UP question

[hairymelons]

Read the Alfie Kohn book and loved it but I'm not sure how it can work in practice with a toddler.

For example, my friend was over this afternoon with her 2 1/2 yo DS. My 18mo DS was a bit wary of him going near his toys and tried to push him away/ take things off him. Without thinking too much I was saying "no pushing, pushing hurts" and "share with X" and "don't do that". All the wrong things probably.

I just didn't want him to end up hurting my friend's little boy. I suppose I didn't want to offend her by saying nothing either, but mainly I wanted him to know that it's not okay to do those things.

Just wondering how other people negociate these kinds of situations with toddlers really.

Thanks

It's definitely ok to say 'we don't hit' to toddlers. Neglectful, in fact, to not pass this vital information on! UP doesn't mean 'do nothing' it means 'don't punish'. Just reiterating it repeatedly will get the message through eventually - it takes all children a while to learn things.

He really is only 18m so it just is a case of saying things over and over again until he learns.

That makes sense, thanks!
I know he'll get the message eventually and I'm not worried about his behaviour, just giving him the right message really.
Cheers.