Okay. Tell me about being a SAHM.

[CoffeeMum]

I have just given up my full time job and started being a SAHM to two DC - toddler and newborn. All you other SAHMs...please share your wisdom!

What do you do all day? Do you do structured activities outside the home - playgroups, classes etc? Do you try to provide structured activities at home - painting, cooking etc? If so, how much of this do you do? How much TV watching do you allow? Do you have lots of other SAHM friends? Do you ever get time off? What are the great bits? What are the bad bits? What mistakes have you made that you have learnt from? Any advice for me, really!

Oh, also - how much general housework do you manage to fit in? Do you take care of it all? Does your H or partner give you 'time off' during evenings and weekends, or help out? Do you manage any 'me time'?

Sorry to fire out questions, but this feels like a big life change, and one thing i think i might find is that being a SAHM is quite isolating, so i kind of want to compare notes really.

Thanks in advance

Two main things are

1. Make sure you get out to something every day whether it is a walk inthe park or toddlers or even the supermarket shopping.
2. Make sure you have lots of company. I meet a coupls of pals maybe twice a week for lunch with each other and the kids play together. Keeps us all sane.

I get an afternoon off once a week when my Mum takes ds out. I am pg with number 2 atm, but it has beena big help to be able to have a little time when ds is not around.

Housework - I do most of it, but dh and I are both quite houseproud so we both tidy as we go. He does the ironing though - I am allergic. Your main job is childcare though and when one of them is newborn don't expect to get much done! You'll probably have to just share it as best you can.

I don't tend to do a lot of crafty stuff tbh. We do a fair bit of baking and stuff as I enjoy it and ds is happy doing anything like that. Summer is easier as you can be outside. I tend to make it up as we go along really.

Good bits - it's better than working.
Bad bits - you can lose yourself a bit.

On the whole I enjoy it. For me, my job was awful ao I was happy to pack it in. It might be different if you enjoyed your job.

Good luck - I am sure you will enjoy it most of the time - a bit like work?!

DVDs are better than TV - if you take the trouble to choose the DVDs, you at least can be sure that your DCs never watch total rubbish and they don't get to see TV advertising.

Try to have a few regular outside activities, though perhaps not every single day.

Make sure you invite people round regularly - this is the greatest incentive to keeping on top of housework that I have ever found! And, despite the mad rush to get ready for visitors, it is really quite nice sitting around in your tidy home having dressed up a bit and make your DCs look lovely serving someone a nice cup of tea and a piece of homemade cake. Beats sitting around in pyjamas on your own any day .

Agree with nicky's main things. Though not the housework bit. I try but am not v good at it.

We do quite a lot of crafty stuff and baking but then I am quite arty. I don't really DO it with them much, think I should more. More provide glue and bits and sit with a cuppa (messy but less stressful!)

Sometimes the nicest days are when you don't try and do anything and just potter and muddle through and watch cbeebies together and then they play with pots while you wash up.

Bad bits are if you don't talk to any other adults. WE have just moved and this morning we went to the library for storytime and I had a chat with other mums - feel rejuvenated from just that hour!

Make a big list of all the free/not free activities - the council should have a list or try the library or (sorry) netmums.
TV - lots
mistakes- trying to do too much and missing the point which is to ENJOY looking after them.

With toddler and newborn, I'd really go with flow. if they sleep together FAB - TAKE THE BREAK. If not, see it as time to spend with them one-on-one (though realistically time with newborn will be spent doing stuff. but true). Mine are now 3.5 and 18mths and I now sometimes get time when she is at nursery but mostly it's more relentless than when he was a newborn

I do appreciate my one day a week working but mostly, I LOVE being a SAHM and wouldn't change it (we're ok on Sains basics!)

And agree with Anna too. Though no advertising on cbeebies !!

FOrgot to mention telly - yes, ds gets to watch some CBeebies. Too much in the winter tbh, but hardly at all in the summer. I stick it on while I empty the dishwasher/hang up washing/etc. Never watched it at all until he was 2 - now would watch it all day given the chance, but it drives me mental after a bit so it goes off.

