The best days of your life?

[Kmg]

When my boys were tiny, and I was exhausted, rather bored, and suffering from sleep deprivation, people often said to me "Enjoy it - these are the best days of your life, you know!" And I would have cheefully smacked them one, if I didn't have a position to maintain in society.. Many of my pre-child days were infinitely better than those endless days with tiny babies.

BUT now I am experiencing those best days. I'm a SAHM, and the boys are 2 and 3 (almost 4), and we have some fantastic times. Money is tight, of course, but life is easy - there's very little time pressure. We enjoy growing vegetables in the garden together, or watching the builders down the road, or choosing new books at the library, or learning to ride their bikes. There's times, of course, when I want to bang their heads together, but usually only between 4 pm and 5 pm! I truly adore life at the moment, and dread returning to the cut and thrust of work-life at some point in the future.

Do you feel like this? Do you enjoy life now? Or are you looking back to some point in the past, or forward to some point in the future?

People said that to me too, and I thought to myself 'what tosh' but I think you're probably right. When you've got little ones and can be at home with them you do have the time to be amazed at cobwebs again and pop up books and best of all candy floss and loads of other good stuff. (Before anyone gets into the to-stay-at-home-or-not argument, I'm not talking about that today!) My time passed so quickly and in a haze of post natal depression that I quite envy you yours! My children however seem to have accumulated quite a fund of 'do you remember when we..' memories, so the fact that I wasn't really with it doesn't seem to have affected them at all!! I'm actually enjoying them both discovering stuff as teens now too, you forget that some of the stuff you know is first time round for them. My 14 yr old son has gone out to a pop concert tonight on the theme of 'say no to drugs' I'm having to slap myself every so often!! My sister's children are what I call tiddlers age now and they make me nostalgic but not in the slightest bit broody! Horaah!

My life, prior to husband no. 2 and our beautiful boy, was a very wealthy one, lots of jet-set holidays, always flying 1st class, hotel suites, Gucci etc. I am not bragging but trying to outline the amount of money that flowed freely. I ended this marriage with a lucky escape from a spell in a psychiatric hospital. Now me and my second husband have little money, few holidays, an infrequent an relatively unexciting social life but I have never been happier. These are undoubtedly the best days of my life and I try to treasure every one of them. I never thought I would be content with so little materially but my marriage and my son is worth so much more. A real cliche I know but .. money cant buy you happiness.

Wasn't it Dickens who used the line 'it was the best of times, it was the worst of times'? I think that sums up my feelings about the last two years since our son was born. Never have I felt so happy, so contented, laughed so much or felt so miserable and angry. Sometimes all in the same day.

I am glad to have moved on from each stage of my child's life, but sometimes feel a pang of nostalgia when I see other babies. But to me, the enjoyment I get from my son discovering things and seeing and hearing his amazement is so fantastic that I look forward to things to come and share with him.

I think if was a SAHM planning to return to work in the future I'd use my time to train to do something that I really wanted to to. Or, go to a job that didn't necessarily pay well, but gave me pleasure, like being a lollipop lady or something like that!

I too get that pang of nostalgia when I see babies, but I'm glad to move on, and, as others have said, look forward to discovering and rediscovering things with my children as they grow. I'm so glad Kia, that you do not look back to a 'golden age' of childhood before the teenage years. You give me hope.

Kmg, I do envy you. Not so much for being at home (though that too especially on a sunny day like this) but mostly for really appreciating and enjoying your 2 and 3 year old. Looking back over the last few years, as a very broad generalisation, I am happier with little babies or 4-year-olds upwards. I find the toddler years really hard work. Ok it's lovely to see your child blossom and learn but the sheer unreasonableness of a three year old!!. Once I could have more of a normal conversation with my 4 year old, not watch his every move, know he would not stuff a banana inside the video player, I felt so much more relaxed. Now I have a nearly 2 year old, my mantra is 'only 2 more years to go'.

I love having children and so these are good years but I do look forward to when they are both a few years older. Still children, but able to play (or argue!) together, which at 7 and 2 they can't do now. Though they are beginning to.

I so much enjoyed being 7, 8 and 9.I think so far this is my golden age. I was very conscious that I was no longer being treated as 'a baby', but was still very much a child, without responsibilities, puberty or exams to cloud my horizon. I read all those 'Narnia' books and felt so melancholy after Susan, the older girl, got too old to go throught the magic wardrobe. I've told my son to really relish and enjoy his next few years. Lots of my memorines begin at around this age, so I really want to make this a happy time for him.

I only give expectant parents two pieces of advice, one of which is, "Don't worry, it gets better". After the original post-birth euphoria had worn off after my daughter was born, I was very lonely and sad at home. But then after a few months and especially when she could sit up, things got better every day. Now dd is 18 months old, starting to talk and is just lovely. And on a Sunday afternoon when we're all at home, us reading the paper and her playing with bricks or pulling books off the shelves, it's just how I imagined having a child would be.

Tigermoth I can really relate to the happiness in babies or 4+. I really used to hate when people whinged on about children/babies. For the first 2 years of my childs life I could be brought to tears on a daily basis at the sheer joy, emotion, pleasure of this wonderful experience. It was a million times better that I had expected. However since the arrival of number 2 (10months ago) and with number 3 due in 6 weeks -- everything has changed. The baby is beautiful and easy ..I find the 2 year old quite hard work and emotionally demanding. I feel really sad that I have lost that magic, exhilerating, first love feeling. I am now one of those moaning mothers, I feel constantly exhausted, a domestic drudge, my fuse is so short that my snapping just exacerbates the situation with my 2 year old. Somedays I feel that I am just unpicking all of the hard work I put into creating this lovely little boy. I hope things will get better after number 3 arrives (I am hoping the present mood is due to stresses and strains of the final weeks of pregnancy).

I know how you feel, Knackered. I have 2 children (3 and a half and 20 months) and am 23 weeks pregnant. I always feel so grumpy, horribe and mean. Not the mother I'd hoped to be. Guilty too. My husband says 'forgive yourself', which isn't easy. My cousin reminded me the other day, and I hope it will be true for you, that it is easier (but not easy, of course!)to have a babe in a basket than it is to remain a sane and able mother whilst lugging 2+ stone around with you all day and night. I also try to start each day afresh, regardless of the day before's behaviour - mine and theirs..........

I prefer things now to when Jack was a baby. He enjoys nursery so much, it's a pleasure to see his little face!

I am looking forward to when he gets older and starts achieving things, not becoming PM or anything (unless he wants LOL) but just things. I can't explain what things. Then other days, I worry he's going to sit and do nothing.

I do know people who just seem to breed and I wonder a)why they do it and b)how they can do it. Not even giving themselves time to heal some people I know. And then they don't seem to be particularly happy, they don't really relish their children.

Knakered - now we know why you chose your name! I think you are carrying a huge burden (in all ways!) - no wonder you stagger from time to time. And in this muggy heat too. 2 is harder than 1, 3 is harder than 2 - but much more rewarding. Just wait until they start really relating to each other.

Your husband is right - you have to forgive youself, and also cut yourself some slack. Can you forget a bit of the household drudgery? The children won't notice a mess. Can you ask for some help (from someone who will give it? And just remember, in memory of Jack Lemmon - "Nobody's perfect!"

Reading these last few messages, I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds toddlers a trail at times. Honestly, it does get better.