I thinking off banning T.V for my 5 year old for a whole week.

[mummyloveslucy]

My nearly 5 year old daughter loves Cbeebies, that's the only channel I let her watch as it's free from advertising etc.
The minute she wakes up, she wants it and the minute she gets home from school, she wants to watch it. She gets very demanding after school and it does help her to relax I suppose, but I feel she watches way too much. She'll watch it from 3:30- 7pm, when it finnishes and she has to go to bed. She is now demanding her dinner in the living room so she can still watch it. If I insist she eats in the kitchen, she'll have a few mouth fulls and then run back to the T.V.

She is also wetting herself a lot recently, she'll just sit there and wet herself. She is doing this where ever we go though as well.

I'm just wondering wether we could tell her that the T.V is broken and won't be mended for a whole week.

It would be an experement to see how different things are. I'll need to be prepared before I do it. I'll buy engredients to make cakes etc, she has plenty of colouring books and toys.

I think I should do it, I'm not sure wether it'll drive me mad, but I'll have a go.
Have any of you done this before? How did it go and do you have any advice or tips?

Yes, you're right Oblomov.

I'll be putting some new rules in place, and hopefully that will make a difference.

I the summer she hardly watches any. After school every day, we walk to a neerby farm and see the animals etc. Or we go to the park. She loves the great out doors, but if she can't be outside, she's hard to entertain inside.

I'll be looking for ideas to make things with her at home. I think I'll need to make more of an effort to find things to do with her when the weather is bad.

Just re-read the op. Your dd has been watching 3 1/2 HOURS after school each day. My jaw just hit the floor I'm afraid. And she watches tv before school too? When do you do her reading? Talk to her?

fwiw, my dc's favourite activities is simply to be with me, nattering. They help with cooking supper, hanging out washing, loading dishwasher, whatever. Maybe it's because there are 3 of them but they really like to have some time just chatting about their stuff, be it school stuff, friends, their dreams etc. Sounds idyllic, but often isn't. They get under my feet and everything takes twice as long, in case you think i'm being smug. I'm really not. But presumably you are not sitting with your dd while she watches tv. You can barely see her, let alone talk to her.

Afraid if I were in your situation, the tv would go off until life readjusted to something healthier.

I do watch it with her and we chat about what's going on.
I've put in the op, what happens on a bad day. She will sometimes come and do other things, but sometimes she will just sit there watching it. We read in bed, she has two books every night.
I do agree things need to change. Thats why I'm considering drastic measures.

Jeepers, that's a lot of TV!

I think, as you say, that kids get used to whatever you allow them - it'll take a while for her to get used to the new schedule... but she will!

If I was you - I'd decide what YOU think is acceptable - 30mins a day? At what time - straight after school; before bed?

You say she's better outdoors - just cos it's cold, you can still be outdoors! Treat her to some new wellies, waterproof trews and go jump in puddles ;-)

I don't think you need drastic measures like banning TV altogether but you do need to limit TV.

I would say an hour a day is plenty. Tell her that she can choose one or two programmes.

We got into the habit of letting the DC watch too much TV. After we started limiting their viewing, they learnt how to amuse themselves.

Our freeview is suddenly not working and we've been in no rush to try and fix it as it's had a great effect on DS1 (3.5). He's spent hours and hours playing highly imaginative (and quite hilarious) games this weekend (we've been stuck in the house due to rubbish weather). We have let him watch a dvd and a couple of his favourites on the iplayer and I find it much easier to limit that. It's actually often not his fault that he watches too much tv. I have a 4 month old baby as well and it's far too easy for me to have DS1 glued to the tv while I do things with the baby or even just when I don't have the energy to join in with his crazy made-up games that I don't know the rules for and never do right!

Cripes, that is more TV in one day than I would watch in a week, never mind the DCs!

I am not anti-TV, but I would definitely limit a child of that age to an hour a day as an absolute maximum. I'd let her choose what she wants to watch, and make sure she turns it off when her chosen programme has finished. I'd offer her the alternative of a DVD, if there's one she particularly likes (DS used to watch Thomas the Tank Engine over and over again; DD used to watch Cinderella). If their TV time is very limited, it doesn't matter whether or not they're 'learning' anything - the familiarity of a favourite DVD can be comforting. DD used to watch Cinderella after lunch every day for a couple of months; that was her only TV time, and she liked the routine of it.

