Managing with 11 month old and 4.5 year old

[ifeelitall]

4.5 yr old is good most of the time, and is at kindergarten till 4pm every day, but I just can't help but feel he's getting the short end of the stick. Life with 11 mo is much easier now he's older but he's crawling and trying to walk and I feel like I literally have to be right there behind him most of the time as he's always about to topple over/stick his wet fingers into a socket etc.

I spend my days with the baby, cooking and tidying when he naps, playing with him or going out for a walk/shopping when he's awake, and then we go and get 4.5 yo at 4pm. By the time we've got home (lots of dawdling, sometimes [minimal] food shopping on the way etc.), it's coming up for 5, and I get their supper ready. After that, 4.5 yo wants to watch a dvd and I usually let him while I clear up the kitchen and get the baby ready for bed. He's asleep by 7.

And then it's time for the older one to get ready for bed, and he's usually asleep by 7.30, sometimes 8. But I just feel like I'm not getting any time with him - we just don't DO much together any more. We just to play together before/after supper, or do drawings, whatever - and now it feels like he's just spending a lot of time sitting staring at the telly.

Any tips on how to manage things better?
Sorry this is long! And thank you.

I completely understand what you mean. It's really hard isn't it. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old.

I don't know if this is possible but I picked my 3 year old up from nursery about 2 hours early on Friday. I didn't tell her that I was going to do it and I just said that I've come to get her because I wanted to play with her and that I was taking her to the local farm. She was absolutely buzzing with excitement at the sheer unexpectedness of it and her face literally glowed when I told her what was happening. We had a lovely time feeding goats and having a hot chocolate.

Could you do something like that one day or book one to one time with him at the weekend when you DP can look after the baby?

Thank you MrsTriangle - so nice to hear kind words and some empathy.

Yes, this is a good idea - I've been thinking about picking the older one up after lunch on Fridays and taking him to do something fun (although baby would be with us too). Baby is still napping in the afternoons from 1-2.30ish or 3pm, which kind of takes up a big chunk, but I'm sort of hoping that when he switches to a lunchtime nap at 12, we'll be able to get out and about earlier and make more of the afternoon.

I also thought I could maybe dash out with the older one on Sat or Sun mornings when baby has his nap, as dh often likes to have a snooze then anyway.

I think I just need to decide on a couple of strategies and organise myself!

p.s. your farm afternoon with your daughter sounds fantastic, not surprised she loved it.

Maybe have it more on an ad hoc 'once a week' basis? So that it isn't expected by either you or him and keeps some of the magic to it. I imagine it would be very easy for it to become expected and more chore like if it was the same time each week. Having said that, it could be the time that you both look forward to!

11 months is still young enough to be dragged around with you. If the activity you choose is definitely what your 4 year old would like, then that's all he'll notice I think (your older one I mean!).

Your weekend idea sounds great! Plus it's always so nice to have the older one to yourself with no baby in tow .

I will have to do that myself!!!

im in a similar situation, dd is 4 and ds is 14 months, dd is at nursery 3 days a week 9-3pm so we have 2 days a week all together, dd resents ds and is not really very nice to him most of the time and he worships the ground she walks on, its unfair on both of them, he doesnt understand why she shouts in his face and constantly runs away from him but then she has had to deal with me being taken away from her and always having this new baby to deal with, he is a clingy baby, and like u said when they are learning to walk you have to be there behind them all the time.
when he has his naps i find it hard to just play with her like i should as i have so much housework to do, i try to get her involved and make games of it which she enjoys but i have a sinking feeling that im failing her a bit, im hoping once hes walking and talking a bit more we can all do things together a bit more instead of me being unsuccessfully split in two!
ive found it harder than i expected having 2 and my partner wants a third!!! im really not so sure!