A lot depends onhow much money you have and if the oldest is old enough for preschool?

Money means you can spend a lot of time in coffee shops

preschool means you have structure to your day and a couple of hours with youngest dc

Well, I'm a Childminder so that I can afford to be a stay at home mum and TBH it's not much different as I treat my mindees pretty much like my own and get on with things as I would if I didn't have them. I wouldn't do long jobs such as the ironing or hoovering whilst I'm working but the odd bit of housework such as loading the washing machine, hanging out the washing and doing the dishes, yes, I do and if you're smart you can find a way to include the children so that they are having fun, earning a new skill and getting the job done quicker too.

I make sure that I have a couple of good, close friends who also have children and get them to pop over to my house so that the kids can play together and we can have a good natter because my God, you can get lonely and miss adult company!

I also arrange with these friends, outings to the local swimming pool, soft play, lunch in a cafe, walks to nature parks to feed ducks, library, shop, mother and toddler groups etc and I try to get out for a morning walk and an afternoon walk.

I try to restrict telly to 2x15min slots in the day and try and go with the flow as much as possible. Get down on the floor and muck around, build towers and have fun knocking them down, play lions and hide under the table, make a den, pretend to imitate different animals, dance around to music, sing songs, collect musical instruments from charity/car boot sales and have fun creating a band, read stories, collect things, dress up, fill up a paddlng pool with warm water in an area in the house where it's ok to get it wet and surround with towels then have a 'pool party!', pop to your local 'Petsmart' to see all the different pets for free, visit local attractions and buy a season ticket, get involved with helping the community, attend village fairs.

Try and meet up with other adults at least 3 times a week.

Try and sync naptimes so that you can grab an hour to yourself.

Don't feel guilty if you havn't done much with the kids one day, a bit of boredom for them is great for their imagination and also teaches them self-sufficiency but make sure you arrange some fun for the next day.

My main advice would be to get out every day. You go a bit mad if you are just sitting in your house with no adult company.

Schedule a couple of organised activities (music class, toddler groups, whatever) if you can afford them as it gives some structure to your day and a chance to meet other mothers.

Will have to break off post as toddler is asking to do painting!!! Will post again later.

some toddler groups are free or very affordable (try your local churches). Most of my friends either work part time or stay at home like me, and we have a great time together. I have met more friends being a SAHM then ever before. We do lots of chating but avoid talking badly about other people, except about our own children! We have a lot of fun, we have a relatively set schedule now as one of my children is at pre-school in the mornings. We go out for lunch once a week, we go to the library once a week, we go to various playgroups, or meet up with friends. It's much harder in the winter, and in summer we have more time outdoors in the garden or in the park. I love being a SAHM and don't know what I'll do when I have to go back to work!

I have 2 dd's, DD1 (3.11) is at nursery now in the mornings and DD2 is 2.4.
I agree with getting company, bets way I found to do thsi was finding a nice playgroup and arrange to meet up with other mums at the park/cafe and then for lunch/tea/coffee. Keeps you sane to let them run around someone else's house
DD2 adn I go to playgroup twice a week and then we see people on the school run so we are out every day.
They watch telly after breakfast, luncha dn tea for a bit to give me a break while I clear up meals.
I set myself a challenge of finding all of the playgrounds in my city last year, was great fun as some of them are hidden away down alleys or off the ebaten track and they all have different stuff in. It means we have about 12 playgrounds we know of so we can pick and choose.
I also take them to lunch once a week in a cafe, sometimes just tesco/asda sometimes somewhere else, to get them used to being polite when out. It hasn't worked yet but I live in hope
Never understimate the excitemnt of a bus/train ride. You don't even need to go anywhere, just the journey is enough.
Best thing is being able to get up in the morning and say 'Ooh, it's sunny, lets go to the beach/on the train 'etc without rearranging things.