I'd also decide when your DD should be allowed to watch TV. My DD sometimes gets ten minutes before school (DS leaves before she does) if - and only if - she is fully dressed (shoes and coat included) and has her bag packed and ready by the door. I don't think any TV before bed is a good idea myself, but that's personal choice.

We only got CBeebies very recently, so my DCs survived until the ages of 5 and 7 without it!

I think the parents' attitude to TV also helps. We put it on if there's something particular we want to watch, and switch it off afterwards.

Craft seems to be DD's alternative to TV. She spends most of her time Sellotaping things to one another. I suggest you invest in a Sellotape dispenser.

lilybolero we have the same rule and it works really really well

they dcs now watch less than ever even when it is the weekend - they are so used to not having it that they are more involved in other stuff

i love the rule - works so well

they may ask on a cold tuesday night 'is it the weekend' but i can just say no and they totally accept it

they do loads more playing and art stuff - we are lucky to have room for an art table to be strewn with stuff all the time which does help

my dcs are much less whiney - livelier - NEVER seem bored or listless - i recommend it op

i think screening breeds screening and it is a habit difficult to break - i agree with pretendsing tv broken just for first week as it can be difficult to start off with ( for you too ) but imo you will find life actually gets easier and if you are anything like me you will stop feeling rubbish about them watching too much - good luck with it x

FWIW, if my DD was refusing to eat breakfast, her breakfast would go in the bin. If she refused to get dressed, she would be going to school in her nightie. I think they very soon get the hang of this without TV needing to be involved.

OP, it's good news to limit tv, BUT I don't think it necessarily means you have to entertain your dd constantly instead.

Your dd needs to learn to entertain herself. I sometimes find my dd in her bedroom colouring in, reading, playing with beads etc.

I play with her and ds at some point during the day, or after school, but only for half an hour or so.

If she says she's bored I tell her to go and find something, she has lots of toys. And then I ignore her, and get busy. She soon gets the message!

Ds(now 5.3yrs old) was a bit like this and tbh I think the TV didn't help his attention span. We stopped TV completely in the mornings about 8 months ago, It was hard going for a few weeks but now he never asks for it in the mornings. I do spend quite a bit of time playing with him some mornings when he gets up mega early though.

He is allowed 20 mins of computer playing (again cbeebies etc) if he is ready in time before school but he only does this about 2-3 times a week as often he is busy doing something else.

On school nights he is allowed a maximum of 1 hour of TV. We use a timer, though we allow the current programme to finish if it is a short one, rather than switch off in the middle.

We are also using the TV as a way of rewarding his behviour at school ( a problem at the moment). We have a home contactbook that the teacher fill in and two ticks form the teacher in his home book maans he has behave OK morning and afternoon. He is then allowed 1 hour of TV, 1 tick is half an hour and no ticks is no TV.

It really is working and he himself switches off he TV when his time or programme is finished. His behaviour at school is improving too.

If he wants a film DVD and it is longer than an hour (but no longer than 1.5 hrs) we do tend to allow that (assuming he has two ticks from school but the Tv goes off after it is finished

You need to set some rules (no TV , limited TV - whatever you want) and stick tot it.

Be prepared for it to be hard though. I spend some mornings desperate to switch the TV on because it suits me! but I grit my teeth and I don't do it because it makes things worse in the long run.

Also I don't switch the TV on until 5pm (4.30pm at the earliest) as I know if I use up the allowance early it is hard to get through the rest of the evening.

Don't cave in though. Ds did spend a few mornings lyin on the sofa sucking his thumb and moaning about no Tv. He would do this for up to 40mins at a time sometimes. I just ignored it and he went off and found something to do. I did play with him a bit more though for a while as I could see he really struggles to play on his own. he is much better at that now though and I think the stricter TV rules really helped..

two is pleanty i agree
i dont like to use the term benign neglect (!) - BUT what you need to do is learn to teach dd to occupy herself

that is a real gift for her imo

( sorry bit short will come on later !)

well, I don't agree with the arts stuff. I hated it as a child and I still hate it. Dc2 loves it but dc1 and 3 are not really into it either. But agree there should be other things (loved reading, o,actually I do love colouring in...)

What about you reading to her when she comes in from school. Take her to the library and choose books together and then spend lots of time reading to her / with her.

Also, what about getting an after-school routine - come in and have a leisurely snack and chat, then maybe reading, maybe playing a board game, painting / drawing / lego / whatever else.

