Advice please, DS(3) driving me mad...

[MumNWLondon]

Hi, not sure whether I am looking for support of advice but DS(3.5) is driving me mad. I guess being 27 weeks pregnant doesn't help.

He is just so stubborn and always has to get his own way, although I really try not to let him and I do try to be strict.

Tonight I asked him and DD what they want for dinner, she says pasta and cheese, he said nothing (normal) so I made pasta and cheese, usually they both like it... anyway he refused to eat it, and when I asked what he wanted he just said "I'm not telling you" so I told him he had to eat the pasta which he wouldn't. Tried ignoring him but he then started saying he was hungry.... he wanted me to engage in guessing game so I guessed correctly he wanted egg and chips (his favourite) - but said he couldn't have the chips but I would make egg to go with the pasta.... more tears, eventually he agreed ok just egg but he wanted 4, and he would agree to less, and they all had to be cooked at the same time. Eventually managed to get him to agree to 4 cooked one at a time and of course he only ate 2. Anyway totally drained at the end took over an hour (missed out a lot).

Anyway this sort of behaviour sadly is normal for him and is driving me up the wall. He hadn't eaten any lunch and I let it go (ie didn't force, just chucked it out) but didn't give him any snacks etc all afternoon so didn't really want him to go to bed without dinner.

Will he just grow out of it, hard as DD (6) is very well behaved even when she was younger.

eh???????????

YOU are the adult
YOU decide what is for dinner, they decide whether to eat or not

NO alternative is EVER offered

END OF

well i'd say no, he won't grow out of it if you let him do it!

why on earth is your 3.5 dictating to you like this?

don't get me wrong, i am all for giving them choice, asking what they want, and letting them have their choice- within reason!!

he said nothing, so you made dinner. that's that.
i would never have got involved in guessing games. if you'd served something you know he likes then that's what he gets.
i can't believe you agreed to cook him 4 eggs!

re: the eggs, I agreed to cook him each egg when he finished the earlier one... so he finished 2 but said after than he was full. I didn't cook the last 2. I knew he couldn't eat 4 so I wouldn't have to cook more than 2. And I didn't do the chips, he had eggs with toast.

re: me deciding, yes thats what happened at lunch, I said there was chicken he chose not to eat. But is it ok to put 3 year old to bed with no food for a whole day? He's already very thin (almost off bottom of scale for weight).

I had to leave him having a tantrum at nursery on Friday, I said I was taking him in before DD in year 1 and he said he wanted to go in after I'd taken DD to year 1 and I wouldn't back down.

I let him cry himself to sleep for ages tonight as he wanted 3 stories and I said only one.

oook, well if your husband got in from work and said he didn't want his dinner, but that he wanted 17 eggs, then made you cook him one at a time...

you wouldn't do it!
really, he has you wrapped round his finger and he knows it

So what you are saying is i should have put him to bed without any dinner? as I have said I know he is testing me and I generally ignore the tantrum and let him know I am in charge. Just a bit more sensitive to him not eating.

i'd have just told him if he was hungry he could eat the dinner i'd made.

He's probably sussed out that eating / not eating is a worry for you, so it becomes an easy battle for him to pick, right? (They are clever like that, aren't they.)

Maybe you could tell him that he's going to be hungry if he won't eat, but leave a slice of bread next to his bed, telling him that he can have that if he gets hungry at night.

But also ask yourself why he's doing all this to get your attention. Because that's what it boils down to. THe new arrival might just scare the hell out of him. COuld you let him be a bit of a baby at other times? Extra cuddles?

Also think about how you're dealing with tantrums. Make sure he learns that you're firm on the issues, but that you are there for him, by holding him and reassuring him, rather than letting him get on with his rage all by himself.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

Crikey, what a nightmare. I agree with almost everyone else: eat it or don't eat it. I do not ever make any alternatives for my lot. My oldest is diabetic and thank God she eats well because I know a woman with a boy that does the same as yours who is diabetic and completely manipulates her. Sometimes he even refuses to eat sweets - just to f**k with her head!!! She dances around this little Emperor, trying to find something he will eat (which changes daily) and he is in complete control. She is in bits constantly about this and absolutely terrified but the bad eating habits were installed long before the illness struck so she may be stuck with it forever. She wont even have another baby that she desperately wants because of this child and the stress around this issue.

Not eating has probably the most powerful effect on Mummies and little ones know it. Really you have to make a decision and hold your course with this because backing down clearly has not helped. Yes he ate, but look at the song and dance caused for the whole family to make that happen. A couple of days hungry and I think he will change his tune. Do him a favour and stand your ground. Make supper, sit him down, make him wait until everyone else has finished and then get him down whether he has eaten or not. I would only encourage him gently once or twice and then just ignore it. Do not enter into a discourse with him about it because this is just another way of gaining negative attention. Four eggs indeed... and negotiating the order in which they were served... wtf?