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Original poster

Trying to ease 18mo DD into idea of new sister...

10 replies

lola0109 · 31/01/2010 22:48

Hi all,

I'm just looking for some advice, I am due in 8 weeks and have a 17 month old DD. We have been quite honest about the new arrival and until now she has been quite accepting. She would say there was a baby in mummys belly and point at new things and say baby.

We haven't spoke too mcuh about the baby or bought loads of stuff as we have it all, but now she refuses to say there is a baby in my belly and when she is in the room with the crib she'll get annoyed and slam the door shut. (yes she is 17 months not years )

She has also became quite clingy lately which I feel will jsut get worse now that I am finishing up on mat leave this week.

I was just hoping anyone could offer some hints/tips in introducing DC2 into the house without DC1 feeling really put out or threatened. I don't know if it will be easier because DD1 is still so young or if that makes things harder?? So any advice is welcome, I know DD2 will just fit into our life but want to make the transition a bit easier for DD1.

TIA

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CatJosephine · 31/01/2010 22:52

DS was 20 months old when I had DD. He was pretty clueless.

Things that helped:

a present from the baby
DH looking after the baby whilst I spent time with DS

Generally he didn't seem that bothered. It was me who found it hard.

Will try and think of other stuff.

boundarybabe · 01/02/2010 10:26

I don't know much about toddlers yet - (DS is nearly 1), but would a new dolly help that would be her 'baby' then she feed it/ change it at the same time as you feed/change your new DD? Perhaps said dolly could be produced at the same time she is introduced to her sister?

Original poster

lola0109 · 01/02/2010 10:58

boundarybabe we bought her a new doll for christmas, with a wee moses basket etc and she does play away fine and puts her nappies on the doll. We thought getting her used to being gentle and knwoing what the baby needs etc would be good.

I don't envisage huge problems, it was just that we had my niece and nephew over at the weekend and usually my sister and I just descend on my parents house at the weekend as its bigger and the kids have toys there and play away great. But in our house it seemed to be a different story, everything was DD's and she made sure people knew it. So this started me worrying! My niece stayed over and stayed in my room as DP was nightshift. when DD woke up and realised she was there she had a fit! Now obviously we plan on having DD2 in our room for first 6 months as we did with DD1, but I feel this might cause the biggest problem!

We have got the present from new baby, a big aquadraw mat and a couple of DVD's, the hope being that these are things she could do whilst feeding and we have loads of books in preperation for that as well.

I've read all the books and advice but just thought someone could offer something that they found that wasn't suggested before.

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sweetkitty · 01/02/2010 11:06

I have 18 months between my first two DDs and I cannot remember there being any problem with jealousy etc. I think with DD1 being younger she just accepted her sister.

Tips that helped me are, if you are BFing have a stash of books for the older one, DD1 liked to snuggle into my other side and read or watch TV with me. Have somewhere toddler proof you can put the baby if you need to leave the room for eg the toilet/cook, we had a travel cot set up that DD2 could go in to escape DD1.

woodyandbuzz · 01/02/2010 11:13

I'd get her a dolly, a doll buggy and a doll crib. It is a shock when a sibling arrives, but lots of new toys soften it - I bought my DS loads of plastic toys, he was so happy he accepted DD immediately. He loves her to bits and we've never had any jealously issues.

Original poster

lola0109 · 01/02/2010 11:52

Thanks, I'm hoping the small age gap is a help, my brother was 18 months when i arrived and we are so close but now my mum tells us of the problems she had, my brother wouldn't go near her for a week when she came home and when she tried to breastfeed me he would bang his head off a wall so i was breastfeed for only a few days! I blame my brother for a lot now! Selfish git!

But I assume with the more kids you have the easier it is as my mum had 5 in total all with small age gaps (91/2 years between oldest and youngest) and no problems like she had with my brother!

woody i'm sure the books will tell you against lots of toys but I'm with you, plenty of toys and plenty of treats!

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Firawla · 01/02/2010 13:27

i've got just under 18 months between my ds and as someone said earlier, my older one was pretty clueless really. i don't think he had any real idea he was getting a little bro, we did tell him but don't think it sunk in as such? but your dd sounds more advanced in terms of talking and evrything so maybe understands a lot more..
anyway at first my ds1 totally ignored the baby he wasn't bothered. then we got some jealousy that lasted for about a week and now he is fine (ds2 6 weeks now), i think they adapt pretty quickly @ this age
just try to keep ur dd1s routine the same despite the baby, then i think it will be fine. i find my ds1 is better if i make sure to get him out the house like before, the week i had jealousy problems seemed to be also cos i hadn't yet started back taking them out to any groups or anything so he was getting bored @ home, leading to more attention seeking kind of behaviour?
and tell them that the younger one really likes them and thinks they are so great, it makes them like the baby more. I read a tip from someone else on here about hold up the baby and make him "talk" to the other one, I copied that and it really works, ds1 found it quite hilarious and it makes him more friendly to ds2. I do it if I need 2 get some messages across like please b careful and gentle with the baby, you can do that and make it as if the message is coming from the baby himself eg just make them say "oh 'ds1' please b gentle with me, i am not big and strong like u im only little, so please be kind to me" - sounds silly but works :p

Original poster

lola0109 · 01/02/2010 15:07

Firawla thanks thats great advice, she is advanced in someways but still quite young in other ways. she was probably spoiled a lot as she was first grandchild on DP's side, so its the vying for attention I think might be the problem. I'm hoping to get them out of the house and that should help.

I'm still going to put her into nursery two days a week, as she really enjoys it and I don't want to break her routine, is this a good idea or do you think she'll feel pushed out?

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woodyandbuzz · 01/02/2010 17:36

lola - I didn't read the books

but to give you an example...they are 4 and 2 now. My 4yo DS got given a 2 fingered kitkat (from friend). When we got home, he sat on the sofa with DD, opened the kitkat and broke it in half and handed half to her without even being asked! I couldn't believe my eyes.

I think at 18m, your DD is so little herself that she's going to have no recollection of what she got when her sibling was born. I think I would probably not get a stack of toys for a 5 or 6 yo, but for an 18mo, it really is ideal.

Firawla · 01/02/2010 20:03

if she already goes and she enjoys it i think i would keep sending her. mine's not started nursery yet so didn't have to think of that, but i would have thought it'll be good for her to keep going if she already likes it. its only 2 days not as if its all week

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