And a set amount of screen time at a certain time - ie maybe before tea / while you cook / after tea.

And have a friend round as often as you can stand it, the rule could be no TV allowed when guests are at home!

tonight for example ds7 ds nearly 4

ds3 comes in from school 3.35

eats snack and general gad about for 20 mins

did some workbook ( rare) and then wrote a bit of 'diary'

fought over played blocks which do occupy a LOT of their time atm

5.00 wanders off upstairs to 'read' a bit and play about on own

5.50 wanders back down to 'diary' where he still is now - dinner about to be served

ds4 has played blocks alone for most of the time since 3.00pm when he started!!

i am NOT an overly attentive parent and we do not have kids round. We never do after school stuff ) barring a trip to the auction house once a fortnight with ds3!)

I think my kids have a great time and seem very contented.

After dinner they will go wild for a bit and then bed and story!

sounds dull i know but they are very chirpy!

what is all this obsession with needing to entertain your kids. why ?
ds1, yr 1, just 6. is KNERKNACKERED after school. is just happy to bob around my ankles and tell me about the star wars game he played at lunchtime, with toby, or who-ever. whilst i make dinner. and he plays with ds1 - aged 1 they are obsessed with eachother.
but even if you only have one child. children do not need to be entertained.
well some do. but most of the time they don't. why do you need playdates 15 times a week - we have one a month, if that. and why the craft, sticking and sellotaping. save that for the weekends when you have time, time to enjoy and time to anjoy doing it TOGETHER.
ds just flops infront of the tv. i see it as very important , relaxing time, allowing the brain to calm down, after really trying at school.
and we do reading every night, soon after we get home, as tillymint suggested. i have learnt not to leave it too late, or else he is too tired.
why do you need to DO anything after school? just be together. sit and have a cuddle. read the book together. get dinner ready whilst she chills. then bath and bed.
OP there is no need to so anything with a tired primary school child, other than a cuddle and a chat.
why are you putting yourself under so much pressure to 'perform' ?

I think she finds it hard to chill out. She'll happily watch a DVD, T.V etc. (obviously)
She's usually very demanding after school.

I tried a new routeen yesturday.

She came home and had a snack, and chatted with me. We then looked at her school book. She kept asking for Cbeebies, so I said "You can watch one programme, which is your favourate?" She chose Charlie and Lola, so I said she could watch that when I have to start cooking. She agreed. We then read some books. I then made the tea, so she watched her programme. When it was ready, I had to turn it off. She wasn't at all happy to say the least. She ate her tea then demanded it went back on. I explained what we had agreed, and after some whinning, she took out her pens and started drawing, then she played with some other toys.
At bed time she was very relaxed and enjoyed her books without butting in all the time, which is good for her.

It went very well for her first day. I'll make this her new routeen and I think it'll be a lot better for everyone.

Thanks everyone, for all the advice.

Mummyloveslucy, hats off to you, love!
You listened to everyone's comments and made a new routine for your daughter which she seems happy with. Fab parenting

(and my dd makes/bakes/entertains herself/draws a LOT and STILL watches a hell of a lot of telly, not going to say how much - not at school yet though...)

Mummylucy, you STAR
sounds like a roaring success. and to read it, it sounds so ballanced, don't you agree. even a bit of whinging sounds normal. well handled.
it may be just first day success and there will be days that it won't work as well as others, but in a few weeks, it will seem like you've never done any different. well done. and well done dd !!

well done mummy loves lucy
i found when i cut down the tv/screen thing that it was my fear that needed conquering...iykwim

once you have braved the first few days it becomes easier - sounds awful but the child learns who is boss and you will too!

keep us posted!

Thanks everyone! She tried her luck again tonight, but I stuck to the rules. When I said no, She asked her Dad for it. I had already mentioned the new plan to him so he backed me up. She then said to him in a huff, "I want to go to Grandmas house!"
She knows she gets her own way all the time there.
Once she realises we won't budge, she relaxes and gets on with her coloring or whatever she wants to do.
I think if I ever give in, she'll find it a lot harder to accept that things have changed.
She still had a good evening, she was relaxed and happy once she'd given up whinning for the T.V. and settled very well at bed time. It's all good.

mummyloveslucy hooray! It is also one of the hardest times of year now. summer is a breeze. i think you are doing great!!