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Parenting

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Original poster

3 children,is a 4th too much?????

26 replies

Kimmie30 · 03/02/2010 20:00

Hey there peeps,
I have 3 children a DD who is nearly 13, DS1 nearly 7 and DS2 just turned 2. Would a 4th just push me over the edge? Part of me thinks go for it and part of me thinks there is just not enough of me to give!! Help!

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fruitshootsandheaves · 03/02/2010 20:02

I have 4. I love having 4. Theres not enough room, its virtually impossible to go anywhere and my house is stuffed full of clutter belongings, but its great.

Original poster

Kimmie30 · 03/02/2010 20:05

Thanks fruitshootsandheaves, do you mind me asking what your 4th pregnancy was like?

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BITCAT · 03/02/2010 20:10

i have 4, an 11yo, 8yo, 7yo and a 4yo.
Im sure if its what you really want then you will be able to do it. Whats one more you already manage 3.

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fruitshootsandheaves · 03/02/2010 20:11

I loved being pregnant with all of mine and I was lucky in that I had no problems during pregnancy.

KEAWYED · 03/02/2010 20:14

I'm trying for no.4. I have 6,3,9months.

Most people look at me like I have 2 heads when I say I want 4 but if its what you want go for it.

changer22 · 03/02/2010 20:15

I have 4 but younger - nearly 7, 5 and 2 when DC4 arrived.

We always wanted 4 but we also wanted an ally for DC3 as the first two are such a team!

It's working out well (7 months in) and he is adored by all. It's broken up the bigger 2 a bit as often one plays with the baby leaving the other two to play together.

Pregnancy wise it was fine. I just find it hard sometimes always disturbing the baby to go to school, brownies, gymnastics, etc.

BITCAT · 03/02/2010 20:17

god i bet thats hard work having 3 so young..sometimes its better to have them close together they grow up together then dont they plus you get all the child rearing done all in one go and can then live your life and be a young grandma lol

Original poster

Kimmie30 · 03/02/2010 20:31

I really worry about the age gaps with mine as it is. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate being in two minds. Am i just being nostalgic as DS2 is 2 now?

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fruitshootsandheaves · 03/02/2010 20:36

mine were 8, 6 and 4 when DC4 was born. So a bigger gap between last too. I like having a bigger gap as it meant dd could babysit help out after a while.
When DS2 was a baby DD1 would tut at me and say 'oh I'll change his nappy then shall I' and drag carry him off to the bathroom.
I am such a bad mother!

muppetgirl · 03/02/2010 20:41

we're thinking about a 4th we have 3 ds's 5.11, 2 + 7 months. We wouldn't try for a couple of years as I had a c-section with my last ds.

We just can't seem to make a decision though tonight ds 3 is not wanting to sleep we are veering more to the 'no' side of things

I do worry that if we do have a 4th -would we then want another? How do you make the decision to not have anymore?

changer22 · 03/02/2010 21:32

I think because we wanted 4 and had 4 that was our decision to stop.

I found each pregnancy more stressful even though I was well and didn't need to worry. Part of it was because I wanted the baby to be healthy but also because we were doing well as the unit of 3, 4, and 5 we were. If we had a child who had extra needs we worried how we would cope with that child and with the other children.

In saying that, it is hard to think as each month goes by that this is it. My friends who stopped at 2, found themselves stopping at 2 because all of a sudden their youngest was starting school and they didn't want to do the baby bit again. They kind of fell into stopping if that makes sense. I think it's harder knowing that this is it and some of it will be conscious decision making. When I stop breastfeeding, the baby starts walking, when we start potty training, etc. that will be another end to babyhood. 7 months is an especially lovely time too...

BITCAT · 04/02/2010 09:01

I wasnt knocking anyone who has large gaps, and i didnt want to make your decision harder. Each to there own, there are advantages and disadvantages for large gaps and small gaps between children. There is only 15mths between my middle two, i didnt plan it that way, and it was hard work. But just to add i am currently trying for number 5. And my period id late so fingers crossed.

sweetkitty · 04/02/2010 09:18

I'm 27 weeks with no4 who will definitely be our last. Finding this pregnancy a struggle with all the school/nursery/dancing/Rainbow runs but then again I have SPD which doesn't help. Mine will be 5.10yo, 4.4yo, 1.10yo when this one is born. I have no family to help out and that's a struggle too, for instance today I have a MWs appt and will have to take DD2 and 3 with me in the middle of DD3's nap time so she will be grumpy. Oh and we are about to buy a 7 seater and build an extension!!!

