Pregnant 10 months after 1st born. Can someone reassure me that I will be able to cope!

[Tootingbec]

I have just found out that I am pregnant again 10 months after having my first baby. I had planned to have another baby quite soon after my first as I am in my late 30's. I thought it would take at least another 6 months to conceive, but bugger me, it happened the first time we had unprotected sex . My DH and I must be some sort of geriatric hyper fertile freaks.......

I am in shock and a bit scared. How on earth am I going to manage a new baby and an 18 month year old?

Just need some reassuring words from anyone who has had a short gap between children to say that you coped and got through it. My daughter is an angel and sleeps really well so that is one thing in our favour!

I have 20 months between my 2 and the hardest thing I found was being pregnant and having a toddler.

Once DD was born she seemed to just fit in with our lives.

Obviously it is hard work but it would still be hard work with 2 regardless of their ages.

Good luck with everything and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Same gap here for fairly similar reasons.
You can manage it because you will be so much better at the baby stuff than you were the first time round and it will accordingly take up far less of your attention.
There are compromises which will be made - you aim to get by rather than for perfection - but that's ok because the trade-off is that it is basically nice for your siblings to have each other.
And you get those rare precious moments where they are actually entertaining each other, which starts happening sooner than you might think!

It is hard work (we had a third after a 3 year gap, and it's easier having 3 than it was for the first year or so of having 2) but having them so close in age means that the work lessens sooner as you get them running basically in parallel (ie with similar needs and routines) earlier. Also mine play together fantastically now they are 3 and 4!

Congratulations

You will be fine, I suffered a similar shock when DD was 5 months old. Hard work but sooo worth it

you'll be fine, its normal to worry but once you have the 2nd one you will just adapt to it and cope. ive got that same age gap (just under 18 months) and youngest is 7 weeks now, i feel ive got used to having the 2 of them & coping fine, you get some easier days & some harder days of course but overall should be fine. i dont know if it gets harder when they get older, but im sure we can cope - theyre your kids you just cope with them anyway cos u dont have a choice :p
anyway im already feeling desperate to get preg with #3, so cant be that bad an 18 months & a new born
congrats!!!

I have a 14month gap between mine.

Now is the hardest stage, they are 2.5 and 15mo!!

But, you will cope.

Tooting, exactly the same thing happened to me!

It was fine. Hard work, but doable.

I found the anticipation worse than the fact, iykwim?

I even went on to have a 3rd fairly quickly after, although not as quickly as the 2nd!

Hello Tootingbec!

Can't offer reassurance but I do share your experience, having fallen pregnant first time trying with DD only 6 months old. I'm mostly thrilled and excited (when I remember - this pregnancy is already SO different from the first one!) but occasionally terrified.

I keep having tricky moments during the day (from your usual poo explosions to an absolute nightmare with teething over the last week) when I think "I'm only just coping with one - how on earth am I going to manage two at the same time?!" It feels like looking after DD is a full-time job for BOTH DH and me...

BUT we're not the first people to have children close together! And there'll be lots of advantages, I hope, like not having to start the utterly-dependent-baby stage all over again just when your first is sleeping/toilet trained/at school/whatever.

So congratulations, and perhaps we should touch base again in 9 months' time !

get a good double buggy btw - I would have gone insane without my Phil & Teds.

Thanks all for the reassurance - I feel better already! Will definitely look into getting a double buggy. DH thinks we can manage with our Maclaren and a sling

I on the other hand will be trawling e-bay this very afternoon.....

Your DH might want to have another think about that.

I got pg with dd3 when dd2 was 9 months. It took a bit of adjustment; really dd2 was just a baby herself when she was usurped made a big sister. I still have to remind myself now that she is till, in the scheme of things, very little herself though I prob expect too much of her. But now she is 2 and dd3 8mo, they really do seem to be bonding really well, except when my lap really isn't big enough! Enjoy.

you will be fiiiiiiiiiine.

I did 22mth gap, then a 34mth gap, then 17mth, then 26mth......(five altogether)

I am slightly insane (hence the nicname) and I find you need lots of wine and a good sense of humour, but it is fab, and they will love each other so very much as they get bigger

CONGRATULATIONS

I thought having a single and a sling would be fine, until I put that into practise. Then I ended up not being able to get out for four months until I could afford a double.

you really do need a double.. i dont think sling and single will be easy
u can always sell it on afterwards, or if u get one like p&t u can use it as a single afterwards anyway

14 months between DS1 and DS2, 22 months between DS2 and DD1 (and a far more respectable 2.5 years between DD1 and DD2!

