammed down for gross generalisations (??).

No I don't have heaps of children to justify that generalisation, but I was an easy girl and my brothers were terrors. My mother and her sister were easy and their brothers were hard work. Same story for my dad's birth family, for most my friends birth families, for their children... I can only think of one exception -- and that's where the girl had ADHD and the boy merely had Downs Syndrome.

But that's not to say that people should only want girls because they're easier -- since when parenting supposed to be easy, anyway? My boys may be hard work but they are also huge fun, I'd be bereft without them. I am shocked when some people say that they're so glad they never had any boys.

well I'm sorry but generalising from your own experience is a gross generalisation.

my gross generalisation is that parenting a boy CAN BE easy, parenting more than one CAN ALSO be easy, can it be said loudly enough it depends on the child, it depends on how you treat them, it depends on your situation in life.

please anyone out there pregnant with a boy do not be scared off by all this doommongering!

ahh, see i think girls are way harder and pretty much anyone i've ever chatted to about it find boys easier... they tend to be cuddlier and far simpler emotionally.

but then most of the people i get on with well enough to discuss something like that are pretty much like me... plainspoken, not hugely socially perceptive, easy going, etc. so maybe our personalities just suit boys better!