How to bring up a confident child? Don't want her to end up like me!!

[EverythingsPink]

REally worried about DD's shyness. she is 2 so I know it might sound like I'm being a bit hasty but I'm really afraid she'll end up like me and her Dad! We are both naturally shy and while I make an effort to be outgoing and chat to people I do find it really hard. At play group my DD was too shy to go and get an instrument from the box (they play bells / drums etc. while we have a sing along bit) because she was too shy to go up to the box, everything got taken before I finally persuded her to go up and then she was upset.

How do i get her to be more confident - or will I make things worse and should i just leave her, in which case I'm afraid she'll always be over looked (like i often am)

She goes to nursery and to playgroups every week so it isn't like she's not used to other kids or the surroundings. Any tips of increasing her confidence?

Thanks

I would just constantly tell her how much you love herand why. Tell her every honest thing you can about why she is great.

I tell DD all the time about how I love how kind she is, how thoughtful, how well she has done something, how nice of her to buy her brother some sweets, what a help she was to me in the kitchen, how well she did her gym etc etc

I don't mean tell her stuff that plainly isn't true, nor just endlessly I love you because a) of course you do and b0 there is nothing for her to see and recognise in herself as being admirable in that.

Don't be encouraged to make stuff up - even small children know but she will have loads of things every day that you can admire and praise. And confidence is all about seeing the good things in your self and trustingthat.

Please don't push and chivvy her, nor try to talk to her about being shy and silly - it will just make it worse.

Ds1 was very shy because I was worried he would be. DD - after a bit of experince - wants to be on the stage

I think the hardest thing in the world is when your children show evidence that they are like you, in ways that you don't like.

I have to say I have a knell of disappointment every time I see ds looking like me - I don't like my face. But he's gorgeous!

In the same way, lots of people in your music group will be blushing every time their child pushes their way to the front and grabs an instrument off another child - and will remember all the times they have been too over the top, too forward etc.

Attention and love from you and her family, especially at 2, are the best things any child could have, whether she is shy or extrovert. Those groups and things are entirely for your benefit, so if the shyness your daughter shows bothers you, don't feel bad about not going any more.

I think it's good that you're aware of your child's nature, and because it's like you, you are more likely to be able to help her in situations you both find difficult. I think a sensitive child born to a thick-skinned family is much worse off.

Sorry this is not much specific help. 2 is a particularly careful age if it's any help - she is likely to get a lot bouncier at 4 or so!

Sounds like reall ygood advice. Also you say you are shy but manage to get through it. If she is a shy little girl then she will have a great teacher in how to overcome it. Shyness is very endearing. My dh is shy.

i cannot put it better than choosyfloosy, what a lovely post and i totally agree

there are one or two very positive aspects to being less extroverted. the friends a shy DD makes will tend to be the type of enduring deep friendships that are borne out of someone seeing something wonderful in her and making the effort to get to know her better. I was shy in childhood and this was my experience. much better to have a handful of true friends than to be miss popular with hundreds of mates but no one who really gets you or actually cares about you

you are never too old to address your own shyness. I had a course of CBT in my 20's and was 'cured', if you can believe it - it really changed my life - perhaps something you might consider?

My dd was shy at 2 and I thought then she would have the same lonely experience of school as I did (only became socially confident in my 20s).

But she was not me. By 4 she was far more confident; by 8 she was positively extrovert.

Thanks for your replies. I am probably so afraid of her being shy that I am perhaps over anxious about things that other people wouldn't worry about. Its not, not making friends that worries me, but not being assertive and going for what she wants. Confident people don't get walked on, shy people do.

Suppose there is plenty of time to address this if it becomes a problem though and will continue to tell her how much we love her.

Thanks all x

What pagwatch said - praise her a lot, but make it 1.specific and 2.true. You will help boost her self esteem which I think is THE most important thing.