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Original poster

Illegal drugs. How much would you admit to to your children?

35 replies

OrmRenewed · 21/01/2010 12:49

Police spokesman yesterdays suggested that the best way to defend your DC from drug use was to talk to them about it. Now I agree that that is a good idea - we do that with our DC about almost everything. But...in the past Dh and I have both used dope and still do very very occasionally although most of the stuff now is just too strong IMO. DH has tried other things too. It was just what you did when we were younger.

So how much honesty is healthy? I don't like to lie but how can I say 'don't touch' when I did. And as far as I know I'm not suffering the ill effects now so I can't use my health as an object lesson.

How are you going to treat the subject.

OP posts:
Iklboo · 21/01/2010 12:51

I can look DS in the eye and honestly tell him I have never taken illegal drugs.
DH can help answer any questions he may have about drugs

Hassled · 21/01/2010 12:54

Tell them the truth when they're old enough (14? 15?) not to repeat it to their teachers .

I've told my older DCs that I smoked dope in my distant youth and took speed a few times - not in a down wiv da youth way (I hope), but just because they asked. If they hadn't directly asked, I wouldn't have volunteered the information. They didn't seem particularly interested or bothered.

thelunar66 · 21/01/2010 12:57

ahaha DD (age22) dropped into conversation at xmas that her mates came round and they all got a bit stoned. She then blushed to her roots and said.. oops, I shouldnt have said that in front of parents!

Me and DH glanced at each other and tried not to laugh out loud.

DH was off his head the very first time I met him!

LadyBiscuit · 21/01/2010 12:57

I suspect your perspective is going to have a lot more credibility than that of a parent who has never smoked. You can explain how it is different today than it was when you were young. I really don't think the 'drugs are bad mmmkay approach works' - if they know they can talk to you about it, then they're much less likely to go off the rails I think.

My sister used that approach with her DD (mine are still babes) and her DD has smoked the odd joint but is not really interested.

PrivetDancer · 21/01/2010 13:00

I think I'll go with the same tactic, I wouldn't lie about it, but I probably wouldn't volunteer the info. Actually I probably would lie about it until dd is at least a teenager. Mind you I was only 14.
Never did me any harm either!

PrivetDancer · 21/01/2010 13:05

I'd try to give practical advice to, eg make sure someone else tries it first, only with people you trust etc, and obviously warn off the really hard stuff completely.

Original poster
OrmRenewed · 21/01/2010 13:42

Thankyou

Those are my initial thoughts privet - don't volunteer the info unless asked.

ladyb - I have some good friends who still use dope regularly (well most of them do TBH) but in one case they have always been very open with their DC. Now that their children are in their teens and early 20s it seems to have paid off in that the older ones have dabbled but nothing serious. Another family have always used it but are much more rigid in their relationships with their DC - as far as their kids are concerned their parents have never touch the stuff. I do find the latter quite hard to fathom but as far as we know the children have never been interested.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 21/01/2010 13:45

I was very honest, answered all their questions truthfully - it's quite an important part of growing up isn't it, deciding whether or not to try certain things

cannot imagine why a parent would pretend not to have taken something if they had

Original poster
OrmRenewed · 21/01/2010 13:49

Well because for one thing it's against the law mitchy. A fact which as an adult I decided to ignore. But if you tell children it's OK to ignore the law in one way, how can you tell them to keep it in another way.

You might well argue that in this area the law is a politically-motivated, reactionary ass, but I couldn't possibly comment

And being economical with the truth isn't pretending as such.

OP posts:
rasputin · 21/01/2010 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitchyInge · 21/01/2010 13:56

but few adults can truthfully say they have never ever broken a law, surely?

maybe am just a heart on sleeve kind of parent, or maybe it depends whether you want to serve as horrible warning, good example or some mixture of the two extremes

Original poster
OrmRenewed · 21/01/2010 13:59

Of course not. But taking drugs is one thing that is so clearly flagged up as being 'bad' that it isn't in the same league as speeding for example.

However I suspect we will be open about it if asked. Same as with sex.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 21/01/2010 14:01

but why would a parent want to pretend they had never been/done/taken intranasally anything bad?

Original poster
OrmRenewed · 21/01/2010 14:06

"intranasally "

Can you translate please mitchy?

