Paranoid that my dd is 'small' for her age

[nigelslaterfan]

dd (now 16 months) was bang on the middle line from birth to six weeks and has since fallen off. She's now clearly smaller than her peer group but not extrememly so.

I just presume it must be my fault that her diet was somehow lacking that she went off the middle line. Is that mad? In the first year is intake the only thing?

Also my sil had a baby last year which was smallish at birth and the whole family is totally obsessed with how much weight the baby is gaining. Now at 6 weeks her baby is already a kilo heavier than dd was at the same age and I feel so bad and competed with it's pathetic. But I just can't get over feeling bad that I perhaps didn't feed her enough.... btw she has always looked really healthy and been podgy too. I just don't know the science of it is all.
People say such conflicting things and they are forever calling her "TINY" when if you blame yourself for that it just feels like a massive criticism.

We're both slightly above average height I think.

I haven't had her weighed for ages but I can tell from her clothes sizes and from her immediate peer group that she's on the small size.

I just wondered if there was a kind of scientific law which says a baby on the middle line at birth is like to stay on it if feed perfectly, i.e that in the first year it's all about diet. I don't know the variables that's all.

my b and s in law are extremely competitive about everything, I don't think they're actually at all conscious that they are (it's actually a very loving family in lots of ways) but I can't just see this size thing will go on and on and I just wonder... did I not feed her enough?! I don't know though, she looked so well.

competitive about a baby's height?

Apparently western women are gradually evolving to be shorter. Its not a bad thing!

I think children end up being the size they were meant to be.

DD was tiny when she was born, and is now v tall.
Ds was a big baby, and now is a bit taller than his peers.

Babies and their weight is a competitive business and it is daft, but at the time it seems to really matter.

Don't stress any more. I insist!

thanks v much.

I think this is hitting a nerve for me because this couple make all sorts of little comments that are quietly saying how they are better than us and it just wears me down and I can't face years of competitive parenting, I hate it, and it's just a mad way to live, I agree!
But I accept I'm vulnerable to it. My f was massively competitive and left my family to pursue the instincts he found in his pants. Me and my siblings seem to have suffered from some of his issues ever since, and this must be one of them.
Thanks for the reality check I appreciate it.....
dd fits European size clothes, or is a bit bigger than them.

Oh I'm so glad, dd is wearing some under a year stuff too!
All her contemporaries look like GIANTS next to her.
And because she walked youngish (11 months) people would just go on and on "how old? she's tiny!" and point her out to friends etc like she was an exhibit.

the worst is when they say

"isn't she diddy?"
That I really hate. Particularly as she's fierce as a lion and kicks butt like one too!

At 6 weeks there is very little to talk about with a baby other than it;s weight - I think people DO tend to obsess rather - esp first timers. So ignore your SIL & her family

Does your dd eat OK - ie eat a good range of foods, fairly happy to sit & eat things? And is she growing? And is she healthy, lots of energy? Well then, you're doing a fab job

Dd is a skinny little thing (she's 3.5 & currently wearing a skirt sized 18 mths-2 years. Although it is rather short). She dropped right down the percentiles at a similar stage. But she's happy, robustly healthy & eats most things.

And given the terrifying prevelance of childhood obesity, combined with the increase in eating disorders, I'd say that rearing a child with an ability to say no when they've had enough, & who doesn't feel the need to empty her plate to 'please' mummy is a very, very good thing.

And people do say 'Ahh, she's so little, isn't she sweet."

Until they know her

LOL deepdark with dd too! She is 20 times more ferocious than gentle ds was at this age! She's more focussed than anything I've seen except maybe some force of nature...

Ds was light too and now is normal height and slim as a whippet, he eats only when hungry, no grazing, so maybe she's similar.

Thanks so much for the reassurance...... I must stop letting this couple get to me! Life doesn't have to be a competition does it?!

NSfan, I think you know really that your dd is gorgeous etc and just the right weight/ height for HER. Seems that the issue is how to deal with other people's comments...

Maybe you need to keep reciting 'yes, isn't she perfect' to yourself first, and then it'll come naturally when said to others...

My dd is definitely diddy (age 3, started 7lb 5oz, but now tiny) but I'm just enjoying her size. Maybe because she's my third, and I know for a fact she eats very well, and it as healthy as anyone else.

thanks v much for all these posts, I've come down from sobbing heap to facing the cleaning! It's your doing! All hail noble mumsnetters who are not mad like me
bowing in gratitude emoticon.

