Silly woman on the bus - she really made me angry!

[AnnaInManchester]

I was on the bus today and this woman got on with her 2 children, a girl aged about 6 called Tegan and a girl aged about 9 called Emily. I know they were called this as the mother called both children by the names and they called the woman mum.

Tegan was chatting away and her mum was laughing along with her, but whenever Emily started to talk both the mother and her sister, Tegan told her to be quiet and Tegan was also telling her sister very nastily to 'shut up' and acting very precotious and obnoxious, yet the mother never told Tegan off for being so nasty to her older sister.

Emily's eyes were so full of upset and every time she got humiliated by her sister or told to be quiet by her mum, or even when her mum was laughing and joking along with Tegan, her little face looked so blue, longing for the attention her sister got. It was obvious the other sister was by far the mothers favourite and I just wanted to tell the mother exactly what I thought of her parenting, and take her lovely daughter home with me.

I agree with HappyMumof2. I think the saying 'never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes' is a very apt one here

totally agree...happymum2 and compo...

every parent(?) gets stressed, and to be judgemental because someone shows it in public is not helpful - just judgemental.

Would you judge a parent who swears at, and smacks their kids, because the kids were swearing and hitting eachother??

it's too easy to judge...and what good does it do anyway - apart from make you feel better for a milli second?

'let those without sin' etcetcetceetc...

But what about if you see someone smacking their kids like NBG? It's illegal now isn't it? When should we step in and say something?

Message withdrawn

..but what benefit is judging?

It's in anyway helping the mum on the bus, or her child... all it serves to do is to make the judgee feel more sanctamonious (I would never do that) and what is the point in that?

There is no parental consenus of right and wrong any more.
I believe these many, many, parenting programmes have made us all all 'quasi' psychotherapists, parental experts etc.

Truth it we're not, we all all human, and perhaps we should give each other a break now and then?

Message withdrawn

that should read 'it is in no way helping..'

but why are we so ready to turn on each other and accuse each other of poor parenting etc?

In our parents day (yes, I know that was by no means perfect) there was much less analysis of everything.
Parents were allowed to 'parent' their own family I know that led to abuse in some cases - but don't tell me things are so much better now, because they really are not.

But sometimes it is better to step in and say something and be wrong than to not have said anything and be right. I saw a dad punch his son in the head this morning at the swimming pool and I would have loved to have told him that he made me think about calling the NSPCC but I was too scared. I just think that if he does this in public, what does he do at home?

My mum was beaten and tortured over a period of months by my Grandma when she was young (Grandma was seriously mentally ill) and only got away after intervention from the neighbours. So I think it is much better to "judge" and cause offence then say nothing and end up seeing something on the news.

whey hey.. hold on a minute...

we've gone from comments overheard on a bus- to punching in the head...
whole different discussion.

Yes, true. I was just upset that I didn't say anything this morning.

It is not nice to see someone being mean to a child though, no matter what the context.

Message withdrawn

totally agree triceratops.. hopefully cctv camera may have picked it up... perhaps you can tell the leisure centre about it?

Ok, so maybe I was wrong to be so judgemental when all I saw was an hour an a half of this womans parenting, but there is no way u would speak to your daughter the way this woman did!

and isn't it part of our human nature to be naturally judgemental?

isn't it part of human nature to make mistakes, and get it wrong too, sometimes?

Anna, my neighbour is exactly like that to one of her twins. The loved twin has realised how nasty her mother is towards the other that she knows she has free licence to be nasty towards her sister. It is horrible, if you say unloved twin has done something wonderful the mother tells you that's rubish (in front of the girl) and calls the loved twin to make you a demo of how she can make the same thing a hundred times better. I have tried to speak to her about the damage she may be doing to both girls as one is growing up humiliated while the other one is such a spoiled tirant that is difficult to stand. After many conversations to her when she told me how much she despised her own daughter she ended up telling me that she couldn't stand her as she was so simmilar to her exH. I feel so bad about it that I can't even see this woman very often, the situation just makes me so angry I am afraid of being rude to the mother. So... it happens, and sometimes, as in the case of my neighbour, is not a one day problem but something that has extended for several years. I just hope the unloved twin finds a figure in her life that could provide a bit of the love and acceptance that her mother is unable to provide.

That is so sad Chandra. Poor twin

You just feel like throttling mothers like that, don't you? How much physcologically is this going to affect the unloved twin?

I agree that it's not a question of judging, but of feeling actual grief for the child that may not get to grow up in a loving and nurturing environment and ok, these incidents may be just a snapshot and not the whole picture but children treated cruelly, even for a short while will bear the scars.

Yes Saadia, you put it perfectly. I wasn't being horrible about this woman, nor meant to sound so judgemental, but I was just expressing my worry over this apparent sad looking girl who I thought wasn't being treated with respect.