Please reassure about having another baby.

[LilRedWG]

DH and I have decided to try for a second DC,but I'll be honest he is more up for it than me.

He acknowledges my concerns but tells me they are normal and everyone has them. He's usually a sensible chap so can you tell me if he is right again please.

My concerns are:

• My DD is perfect. No other baby will measure up to her. Yep, PFB all the way.

• She's slept brilliantly from day one. How the hell will I cope if I don't get sleep? I'm not good without sleep.

• Will I like another baby as much as DD?

• Can I possibly love another child as much as DD?

• What if I end up in a wheelchair again? (Very bad SPD last time) How will DD cope? Is it too much for her to understand that I can't run around and play with her if this happens?

• I don't want hideous morning sickness again.

• Will DD feel pushed out?

• How will I cope if I have another miscarriage? I've lost my Mum and Dad in the past year and can't lose anyone else.

• How can I do this without Mum and Dad.

• I'm getting on a bit (am 36) so really don't want to leave it much longer, so am pressuring myself.

Thank you if you've got this far. I know that I'm being stupid but really could use some slapsreassurance.

Sorry - DD is 3.8.

i am 38 trying for a second, ds is pfb, worst sleeper in world, and i had pnd, and i'm not scared, so i will hold your hand

Thank you Kalo. I do need it at the moment, although coil is removed so decision made, just need reassurance.

Ooo - yes. Am still on meds for depression, following PND and parents' death, so there's another for my list.

check if meds are safe if ttc. and do your own research, those docs tell you all meds are safe.

its scary isn't it?

me and ds co sleep and dh sleeps in another room, so this ttc is a real bloody hassle

I trust my GP totally and utterly. She said that no ADs are desirable but the ones I'm on are the ones she would recommend if I need them, which I do. She said it is definitely a case of the benefit outweighing the risk.

Thanks Rasputin. That's the sort of thing I need.

I know I'm being rather pathetic and needy and I have no excuse.

Just wante to say that I worried about whether I could love DS2 as much as DS1 when I first became PG. everyone thought I was barmy to feel that...but I am not,I am just a normal person. I was getting on a bit more than you - I was 38 with DS1 and 40 with DS2. In fact, I think thathad it not been for the old biological clock ticking and the fact I think I "owed" DS1 the chance of a sibling, I may well have just stuck at one.

But I can say without any reservstion having them close was just brilliant. had I been ten years younger id have FOUR!!

Sure, it is hard work at times- (is there a mother on this site who would say otherwise?!) - especially until the second is up and walking,..but now I find it difficult to understand why I felt worried like that -

totally agree with rasputin. One is wonderous but two, interacting together is quite, quite amazing. Magic! Good luck

Thanks both. Logically I know everything will be wonderful, but I still worry.

'logically everything will be wonderful'?? LOL

not sure about wonderful, but it will all be ok! when dd was born I was v worried about impact on ds - felt like we lost our quality time together and he was still so little.....

but after a while it does all calm down (and the hormones stop raging!) and you work it out.

i have loved dd as much as ds from day 1 -that was never an issue.

on the sleep front, it's a chance you take - we had our bad sleeper to start with so dd was a real angel for us - and a welcome relief!

you will cope - make sure you ahve a good support network if you've recently lost your parents? join a post natal group and go along to lots of baby groups.

above all, feel confident in your decision - if you are happy as you are there is no reason to have another (and age shouldn't force you hrand on this?) - but having a second child was the best thing i have ever done - has given us some balance and ds a great friend!

You will love another child, jsut as much as your pfb. It's magic. Adn the best thing in teh world is seeing your pfb loving the baby too - if you could bottle that feeling you could sell it for a fortune!

The morning sickness passes, as do most things in life. The SPD a bit harder, but also passes. Your greif - well, ime there is nothing like new life to help you deal with things moving on (I am not belittling yous loss btw, it's just my own observations).

I am onto my 4th - due next month. The 3 I have are all wonderful and really different. And I don't regret it for a minute.

Good luck deciding what you want to do. Don't be too pressurised though. You still have time...!

I told you I was in need of a slap Gladders. DD desperately wants a sibling so the decision is made - she will have one, one way or another. I think I'm just overthinking things as usual.

We can and will work through any problems (for instance if SPD comes back).

I think the main issue is the one you have all reassured me on - if I can love another child as much as DD. I just can't imagine feeling like this all over again, but you have all reassured me on the front.

Now tell me the harder bits, so I can prepare myself....

Thanks PotPourri.

Hi, i completely understand, i have 2 children 6 and 3 and it really is the best thing they play so well together and my nephew is so far an only child aged 4 and always sais he wants a brother or sister like everyone else.

I lost my dad not long ago and he really was the best granddad and only still young and i would love another child but the thought of having a child that will never see there granddad really upsets me alot.

I hope that what ever you decide to do you will be happy .

x

Thank you xkatyx. I'm so sorry that you have lost your Dad.

You will be amazed at how the love for your next child will come from nowhere - your love for your first child doesn't get divided with the next one - it just grows! But I think it's perfectly normal to worry like this. I know I did.

I've got 3DC under 5 and I had SPD in each of my pregnancies. I won't lie and say it was easy and it was the main factor which made us think long and hard before TTC with DS3. I had moments where I was pregnant and thought I'd been really unfair on the first two when I couldn't run around or take them anywhere. However, it really was all worth it. Our youngest is now 8 months and I (secretly) call him the bonus ball! He's an absolute joy who idolises his brothers and I know there's so much fun ahead for them all.

Although it certainly doesn't feel like it at the time, the pregnancy is a really small part of having another child.

You asked for the harder bits and I have to say the extra washing another baby creates is truly shocking!

LOL at the washing - we already have far too much.

Thank you though and I must say I have so much respect for you ladies with three under five - I don't know how you do it!

Am starting to get more and more excited at the prospect. Thank you all so much.

I haven't read whole thread but wanted to add I had similar feelings when heavily pregnant with dd2. DD1 was 20 months old and I had a complete crisis about what we had dome! A good friend with a ds told me I was doing the best thing for dd1 and that it would all be OK. She comes from a large family and dearly wanted to give her ds a sibling, it never happened. Now dd 1 and 2 are 5 and 3 and are very close (even when they fight!)They also adore ds, now 11 months!

HTH