You'll be fine.

Its hard graft at first, but that's all it is. Its not rocket science, just physical hard work. It gets easier and easier as they get older. They share the same toys, keep each other amused, go to the same activities together.

Honestly, it works.

Yes, you will need a double buggy (my DS1 wasn't walking til 18 months, then you need to keep them in one place when you shop). A single and sling works, but not for long, and not everytime you go out.

Essentially you'll have two babies to start with. DS1 turned into a hulking great toddler overnight, and I was shocked. It was only by comparison seeing him against his new baby brother, but it did make me a bit .

I had 14 months between the youngest 2 ds only walked at 15 months and it was like having 2 babies but you will definitely need a double buggy theres some quite good ones now compared to when mine were little.

I'm right with you, I found out I was already 11 weeks pregnant recently, my DD2 is 6 months now, and I've invested in a P&T sport. I hope the anticipation is worse than the reality coz I'm really panicing! My DP thinks a sling and a pram will do the job, I have my doubts hence the P&T purchase. I got a second hand one off here actually, probably worth a look as I recall there being a couple available still in the for sale section! I think we'd benefit from a thread devoted to tips on how to manage two so close together.
I'm extra worried as I had an emergency section with DD2 following the pregnancy from hell majority of which was spent in hospital, DD2 was born at 34 weeks and the section was followed up by yet more surgery 11 weeks later to remove infection and retained placenta. I'm so worried somethings gonna go wrong this time as well. they already said it will be an early section as I have so many medical problems and more than likely another stint in special care

My friend had her second DD last Sept, DD1 was just 1.1 at the time!

Although DD2 was a few weeks prem and has had some health issues - my friend seems to be coping netter this time round than she did with DD1.

Don't underestimate the advantage that knowing what to expect with a tiny one will give you!

Ha, I am another one who's DH says sling and maclaren will be fine, there will be 19 months between mine. Hmmmm....who is the one who is going to be on Mat Leave all the time??

I've got a lot more gap between mine (DS will be 2.4) and would recommend a sling and a puschair IF your first is walking ok at that point.

We've got a loola and I think we'll be fine because a) I carried DS most of the time for his first 14 months or so (except in icy weather) and b) DS is already walking well at just 2. The loola means that if I don't strap DS in (happy with that with the bar across) I can use the pushchair for both, interchangably (then a stroller with a buggy board later if needs be).

I found that with carrying DS around, it was the nappy bag that was the real killer, and having a pushchair for that should help a lot (IMO).

I personally don't like the baby seats for P&Ts - they seem so hidden away down there! but if you don't have the confidence/experience with a sling, you'll probably be happier with a good double.

That's insteresting Chairmum, I haven't ruled out the sling/buggy option (used pretty much only sling for first 3 months with DS), so interesting to know. (sorry for hijack though!)
I just thought it was cheeky of DH to say we didn't need a double (he is a big sling fan, more so than me)!! With just a sling the killer was the nappy bag, like you say, and also the fact that there was no option to put him down if you were lucky enough that he was asleep, eg in a cafe, but like you say with a lie flat pushchair I could put tiny one in that as big one will be happy pootling around.
I hadn't thought of that!
Anyway sorry again for hijack.

one of my friends, friends has a six month old and is 4 months pregnant !!

Hi Tootingbec.

There are only 17 months between my two and in all honesty I thought it would be a lot harder then it actually is!

During my pregnancy with DD2 I was nervous of what I thought would happen - what would happen if I was feeding DD2 and DD1 fell over? What if they both needed a bum change at the same time? When do I get to eat/sleep/breathe?

Now they are both here I am much more relaxed. Yes the early days of getting up in the night are tiring, but luckily DD2 is a pretty good sleeper and even though she still gets up in the night she goes back to sleep pretty quickly. Yes there are things that are harder - I would love it if their naps would synchronise! - but generally things aren't a massive amount harder with two than with just one. You will cope, trust me!!!

As for the buggy, I've got both a side-by-side and a tandem. I use the tandem for going out shopping, and the side-by-side for when we are out walking. I did toy with the idea of a sling, but in the end found that it was just easier with the pushchairs. Each to their own though - I can see how it would work for other people. I just don't find slings 100% comfortable (but maybe I just have a rubbish one!)

Good luck with your new family member!