We have this too - my DD is almost 17 months and she's fairly short and light. Haven't had her weighed since October (9kg with clothes on) but she's always been about 25th centile for weight and height (still BF - allergic to cow's milk and eggs, which I really hate).

Her 11 month old (male) cousin is already bigger than her - his feet and hands were bigger than hers when he was born. DH and I are both above average height but were also both smaller than average when young so maybe she'll grow more later.

I always felt such a failure - it would really upset me after she'd been weighed and the HVs said "hmm, weight a bit static - is she getting enough to eat?". It didn't help that we had to see a dietician because of her allergies - she suggested stirring olive oil into her food and giving her peanut butter so she got extra calories. It really made me paranoid. She seems to eat well and has lots of energy so what else can we do? I've tried to stop worrying about it - she eats when she's hungry.

There's a strong family trait on DH's side, of them being very small as children and then shooting up in the mid teen years to end up as taller than average height. I am above average height, too.

But DD (born on 25th percentile) didn't outgrow size 12-18m clothes until she was 3yo. Yes I worried, but she's just meant to be petite. Sometimes it's an issue with clothes she likes, because now she's 8yo and some of the styles for clothes she fits are more suited for a 5yo than a rising 9yo, iyswim.

A child's percentile at birth doesn't necessarily determine their future weight... really no point in stressing about this, your child will be the perfect weight for them....and in any case some esp bottle feed babies are being overfeed and that not healthy in the long run.

DD born on 50% percentile, dropped to below 25%, wore 12-18 clothes aged 2, and 2-3 when she was turning 4 etc (next clothes esp huge) but now aged 6 is wearing age 6... so I guess it can even out.... she looks the perfect weight, not skinny and not plump IYSYIM....

Thanks for these posts, I felt better today, poor dd has been really ill the last week and honestly I feel so grateful that she's just getting better from this vile bug she's had and I'm stopping stressing about this stuff.
But Cokefan I know how you feel, you just want to do your best for them don't you?!

I have small babies, and small children, my DS1 is 12 and wears 7-8 year clothes, DD2 is 8 and wears aged 6-7, Ds2 is 2.4 and wears 18-24 months, his coat is 12-18 months. I don't go on their ages anymore I just look to see if the clothes will fit. Only DD1 wears clothes for her age (9)

PUSHKA
SAYS
RELAX!

Centiles must meant that some LO's are low on them and some are high, most are between

being little is just a fact of genetics IMHO:

My eldest is a tiny dot! Eats like a horse. Youngest also eats like a horse and is a whopper DH is a great strapping 6ft 4in giant. C'est cie!!!

My DD2 was 8lbs at birth, 50th centile, then fell right off and has hovered around the 5th since about 6 months. Is 18mos now. I am trying to accept that she's just going to be skinny and small, DH and I are not giants and DD1 is def smaller than her peers.

I think the real problem is your B & SIL. They sound a bit of hard work--my DB is similar, he can always top your story and I dread the day he has a child. I will be bombarded with tales of how he does everything the RIGHT way and am sure his DC will be much more advanced than mine. DH & I just laugh at it, it really helps if you have someone you can exchange glances with when they start off. Seriously, don't they have anything better to do than talk about what a chunk their DC is?

Like letsblow, my DS started at 8lb and dropped away down the centiles. It's easy to get paranoid about it, specially if your family are being weird about it like yours sound.

But the important thing is that your child is healthy and happy, growing at their own rate, which might not be the same as anyone else's. If she is healthy - not a "poorly" sort of child, eats a range of foods, and seems to have plenty of energy and enthusiasm for life, then she's very unlikely to be "too small", whatever the graph says.

FWIW my DS stayed very slim right the way through childhood, and is now a slim tall healthy young man. It's just the shape that he is, perfectly normal and healthy for him.

As if all the posts weren't enough ....

I have faced exactly the same problem as yours! My little boy is 18 months old and weighs just about 10 kg! (Only yesterday I threw out clothes that read '9-12 months' .... A tad underweight as doc says but hey .. he is healthy! Doc isnt worried and neither am I

As about the people competing ... let them harp on ... having a lighter child has its benefits you know