child keeps talking about what being 'dead' means

[toni26]

I would really like some advice please.
My son has recently heard an adult talking about someone dying,he now constantly asks me about what it means to die, when he/we will die, where we will go, how old will we be when we die. I really don't know what to say, as he wants very detailed answers. I have tried the 'everyone goes to heaven', but its not enough of an answer for him. He asked me at the bus stop today 'is god real mummy?', and 'how do we get up to heaven?', and why do we have to die. I am worried if I don't start giving him the right answers this could get out of hand.

But there aren't any right answers, other than that you don't know. You can explain to him that different people believe different things, but that this is something noone can know for sure.

thanks. Have just read the whole thread, I will explain tomorrow about the different beliefs people have.

my ds (4) is going through this and unfortunately, I'm not sure how to deal with it either. he is very anxious about dying or me/dh dying. we have had to resort to saying it is not going to happen to us I know this is not the right way to deal with it but he was becoming so anxious about it that it was the last thing he was thinking of at night and the first question in the morning! The questioning/anxiety has stopped for the time being but obviously we will approach the idea with him later in the year - was thinking of linking it in with the 'cycle of life' ie the daffodils are out in march, then they die etc etc ....

My little one was very confused by the fact that after we said that grandad is dead and 'lives in heaven' we then said that we were going to visit grandad at the cemetery. Very confusing. Luckily he did not insist too much on an explanation.

This book might not directly help your little one, but I really like it:
www.randomhouse.co.uk/catalog/book.htm?command=Search&db=main.txt&eqisbndata=1842703331

I don't think you have to give him loads of detail - and having not been dead yourself you can't give him lots of info anyway so that's a good enough reason to explain to him that you don't find out until you die what really happens!
I think if you try to give him too much detail it might just confuse him even more so giving more straightforward answers is probably more advisable tbh.
If you have a belief that heaven is next then tell him about that and tell him what you believe. If you don't believe and don't want him to believe anything then tell him that and you can also tell him that some people do believe but I wouldn't get too involved in detail or explanation as even grown adults spend time wondering about this subject!
If you believe in God and heaven then explaining that when you die your body stays on earth but your spirit (mind, if that's an easier word for ds to grasp) goes up to heaven is quite easy for a child to take as an answer.
If he's 4/5 it's a really common subject for a child to bring up and I have had it with both ds1 and 2 and they also wanted loads of detail but then the obsession with it waned and it hasn't come up again really.

My dd who is 4 has gone thro this - as others have said, who knows what happens? All you can do is give a diluted, child friendly version of what you think it might be like - all I have said is that yes we will die, but not for a long, long time (whilst touching wood, crossing fingers etc!). When we die we will go and live on a cloud with Jesus (the Jesus bit is obviously optional, depening on religious bsliefs), it will be fun and all our nannies, grampies, mummies, daddies and doggies will be there waiting for us and we'll have cake and a big party! Why let it be so serious and sad? Don't evade the issue, make it sound fun - who knows it won't be? - and lighten up about it. Realisation of what it's all about will come with maturity after all!

thanks everyone, you have helped me realise that this is all totally normal stuff and that I CAN handle it. I did get the 'how does god float on a cloud' questions today which made me laugh a lot.