Remember to enjoy it. I have never liked routine much so beyond food and bedtimes we see what the day brings. Picnics, cosying up at home, bus, zoo, bubbles, painting, hanging out with people, reading loads of books. I joined a few groups because I thought I was supposed to do that sort of thing but mostly met people I found irritating so knocked that on the head. Used to take them to a weekly music thing and a weekly messy play thing and put up with the mothers. My littlest one is nearly 2 and we've moved to the country so she occasionally goes to the school playgroup but also just runs wild on beaches and around the place. She likes helping with washing and putting food away. We do drawing, messing, tidying, mucking about. Might take her to a music group but for her, not to meet other mums although ther might be a couple I'd get on with.

Think I went to groups where all the mums wanted to talk about being mums - which was kind of a given. Frankly I had no interest in comparing nappy brands etc and wanted to talk about other things - now finding more people like that now children are school age.

But meant to say - try things out and find your way of enjoying this wonderful wonderful time with your children. There are no rules. Hope it all goes well for you and your frustrations (there will be many!)/ are more than outweighed by your laughs, cuddles and moments that lift your heart.

I enjoy being a SAHM, however, have had some health problems lately that have meant I couldn't really stray much from home. So I've been going just a bit bonkers. Am feeling better now slowly, so am hoping to start getting out regularly each day. We've got simple outings planned for the next two days, and a brief walk to the market on Friday. I'm working on sorting schedules a bit as our 3yo and 6 month old have naps at different times, so I'm trying to get them more together so that I can have time to myself a bit while they're sleeping as well as having them both awake and functional (as in "not stroppy") to go on outings. I agree that housework has to take a little bit of a backseat sometimes.

It's work but enjoyable. There are bad days and good days like any other work.

Definitely go out every day. And create structure to your life that includes down time for you and your little ones.

You can feel a bit isolated. MN helps with that! Playdates too. Cultivate friends where you can so you can have lots of playdates.

Don't feel bad about using a spot of telly for the toddler to get some newspaper reading time or just close your eyes for a minute.

I tend to get my housework done when mine are in bed. Apart from cooking and general upkeep of kitchen for hygene - my dcs have to entertain themselves whilst I'm doing that.

I get cabin fever easily as do kids as well so I make sure I always have at least one activity out each day such as playgroup, friends house who has kids, shopping, park and I try to see other adults I know with kids as much as possible. That means the time I spend in the house can be more chilled with cbeebies, toys, playdough. I tend to keep paint and glitter to summertime in the garden but colouring in and stickers are cool anytime. I quite enjoy colouring in myself, its quite relaxing. TBH my days are full on, there never seems to be a second. I fit in housework when I can and I am not falling asleep on my feet.

The hardest things about this is fitting in important phone calls such as making appointments etc. And being disregarded as a valued member of society. Some people seem to think it is one long round of lunches and coffee shops. I find my bum doesn't touch a seat for longer than 2 miutes at a time. There is no such thing as a coffee or lunch break and I miss the commute where I could read or shut my eyes. There is no me time till bed time.

The best thing is being with my kids as their sweetest moments can occur at random moments and I am my own boss - lovely. I wouldn't change it for the world, I really wouldn't.

Thank you everyone for all your replies - really constructive, and so helpful to hear from those who have actually Been There. I am definitely going to save this thread to my desktop for future reference when i have had a bad day and am at my wits end with DC!!

Sorry for coming back so late to the thread - obviously, the one thing nobody needs to tell me is how sodding busy you are being a SAHM

Really great to hear from a variety of people as there is clearly no one 'correct' way to be a SAHM, so i think you have to pick and choose the tactics and ideas that will work for you. However, some things, like getting adult company, getting out of the house every day, and ensuring you get 'me time' seem pretty vital for anyone.

I have already made a start my booking DH in for one weekend afternoon once a month so that i can go shopping/get my hair done/drink cappucino and read magazines in a coffee shop

Thanks again everyone. I'm sure i'll be back to share my SAHM-ing woes...

DD is 22 months and I'm 23 weeks pregnant with no.2. I gave up work a few months ago as we moved house and there was no point me getting another job. I definitley second getting out every day - I find if we're not out of the house by 10am the day goes downhill from there! Get to know the local playgroups, especially ones where you can just turn up and pay on the day, rather than ones where you have to pay loads in advance, like tumble tots etc. We have activities we go to on 3 days a week, the other 2 days I either try to schedule playdates with other mums or do the shopping, or activities on our own.

