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Original poster

Phone Calls

20 replies

looneymum · 03/02/2010 18:44

Good evening. My ex normally rings once a week to speak to the DDs. Recently he has applied to the court saying that I have been difficult with access (which I never have... also he is emigrating to Aus). He sees them regularly but as I say has just stopped ringing. The DDs never ask to ring him. Surely it is the responsibility of the non resident parent to keep this "phone" contact going. Any thoughts? I think he is trying to strengthen his case by saying I don't let them ring.

Pearls of wis please!

OP posts:
WingedVictory · 03/02/2010 23:56

Did you post last year about your ex's planning to emigrate, and asking for your DCs to spend an outrageous amount of time with him there, as part of "his" contact?

If so, you are probably sensible to worry about this, as he sounded a knob. Is there any way you can put it on record that he is welcome to ring at X time any evening (make sure it doesn't interfere with your DDS' schoolwork). A registered letter witnessed by a notary public/JP? That could be cheaper than a solicitor's letter...

I must stress that I am not an expert, but making a paper trail is a standard way of covering one's arse!

WidowWadman · 04/02/2010 07:08

Just offer or encourage them to ring him, if you're worried that it might help his case.

Original poster
looneymum · 04/02/2010 09:13

Hi WingedV and WW

Yep twas me who posted about ex emigrating.... it is still v much ongoing and he hasn't gone yet....

I suppose I don't want to encourage something that hasn't been precedent... they never ask to ring and I don't mention it. To be honest, we are so busy doing stuff after school that it just doesn't feature. Obviously when he does phone, they chat, albeit briefly, to him. He sees them mostly every other weekend, so contact is good and they are settled with this routine. Obviously this makes it all the stranger that he has stopped ringing.

If he is doing it to "make a point" then all he is really doing is not speaking to his children...... strange behaviour indeed!

Have a good day.

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Ivykaty44 · 04/02/2010 09:17

I wonder if he is upset as the children aren't ringing him - so he wants to lay the blame somewhere else, as his children would want to rind him, wouldn't they (well in his mind)

i think soemtimes absent parents don't realise that dc have a life between visits

Original poster
looneymum · 04/02/2010 10:11

Hi Ivy. Thx for posting. I think you are dead right.

I hope he rings tonight and isn't just making it into something petty that is "my fault" for not facilitating so that he can make me look unreasonable in court.

Happy days.

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IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 04/02/2010 10:15

I can't remember how old your dc's are but they are quite young aren't they?

It does sound like a bit of game playing on his part my oldest is 6 and if her dad didn't phone her of an evening it would never in a million years occur to her to phone him.
Children just don't think like that do they?
Cannot believe this is still dragging on for you though with his still being an arse.

Original poster
looneymum · 04/02/2010 10:31

Hiya Ineedacleaner

That's so right. They just don't even mention him. I wish we could just get on with our lives.

They love him and to be honest I wish he wasn't going to Aus it just doesn't seem right for daddy to go round the other side of the world but he has made his choice, has a new baby on the way over there, so that is just that. I just want the DDs to be happy.

Please let it end soon.

DDs are 7 and 5.

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 04/02/2010 10:44

my dd's dad has brought her a mobile phone and contract (she is 10) and she still doesn't call him... I am not going to make her and so he calls her. half the time though he has to text me to ask her to turn her phone on, so that he can then ring her.

dd has a lie and she loves her dad but I know she is inding it a bind and really just wants to get on with stuff - its nothing personel though and I know that he wants to blame me, rahter than look and address at whats wrong with the relationships with all his dc

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 04/02/2010 10:44

I know what you mean, my ex isn't on the other side of the world and he does ring but he doesn't live close by and has to travel. It just doesn't ccur to him ever sometimes that the dc's need to see hima dn want to see him and that phoning or whatever is not enough.

My ex isn't as bad as he used to be but he spends too much time playing the martyr and being the poor hard done by part time parent
I know exactly what you mean about getting on with your lives totally.

Ivykaty44 · 04/02/2010 10:44

sorry thats dd has a life

Original poster
looneymum · 04/02/2010 11:19

Thanks everyone. Of course, my ex seems to think that webcam once a week and seeing them twice a year is sufficient.... bizarre really!

xx

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WingedVictory · 04/02/2010 13:45

Yes, children are rubbish about keeping in touch. Thank-you letters were written upon reminder from my mother.

Yours is a common theme, though: resident carer (generally mother), has to ensure contact is maintained (or else!), but the other parent can and does cancel without thought of consequences. Very hard.

WingedVictory · 04/02/2010 13:46

P.S. WidowWadman, what a nightmare for everyone, having 2 of us WVs on this thread!

Original poster
looneymum · 04/02/2010 18:42

Ok. So he has just rang and they are in the bath. He left a message to say he will ring back later. I doubt he will tho but I could be wrong. I was tempted to text him to say the kids are in the bath and to ring after 7 but I would never have done that before.... it may just look strange. What a nightmare. Isn't it just a bit "luck of the draw"....I feel like I can't do anything unless he rings and they aren't around. Tomorrow they have friends over... we probably wont even hear the phone!

Run away!!!!!

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 04/02/2010 19:03

But WV, I'm WW

WingedVictory · 04/02/2010 19:40

Oops. I am going cross-eyes, with this screen-reading!

WingedVictory · 04/02/2010 19:40

cross-eyed

Original poster
looneymum · 06/02/2010 13:24

Hurrah! He rang last night... even tho the DDs had a friend around to play so it was a noisey call and, he was on for..... 2 whole mins! The conversation went to DD2... "so what are you doing".... "DD2 - I am talking to you".......... a very fulfilling relationship!

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WingedVictory · 06/02/2010 20:51

Was DD2 being sarky, or was it an "out of the mouths of babes" innocent comment? A bit embarassing, but what can you do?! Glad you feel better, though!

Original poster
looneymum · 07/02/2010 09:22

Hi WV. It was just an innocent stating of fact comment! They have poor recall for events of the day... what they had for lunch... etc so it was just typical of the type of conversation they have with him. He doesn't know much about what they do so cannot ask appropriate questions.... knob!

Right. Enjoy your Sunday. The washing machine is playing up so that will put a nice twist on the day!

Take care.

Loons xxx

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