Online / cyber bullying. How common?

[lackingsleep]

Just been having a chat with a friend and the topic of internet / mobile bullying came up. Neither of us were sure as to how much of this goes on, and how the majority of teens / school children deal with this. It came up after another friend's child was bullied so badly they were thinking of suicide.

It is a bit of a worry knowing our own children will inevitably head into that age group (oh to be able to keep them at 4yrs...or then again, maybe not!) but also about the fact that there seems to be very little information about what can be done.

Your thoughts?

It's extremely common and something that, as maryz has said, is good for you to be aware of. You have to be very careful about how you handle it as well as schools and even the police are taking it even more seriously everyday, so if it does occur and you do something similar to what I think maryz has done and it goes wrong, it could go very wrong (not that I think giving a bully a taste of their own medicine is wrong at all, wish I had the guts to do it in school!)

Also, remember to hammer in the point that a computer can be hidden behind and makes it easier for a bully to bully.

Oo, also cyber anything in general. My cousin, aged 9 at the time (I think? Possibly ten), and her friend got chatting to somebody through a kids website, gave him their msn addys and school emails and he told them to call him 'uncle'. My cousin lives with her computer-illiterate nan and it was only because the school found out (after months of this happening may I add!) that she found out abou it.

Meant to add: look out for the signs of that too: changing passwords to email accounts, trying to hide the screen, acting strangely about the computer, etc.

Sadly it's all too common, dd was subjected to a 5 month campaign by a group of former friends. Nasty comments & messages on bebo & facebook, getting other people to do the dirty work when dd blocked former friends. Abusive text messages and abusive phonecalls. It stopped when I contacted the police re tracing withheld mobile telephone numbers. I was put in touch with the school liason officer, who had a stern word with the girls involved and contacted their parents. , in any form, is something I feel very strongly about,my dn was the victim a few year ago and as a result had 3 attempts at suicide. Thankfully she was unsuccessful.

My DD had a spate of this a couple of years ago - it was awful. But she battled through it, dumped the so-called 'friends', made new friends and is now much more warey of who she trusts. A hard lesson to learn at 13, but she is now more circumspect about who she tells what and how much of herself she reveals to new people she meets.

I think that FB abd bebo etc. bring out the worst in some people - particularly cowrdly bully types - as they say things they wouldn't say to person's face.

Oh this is awful. Brightwell, shocked to hear re suicide attempt, must have been terrible for dn.

Have just had first encounter tonight with this type of thing ... My stepson (11 lives with me fulltime) came to me and showed me his facebook page ... A girl in his class has posted several nasty messages including racist and homophobic comments on his page ... I was shocked when I read them and have had to fight the urge to write what I would like to do to her on her page !! ..... Anyway I have not written anything back but I want to put a stop to her behaviour.. Can anyone please advise me what I should do ?

Hi Rumby
DD came to me on tuesday because someone had posted something nasty about one of her friends. From the time it was obviously done in school from a mobile. We took a screen capture and emailed to HOY. DD did not add anything to the page (she wasn't a "friend" anyway. She also did not tell her own friend who was unlikely to have seen it as she didn't want to upset her.

HOY got back to me the next day and the girl has been dealt with, without my own dd and her friend being involved at all.

Thanks Bruffin. I will try this today and hopefully things will settle down .

I think it is useful to have a facebook page and your children as 'friends' just to keep an eye out. Children, in a group, can start to write things which escalate into more. Because of the speed of escalation, no time to think! The sooner you see something has gone too far the easier it is to deal with it constructively.
Some children, if something bad is said about them, almost join in so it looks as though they think it is fun but inside they feel awful so don't assume a comment is actually meant in the way you read it!
Too often youngsters give away small pieces of information about themselves that make them vulnerable. For example, if someone knows what bus you get, they could then work out where you live. 'Stranger danger' awareness is not enough. Also, I think the vetting we hear so much about lulls us into a false sense of security - it only catches the ones who have already been caught. More schools have VLEs now so children are used to communicating with adults outside school - the VLE has brought this about. A VLE (virtual learning environment) is actually very useful as it is one place where homework and other school related info can be located (if pupil has lost homework diary or for those who move between separated parents' homes so don't have the right things in the right home) but it doea
s allow greater familiarity and access between students and teachers or TAs. Many parents can also be supportive to a students learning knowing how the school VLE works but it gives rise to the need for new awareness strategies.

Just thought I would add to the post. I have just this morning contacted the police over cyber-bullying of my 12 year old by another girl in her class - I have also let the school know and the are dealing with the said child.

I won't go into to much detail on what the girl did except that last Thursday she sent/posted a picture of my daughter on facebook which was vulgar with racist undertones (her principal let me know) and with said picture started a group on same.

The girl was asked why and could not answer. I am so hurt by what she has done - so I called the police this morning and they are going to call the girls mum (who is a single parent like me)

I now feel terrible about this as my daughter told me several confidential things about the girl which the school may or may not be aware of and is none of my business.

I feel so sorry for the girls mother (the police said they would be giving the child a warning) but I feel sorry for her poor mum, and on the other hand what the child put my daughter through was unthinkable

I am so stressed and wonder if I have done the right thing - can anyone out there help/advise?

alisara call Kidscape's helpline 08451 205 204 - they are a fabulous anti-bullying charity with loads of advice on how to help. Good luck!

Next Tuesday is safer internet day and there is a website dedicated to support this. WWW.saferinternet.org. They offer really helpful, childfriendly advice.
The important thing for all children to realise is that cyber bullying is a crime and if over 10 years old they could be prosecuted. Advice is if you receive an offensive or bullying text never reply to them, do keep a copy and show an adult. Childine also has really good information for children. I would say, go online with your child and read the information together. It's not just for children who are suffering abuse. There is also another organisation called CEOP who have a great website. You may have heard that they were the organisation that campaigned for the report abuse button on facebook. According to their research 37% of 11-17 year olds have received sexually explicit or distressing texts or emails. 70% knew the sender.
Scary thought!