Silly woman on the bus - she really made me angry!

[AnnaInManchester]

I was on the bus today and this woman got on with her 2 children, a girl aged about 6 called Tegan and a girl aged about 9 called Emily. I know they were called this as the mother called both children by the names and they called the woman mum.

Tegan was chatting away and her mum was laughing along with her, but whenever Emily started to talk both the mother and her sister, Tegan told her to be quiet and Tegan was also telling her sister very nastily to 'shut up' and acting very precotious and obnoxious, yet the mother never told Tegan off for being so nasty to her older sister.

Emily's eyes were so full of upset and every time she got humiliated by her sister or told to be quiet by her mum, or even when her mum was laughing and joking along with Tegan, her little face looked so blue, longing for the attention her sister got. It was obvious the other sister was by far the mothers favourite and I just wanted to tell the mother exactly what I thought of her parenting, and take her lovely daughter home with me.

Well I now feel 'judged' for judging

Message withdrawn

What is horrid is not being able to do anything. But what can you do about emotional abuse? I have tried to be nice to unloved twin but that only broings more nasty remarks from mother and loved twin

haven't read the whole thing. Just want to say that it is very dangerous ground deciding to criticise a parent from what you see from a "snapshot" as someone earlier said. I had an old lady on the bus tell me I wasn't fit to be a mother because my dd (22 months old at the time) was moaning a little in her buggy. I knew she was going to fall asleep in the next 5 mins, and that sitting in her view makes it worse, and i also know what a nightmare it is trying to hold a wriggling toddler on a bus, but this woman accused me of not looking after my daughter. I was so mortified and humiliated. I didn't even have a chance to defend myself. I too can't help judging parents when i witness stuff but i would NEVER have the cheek to say anything to them.

my son was born in the August of a very hot summer, seven weeks prematurely. i took him out in a snowsuit. i dont know whether this was wrong or right but i was a first time mother and thats what the hospital had told me to do as he was so small, they said he would get cold very easily.

i had a lot of funny looks in the supermarket last week too. dd had spilt red juice all down her top. we had gone round, she had refused to sit in the trolley for most of the shop, arching her back, going stiff and screaming so i had put her down to walk with me. but no, she didnt want to hold my hand and kept running away. every time i grabbed her hand, she twisted around (she does this lots) and she was trying to throw herself on the floor. i had to gently lower her down and pick her back up otherwise im going to hurt her arm...but it looks like im twisting it on purpose! by the time we got to the till anyway, (after about 15 tantrums and one very recently filled nappy) i had managed to prise her into the trolley for the last minute while i packed up. the woman on the till looked horrified at the state of her and said "you know, you can get a free nappy from here at customer services, look at her (still screaming) its obviously upsetting her". i just didnt have the strength to argue!!

i also was once on a bus, we stopped at some lights and saw a young mother, (buggy facing away from us) shouting and doing some rather agressive slapping. one elderly lady commented to her friend "look at the way she's hitting that child" and continued to complain until we started off again and could actually see that the girl was trying to hit a wasp away from her baby!

its not always what it seems!!

saying that though, i have to add. when on a bus the other week, a girl got on with a screaming toddler in a buggy, yelling at him to shut up. he had a toy drum and stick. he dropped the drum. as she paid, she picked up the drum and (not looking) hurled it with some force into the buggy. it hit him in the face. she yelled at him again to shut up. then whilst trying to get it off his face, he dropped the stick on his own head. again, she yelled at him to shut up. for the rest of the journey, every time he calmed down she yelled at him and started him off again. i was so glad to get off that bus!

it's true there is nothing more stressful than watching that kind of going-on on a bus I have to admit. I think my tolerance is lower too since I had my dd, though i am more understanding in some cases!

I've just been away for the weekend and i heard a woman say to a toddler (girl about 3).
"If you don't stop whinging you'll be going home in a box"!!!!

think thats quite funny

you would!!!

I often threated DS with outlandish behaviour which if someone else overheard would sound highly abusive but DS and I find it funny

threated is obviously the correct tense for the oft misused threaten

FGS, I agree in part with don't judge others without knowing the full story, but Annainmanchester knows what she saw, and is a mother herself and so more attuned to these sorts of things. She isn't a young teenage girl or out of touch old lady (as some of the 'aggressors' were that some of you cited in your examples). Anna's strong perception was the older dd was favoured and the younger dd marginalised.

I would probably have felt sad too if I had witnessed the same thing Anna. And the mother does sound pretty bloody awful

Edit out my pre-fix of FGS and my post doesn't sound so tetchy. Sorry folks!

My reading of the original post is that it is the younger dd who was being favoured over the older one HMC.

I find that quite strange. I suppose outsiders would think I favoured my older children over my younger in some ways, but it is only that I can have a more meaningful convo with the older ones than I can with the younger. Also, I do rely on the older ones keeping the younger ones in order, a bit.

I don't think anyone would think you favoured your older child(ren) over your younger Lonelymum just by observing you...(any way they would probably be too distracted by the fact that you are not wearing any knickers )...

I know what you mean - I can have more meaningful conversations with my eldest (although not that meaningful as she is only just 3) than with my youngest - and my oldest also seems to monopolise my attention...However it would be obvious to anyone observing us that I adore my ds although he doesn't get such focussed attention.

However Anna actually observed the sadness and dejection in the eyes and expression of the other child, which is quite another thing.

I felt a bit sorry for Anna when reading this thread because I perceived that she was being gently ticked off for judging another, when her post was actually from the heart and that she had been quite upset and touched by what she had seen.

Thank you, HandleMeCarefully....

I do know what I saw, and even if the child had done something naughty before getting on the bus, it was still no reason for the mother and sister to be speaking to her like that! Also I noticed the other sister was sat on a chair, but the mother told the 'poor' sister to sit on the floor, which is a wee step leading to the emergency exit on the bus, until it was time for them to get off, even tho there was loads of seats available on the bus.

Unfortunately,Anna is as likely to have witnessed a snapshot that don't represent a regular pattern as she is likely to have seen the real situation. I don't think she is judgemental, some mothers are like that whether we like it or not