WWYD - don't want this woman coming to my son's party

[Peanuts33]

When my son was about 10 months old I went back to work and left him in the care of a registered childminder. To cut a very very long story short it all ended acrimoniously as she wasn't looking after my son properly. I have since found out that parent's of other children that she looked after had the same problem.

Anyway, guess what? Fast forward a few years and childminder's son turns up in the same class as my son. So far this hasn't really been that much of a problem apart from her trying to intimidate me in the playground.

The problem now is that I am organising a party for my son and am inviting all the kids in his class. Thankfully this little boy and my son have not become good friends but my son really wants him to come to his party.

I really don't want to punish this little boy for the crimes of his mother as I know he would be really upset if I invite everyone in the whole class except him.

I was wondering if I should write on the back of the invite that I am happy for this little boy to come to the party as long as the mother doesn't stay (she usually does stay at all the parties and as an aside there are some issues with money and bags going missing at the class parties and some people strongly suspect that she is the culprit).

Sorry this is very long but just wondered wwyd.

my god she sounds like a nightmare

where is the party being held?

i'd perhaps suggest a drop and run policy to all/most of the parents and say so quite strongly on the invitation

How old is your son?

Agree with Mazzy - just make it a "No Parents" for everyone and just arrange a few designated helpers (if needed) beforehand.

What a horrid situation.

Personally, I'd avoid an all-class party and have a much smaller affair, avoiding the need to invite both the boy and mother. I think your proposal to write a note to the mother is a terrible idea and likely to lead to confrontation. I'd take the cowards's way, myself!

you can't really write a note to say don't come.
you do know that don't you?

I would have a much smaller party

Or just invite everyone and see what happens - put valuables/party bags in a safe place and keep your beady eyes peeled for wrong doing!

But I wouldnt say anything twill only cause drama!

sounds like a nightmare. but why do you have to invite all the kids in the class? make life easy for yourself, tell your son he can only have as many guests as he is old (or some such). you're the parent
but if you have a grievance against her don't broadcast it, you'll have her son in your class for quite a while I imagine

Sorry, should have said. My son will be 6 and the party is being held at a soft play area.

The thing is most of the other mothers in the class know what she is like as she has an older child in the school and has caused some problems in the past before my son even started at the school.

I think I'm coming round to the idea of not inviting the whole class. My son will be fine with this. It was me who thought I should invite everyone originally so I think that is my problem solved.

Thanks for your replies everyone.