DS (5) very strongly prefers DH to me and it's getting worse...

[ilovethebeach]

Given the choice, DS would always choose to do something with DH rather than me. I don't kind this so much and generally accept it as he sees DH slightly less, though DH is around a lot.

But just recently this has started to upset me. Today has been hard- we chose a Lego kit earlier in town and he said 'I'll do this with Daddy as he's much gooder at Lego than you Mummy'. Then at tea time tonight after a nice day altogether he said 'I wish you were older than Daddy, Mummy (he knows I'm 2 years younger). Then you will die before Daddy '. I was very shocked by this even though it's partly to do with the fact he's trying to reason out dying atm and thinks the oldest person will automatically die first. I'm obviously not being a nice enough Mummy and spending enough quality time with him. But is it just me who thinks this is quite a shocking comment that he made? Or am I being over sensitive. I showed him that I felt very upset by it but didn't get cross. Should I have just ignored it?

well this is a normal developmental stage, children reject their mothers because this is who they fell the closest attachment to. they go through a period of evaluating who they are and that they are different from people and don't like some people. they try this out on mums because its there safest reklationship.

so you have to just keep saying well i like you etc.

when your ds is a teen he will have to develop his own identity and set hinself apart from any similarities he has with his father so he will reject dh then.

its all normal, though very heart breaking for you. it will pass . hth

Try not to take it to heart, I have two boys, 4 and 6, and they are both total daddy's boys and prefer him.

Like Kalo says I think it is a normal stage of development, I also think that if they see less of one parent they can be favoured as time with them is a novelty if that makes sense?

Try and just appreciate their close relationship, it's really important for dads and sons and it's better than him missing out on it.

I have 2 DS's aged 6 and 3 - they BOTH favour DH over me - mainly because I am the "boring task-master" and Dh is the fun one! I love that they are close to him but understand you being hurt by that comment....so long as you are getting lots of love and hugs when DH isn't around, then I really wouldn't worry, enjoy it for what it is!

Thank you, you've both reassured me a little. I remember very clearly telling my Mum I hated her as a teenager but I didn't expect this degree of nastiness at 5. I will try and ignore as much as poss. DH and DS do have a great relationship but DS is really trying to be quite divisive atm. He tells DD that she likes Mummy best so she has to sit next to me in the coffee shop etc. This I find quite funny but I got DH to speak to him about the dying comment earlier and he wrote me a little I Love you Mummy note. God knows if we did right there, it doesn't get easier this parenting lark!