My daughter can be, shall we say, "strong-willed" at times but is for the most part a lovely, happy, well-behaved 4 year old. At nursery and friends houses I always get glowing reports. It's mostly for people she's very familiar with, and most especially me, that this strong-willed behaviour comes out. Occassionally it's expressed as outright defiance "I don't have to do what you tell me" etc, but more often it's just a case of her completely ignoring whoever is speaking to her. Things like "Please get dressed, put your clothes in the laundry, stop jumping on the bed, don't climb on the furniture, get in the bath now, don't walk backwards on the stairs, stop shouting, etc, etc, etc" will be completely ignored - as if she hasn't even heard (her hearing is fine btw).
So usually the way this goes is, I repeat the request more firmly, try and make eye contact so that she knows I'm serious, repeat it again with a slightly raised voice. And when this still gets no response (sometimes she shouts "OK, I know that!" and then carries on with whatever she was doing) then I shout. This usually gets her attention but also makes her even more stubborn adn unwilling to comply. It's usually at this point that I just get furious and the shouting becomes of operatic proportions! I'll just scream at her until I'm red in the face and hating myself for it. Sometimes she cries. Usually she ends up finally doing what I've asked. But we both end up feeling awful.
I hate behaving like that and I hate making my little girl feel that bad. it's not as if she's set fire to the dog or painted my lounge red or anything. Basically she's just being 4. A stubborn, willful 4 but still pretty normal I think.
so I do I resolve these situations before I reach boiling point? Does anybody have any advice? Has anyone read taht book "How to talk so children will listen" and if so is it at all useful? (haven't read it myself been wondering if maybe I should).