How do you stop kids wanting to be bought stuff all the time?

[roseability]

My DS is nearly four and a delightful little boy

However he is starting to expect things be bought for him. This is partly my fault and partly because GPs spoil him

What is a good balance? We have started pocket money in the hope he will learn to save for things he likes

I am worried he is a little spoilt

hey anyfucker
I have probably never told you but you name always makes me grin

The thing is that half the people gawping in the toys shop I had to remove her from were the usual ones arguing, snapping and saying no and then hurumphing and giving in.
I always think saying no, wimping out and then being all passive aggressive and grumpy with a three year old is a really great strategy

Tantrums crack me up, they are just so upset about the silliest things.

oo ta, pag

I'm one of those annoying people who ditches small toys at the checkout. DD(3) can look at something on the way round if she really wants to, but 9 times out of 10 it's in the trolley after 2 mins when she loses interest.

I don't think she knows that toys actually can leave the shop!

I have been known to tell her that the toys live at the shop and if we take them home they'll be sad to leave all their friends.....

We have a "pasta jar" system, they get 10 pieces of pasta, they get a treat. which could be a small toy, or some sweets. You could give him a piece of pasta, say, for not asking for treats in a shop. or for getting dressed nicely. Or going to bed without a fuss. you can do it with pocket money too but mine, at 4, were a bit young to cope well with the value of money and the pasta system worked better.

Then when he asks for things in shops you can say things like:
"Good idea, you can have that as your next pasta treat".
along with, for bigger htings:
"Oh yes, let's put that on your birthday list".

Then you aren't saying no, but still you are in charge of if and when they get the treat.

ROFL @ Astrids "I have been known to tell her that the toys live at the shop and if we take them home they'll be sad to leave all their friends..... "

I like that

You get them a treat SOMETIMES at the supermarket. You get them an ice-cream SOMETIMES at the park in summer - isn't that obvious?

It's not their fault if they ask when they've had a treat every time.

They ask. I say no. They might ask again. I say I've already told you we're only buying food today, or whatever. I say don't ask again.

Avoid shops???? Are you kidding me?

Well, if they don't have any (or very limited) media exposure, and don't go to toy shops, etc, they don't know there are things to actually buy.

DS knows the names of 25 flowers and plants and no Disney characters (massively smug face insert here).

My two are now older teenagers with jobs, but when they were younger we had great trouble with getting them to understand about treats. From a young age we had to explain about money and how we had to save money to pay bills etc. DS1 couldn't understand the concept that we didn't have the money for x, he thought we could go to the cashpoint and get more money anytime we liked.

They can have lots of friends-you are the mum and unique-they love you, but they don't have to like you all the time!! You can't please them all the time so it is pointless trying. Just say no. I didn't have to; we did a lot of window shopping when they were small and they were quite happy to look because they didn't expect to have it. It is then far more exciting when they have some money to spend, or you decide to have treat them on an odd occasion.

I too love Anyfucker, and my heart leaps whenever I see her name
I hate whinging kids being bought all sorts of stuff because they are demanding it- I have always said no. Presents are for Xmas and birthdays- mine have to save up if they want things they don't "need".
Say NO!!!

Yes I'm with the majority here - you can't stop them wanting, but you can stop them having something new every time you go out. My DD1 regularly says 'I want this, I want that' but it frankly doesn't occur to me to buy her stuff for no reason (ie not birthday or Xmas or deemed by me to be super-educational and improving).

He will learn he has a different relationship to your MIL than you. I am always at the amount of crap my 2yo DD comes home with from grandma's and have tried explaining to my mum I don't want her to be spoilt or expect things of my mum, or that my mum feels she can't say no because she doesn't see her very often. She basically gives me the 'tough, I'll do what I want' attitude (that's a whole other story though!).

You really need to start saying no otherwise you will be doing him a disservice. What's the worst that you think will happen? He'll not like you? He'll not remember it within a few days and later on he'll respect you a lot more and appreciate what you do do for him.

When i was a child I was bought pretty much everything when I asked for. I was a nice, polite child and generous too.

As an adult I hardly ever by things for myself and I love buying things for others though. Perhaps this as a result of getting thinks I liked and being grateful for them and being shown generousity.

My parents stratgey was high risk but paid off for me and my siblings as we are all generous to a fault and as adults don't feel the need to have 'stuff' and are not materialistic.

I don't think i'll be doing what my parents did though - mainly because i can't afford to! Also it think it's hard to pull off and i dont' want to risk it backfiring.