I don't know. I guess it's about leading by example. When your children are adults you can assume a level of sophistication that will allow them to understand the shades of grey involved in breaking the rules sometimes - when you judge it's acceptable - and not at others - when you judge it isn't. My eldest is 13 - he's bright and sensitive but I don't know whether he is capable of grasping that yet.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 21/01/2010 14:12

y'know, snorting coke off the photocopier at office party and that sort of thing - not that have had THAT conversation with the children YET

ShowOfHands · 21/01/2010 14:13

I've never knowingly broken a law...

I might invent some wild stories from my youth because quite frankly, I've never even tried a normal, legal cigarette, never tasted alcohol and clubbing? Well I went once. It was very loud. I can recommend books and nice walks in the countryside though.

DD stands not a chance.

OmicronPersei8 · 21/01/2010 14:13

My parents were always very open about any drugs they'd take (and about sex too, actually). As a teenager I smoked a joint occasionally (just to fit in really), but haven't done anything since then. I was actually quite Saffy-like. My DB did quite a bit more than me, but he too as an adult is not really interested. I have vivid memories of my dad and some family friends telling me about terrible experiences with drugs too - I felt I never wanted to try anything that could do that to you.

I actually worry sometimes that my DC will rebel against their straight parents by taking lots of drugs, smoking, sleeping around, drinking excessively. Hopefully not (I'll wheel out their grandparents if necessary!)

ShowOfHands · 21/01/2010 14:16

I tell a lie, theft by finding. I found a quid in the street last week and I kept it. Actually, I spent it. On two gingerbread men. Illegal.

ShowOfHands · 21/01/2010 14:18

Omicron, I'm wheeling out MIL and FIL, preferably late on on Christmas Day when the effects of too much port are visible through FIL's dancing and MIL's tongue is loose from the red wine and she can talk about her wild youth.

Otherwise, I'm quite good friends with largeginandtonic and her dh, they can educate dd in the finer points of having a good time.

hatwoman · 21/01/2010 14:19

informed honesty will be my approach. as and when required. I'll tell them what i took, why I took it, whether I think, with hindsight, it was the correct decision, what the risks were, the downsides, and the upside too. I'll update myself with info abt anything new fangled. and the law. and also relevant info about age (my dabbling years were mainky in my 20s - and tere are siugnifcan reasons why this iis different from dabbling in your teens) i'll tell them the stories of poeople I know who did too much.

LadyBiscuit · 21/01/2010 14:19

I wouldn't mention it unless your DS does then. My mum gave me a book where she quoted a statistic which was something like '99% of heroin users have smoked cannabis' and I just pointed out that it didn't tell you how many people who smoked cannabis ended up using heroin which rather took the wind out of her sails. And it certainly didn't stop me experimenting in my yoof.

OmicronPersei8 · 21/01/2010 14:34

SOH - my parents are getting more and more respectable. I'll need to find my own MNer to come and educate my kids....

pippylongstockings · 21/01/2010 15:02

I think honesty is the best policy - but in moderation, if that makes sense ?

My DH and I have done pretty much everything in our youth, and basically kind of grew out of it. I really can barely get drunk these days as I can't deal with the hangover. I believe that being honest with my children will mean that they can make a more informed choice/decisions about things but also I appreciate that alot of their decisions will be based on outside forces/peers etc.

I think to deny everything is not helpful to your child, but as my kids are 3 and 5 maybe my view wil change in the next 10 years.

Squitten · 21/01/2010 17:51

I think we'll probably be honest. DH smoked weed and dabbled with coke and we have both taken pills on a handful of occasions. Obviously, this was all very pre-kids. I would hope that by telling our DC what we did, they'll feel that we do actually know what we are talking about and that it will make drugs look so totally uncool that they won't want to take any!

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 21/01/2010 18:21

Can I just say what a dangerous 'argument' it is for some of you to say 'well it never did me any harm' it is justifying something that has potentially serious consequences for your menatl health and that of your children. Just because it didn't do you any harm it doesn't mean to say it is safe for your children. I am speaking from experience after developing a psychosis after smoking a joint for only the 2nd time as a teenager. It was a truly terrifiyng experience and put me off trying anything else for life.

It took me years to get over what had happened and it scarred me deeply so a word of warning to all you parents out there- Do not shrug off the potentially dangerous side effects of taking any drugs with the 'it never did me any harm' attitude.