BITCAT · 04/02/2010 09:25

i dont have any family that can help me out either..we never really get nights out cause we cant find babysitters we can trust.

pigsinmud · 04/02/2010 09:28

I have 4 - 11,9,6 & 3. It was good, but quite stressy now! I'm hoping things will improve when dc4 starts school. I feel like I've had enough of small children.

4th pregnancy was fine.

I suppose there will be stages when things are difficult. Eldest has just started secondary and has found that tough. Dc2 is very sensitive and negative at the moment. As they get older I'm finding I feel stretched emotionally trying to give them all enough time. There's no time for Me or Us (dh & I), but we recognise this is just a small phase in our lives so we try to enjoy it all as much as possible.

sweetkitty · 04/02/2010 09:38

Bitcat - DH and I have never had a night out together since DD1 was born, we have accepted this we get the odd trip to the cinema in the afternoon about twice a year. We go out separately so the other one can babysit.

psychomum5 · 04/02/2010 10:07

4th is def too much.

5 was insane!!

actually, I recommend 4.......and 5......no idea what 6 would have been, but would never have said no if I had been well enough!

you do hoever need plenty of coffee, wine, humour, screaming space.

BITCAT · 04/02/2010 14:27

Thats what we tend to do..we occassionally get to have a braekfast a cafe when dropped kids off at school and nursery, otherwise we go out seperately

PrinceCat · 04/02/2010 16:46

We were desperate for 4 DC and I now find myself pregnant with #4 and #5

Had not crossed my mind and have spent this pregnancy oscillating between terror and delight (Actually more terror than delight at the mo!)

changer22 · 05/02/2010 12:21

Congratulations! That was my worry (secret wish) with number 4 but there was just the one.

meoww · 05/02/2010 16:44

The main thing is would you have enough time and energy to support your older children if they have troubled teens as many do?
My parents had a new baby (number 4) when i was 14 and i went off the rails, not coping emotionally with hormones and all.
Parents could not give me all the support i needed as they were busy with new baby.
Did not end well.
I ran away aged 14/15, had my own baby at 15, parents still too busy to help me, baby adopted as i couldnt cope alone.
Parents got divorced over all the stess.
Mum is now brining up my 3 younger siblings alone, dad married someone else.

You need to be well prepared for your kid's teenage years as they could begin to need you more than ever, it can be a difficult time emotionally during teen years, even my younger brother is out all night worrying my mother sick. She reckons teen years can be like terrible 2s all over again.
Your kids are approaching teens, beware

meoww · 05/02/2010 16:51

also as you approach mid 30s and later the chance of twins is statistically higher
:-D good luck!

lol
I love babies and understand as i'm very maternal, i just hope you can cope honestly, take all the support you can

kansasmum · 05/02/2010 18:43

I am a mum to 3 : dd almost 16, dd 13 and ds 3!! Massive gap and, yes, ds was lovely surprise! Dh has now a vasectomy so no.4 is not an option and although we both were happy at the time with 3 I must admit I really wish we had gone for no.4. There is such a big gap between my girls and my little boy that it would have been nice to have another sibling closer in age. But it can't happen now but I say go for it- I wish I had.

BITCAT · 05/02/2010 19:35

meoww..does the risk of twins get greater when you have twins in the family..im 33 soon aswell. My dad had a brother and sister that were twins. The sister died aged 3 in a car accident. Was just wondering if that would increase my chance of twins..as i already have 4 and trying for number 5

Original poster

Kimmie30 · 05/02/2010 22:04

Thanks girlies....still don't know what to do!! I think 4 would round off my little family nicely but i am worried about not giving enough to my other children....plus my partner is not 100% sure if he wants to add a 4th to our brood!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh decisions!!

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