Give me your BEST tips for successfully parenting two children.

[SpeedyGonzalez]

We have one 3 yo and another on the way. I am determined to be organised and prepared!

TIA!

treat them as individuals..what works for one child doesnt always work for the other.
Try to be fair.
Give the older child things to occupy them if you busy with baby..makes them feel important..and can stop any tantrums before they start. And im sure you already know this anyway..routine is key..children like to know where they are..and what happening next.

Thanks Bitcat! I've been thinking lots about your first point recently, so it's good to be reminded.

just go with the flow. don't waste time feeling guilty about your eldest child when you have the baby. it will be much easier than you think. my children aged 2 and 5 would be lost without each other now. having another baby is a wonderful thing for your eldest. my eldest cannot remember life as an only child.

I did a lot of reading when feeding when DD was a newborn (DS was 2.5 yrs when she was born). I concentrated on going out and doing DS's activities in the mornings (with DD in a sling mostly) and then home for a rest in the afternoon. I was lucky that DS was still napping sometimes, and we all 3 used to curl up in my bed on those days.

I think the thing that also helped me was realising that the baby actually had quite simple needs i.e., feed/change/sleep, whereas my toddler had more emotional needs, and needed my attention more. This is where the sling came in handy, as DD was getting what she needed, while I played with DS. I also had a post-natal doula for the early weeks as I don't have family nearby.

I'm now a year on and there is definitely a lovely relationship developing between the two of them.

You remember that Bible story about the wisdom of Solomon where two mothers say the same baby belongs to them so he threatens to cut it in half? You can do a version of that for lots of occasions with 2 children fighting over something:
'If you can't agree what to watch between yourselves, I'll turn the television off.'
'If you can't share your crisps nicely with each other, I'll eat them.'
'If you keep fighting over the toy and don't take turns I'll take it away.'
(am mean but effective Mummy.)

On a nicer note, you can have hours of fun/defuse a lot of confrontations by adopting a squeaky voice and pretending to be the baby talking. Eg older child won't put hat on, you make the baby say 'Hats go on your feet don't they Mummy?' and the older child will rush to show baby the proper way to wear a hat.

I second the Huge Cardboard Box. Cardboard boxes are the best toys in the whole world, possibly.

What FABULOUS tips! I can see myself doing ALL of these! (apart from the older sib napping thing - those days are a thing of the past )

BadGardener - are you my MeanMummyTwin? I think your Solomon approach is perfectly reasonable and absolutely correct. I also do a similar 'hats' thing when reminding DS to cover his mouth whilst coughing - I say 'Don't forget to cover your ears!' and then he covers his mouth and goes: 'No, Mummy, I have to cover my mouth! My ears don't have teeth!'

We've been doing that one for about a month now and he's still not bored of it. Bless.

(actually, both children are napping now, so I'm on here rather than cleaning the bathroom - v rare these days)

I used to try to make it appear to DD (who was 18 months when DS was born) that she was still my priority. After all, DS wasn't 'aware' as long as he was fed, bathed, changed etc.

If/When DS used to cry, if I was doing something with DD I wouldn't just run off to him. Within seconds DD would tell me I should help DS. I used to involve her, 'I wonder what he needs' I'd say... she'd soon suggest that I should feed him or change him.

Playing with DS always involved DD, unless she was occupied with another game happily playing by herself. As long as DD wasn't doing anything daft, then I'd try to remain relaxed and avoid saying things like 'Don't do that' etc.

They soon bond with a new baby. And before you know it they're happily fighting with each other. Wo betide the fool who decides to take sides though...

Good luck, there's no getting away from the fact that it's hard work having a toddler and a baby. But it's worth it!

teach not to use nouns as verbs adn they will go along way

Totally agree with BG - The 'Solomon Approach' is the only way to resolve disputes with no fuss.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Of course, deciding what counts as small is really hard!

Don't think you have to get it all sorted straight away; give yourself plenty of time to feel your way into it. It took me at least a week not to be scared just to be left on my own with the two of them. Not sure why really - it's not as if they could run off in opposite directions.

Also, if your dh/dp has some paternity leave and is around after the birth, the temptation can be for him to do ALL the stuff with the older child while you 'do' the baby, esp if breastfeeding. At least it was for us - and while it was a great and rare opportunity for dh and ds1 to spend lots of quality time together, ds1 was really reassured by me taking him out on my own (in between hourly feeds!) and doing fun things like baking fairy cakes while dh looked after ds2 sometimes.

Work REALLY hard on their relationship.

Remember that babies are fine if they are warm, reasonably clean and fed - it's the older one who has complex needs.

Make sure that the older one realizes that you find the baby a pain in the neck sometimes too - every few days say something like "Oh no, she's crying again. Babies can be such a bore. You just sit here and eat this chocolate biscuit while I sort her out and then we'll do something more interesting"

Bribe, bribe and bribe again.