Might sound silly but I find it helps to see the day as split into two halves - so we'll do something in the morning (playgroup/music group/park etc etc) then it's lunchtime and naptime, and then we do something in the afternoon, whether a structured activity or just painting or playing at home. Though I must admit, as my bump is getting bigger and I'm getting tired the afternoon 'activity' is sometimes watching ceebeebies while mummy lies on the sofa!

As for housework etc, when I gave up work I made it clear to DH that my job is looking after DD, not the house! I do end up doing most of the day to day cleaning like hoovering, dishes, clothes washing etc but that's about it. DH irons his own shirts and makes his own packed lunch! I do end up doing most of the cooking though.

I am in complete denial of what it will be like with 2 though!

i find it really easy to get along with anyone but still choose to be alone most of the time,i have 4 children so me time is just lovely when i get it. i do go out almost every day for an hour or 2 but have so many activities in evenings and weekends that silence is golden

SqueezyB - good point about the houswork. I'm increasingly finding that just because i'm at home with the DC, doesn't mean that i can get the housework done at the same time. In fact, the house is much more of a tip than it's ever been before. I can get the basics done - loading/unloading dishwasher, the odd load of laundry, but anything more involved is out of the question. Good luck with the bump and DC number two!

saggyjuju - wow, four children, that's impressive! I have no idea how i would manage - i can't imagine that you get much of that me time, i barely get any with only two children...

hi, I'm SAHMing and probably making a hash of it - ds is 2.9 and dd is 9m so I've had my hands full, as the old dears in the supermarket never tire of pointing out .

I do daily housework - laundry, mainly, some vacuuming, all the cooking, rare tidying (not much point with these two!). I struggle to get out. Lack money for organised groups, haven't found any free ones that aren't in nap time, and temps here regularly in low 30s so it's too blardy hot anyway. PiLs come 1x a week, playgroup 1x a week, I sometimes see my sister, I do lots of cooking (with ds) and lots of playing with the dc's. I usually say it's doing my head in but tbh they are slowly converting me...

Expect your house to be messier rather than tidier, even though you spend more hours in the house than you did before! Or maybe that's just me I only have one 21 month dd and I just can't find the time to do housework at all! She's clamouring to get out of the house as soon as breakfast is over (and I love being out with her) and during her nap I mn, drink tea and sometimes virtuously do my pregnancy yoga dvd rather than doing housework during her nap.

Love this thread - very cheering and inspiring.

I am at home with DCS aged 2 and 4 and have been since the youngest was born. My eldest is in nursery every afternoon whilst the youngest naps which is the time I use to get houseowrk done - or not.I tend to go with the flow. Today we have been in all day and done some cooking, pretend hairdressers, colouring in and me pretending to be a horse. The best bit of advice is to try and get out each day. Due to the nursery times we tend to go out in the morning and pick whatever suits us that day. Sometimes the bus into town for coffee (they love this), playgroup, park, farm, field to see horses, splashing in puddles, collecting leaves, etc. I try and go to at least one of the same playgroups every week for continuity. TBH I dont have that many friends {blush]. I struggle to hold a conversation with 2 children about. I meet one friend every week and my neighbour maybe once a week which is about right for me. I also have lots of acquantancies which helps too. Overall I love it and wouldnt have it any other way even though money is a bit tight. I have become an expert in freezing left overs.

The best bits are just being there to see it all as it flies by. The worst bits are probably days like today when all 3 of us are ill and there is no taking a sick day for me!

Re: TV. They have the TV after breakfast, lunch and dinner whilst I tiday up. It probably totals 1.5 hours a day. Today its been on all day which I do feel slightly bad about but needs must.

Another tip. Get your shopping delivered. I find supermarket shopping hell with my two.

It's fine but gets boring after a while. Don't burn your bridges, do OU or something. Keep your CV up.

That's it really from me. Sorry if not helpful.

If you can stretch to a cleaner then do it, it is very difficult to get housework done. DH took some persuading but it was the main cause of our arguments. Once I became a SAHM he went from doing very little in the house to zero