What do you do with toddler if giving birth to no2?

[Em32]

I've got a 16 1/2month old and am 32 weeks pregnant. We're moving house in a months time (not ideal but the only option). My father in law and his wife live nearby (ish) but are going on holiday for two weeks when I'm 38 weeks pregnant. So my question is what to do if I give birth before 40 weeks? My mum seems to think it is ok to take an 18 1/2 month old into hospital with us while I'm in labour (think she has a short memory of what that age is like) My husband won't consider a home birth as he is a doctor and terrified of the responsibility should anything go wrong. This is despite the fact that I had a 7 1/2 hour labour with no intervention whatsoever first time around. Any suggestions - I am feeling really stressed out as will be in a new place and won't know anyone. Thanks

Well i am a nanny (looking for work)and can tell you that if you thought about getting a temporary nanny for 6 weeks you would probably get a lot of interest. The nanny could come and live-in for 4 weeks before the due date - a few advantages - (1)get to know the other child before being alone - so doesnt disrupt childs life anymore than it has to. (2)Give mom a rest before her due date. (3)Be in the house for any early appearances by the baby and (4) stay for 2+ weeks to help out all of the family, particulary ensuring that the elder child does not feel forgotten.......

eeeeeeeerrrrmmmmmmmmm - I think i might have hit on something here!!!!! - Maybe my next career move!

Childminder idea is good. I am a cm, and have on many occasions been on standby for subsequent labours! I am fortunate (in a way!) that my family is grown up now, and I can therefore leave the house in the middle of the night to babysit if necessary. Last time I had my 'emergency bag' ready, with sleeping bag, toothbrush, etc. When the call came, at 1am, I was there in 10 minutes. Parents went off to hospital, I snuggled down on sofa, 1 and 2 year olds didn't even wake up til morning when I fed the, dressed them, and took them home with me before other mindees arrived! No problem - us childminders can be very flexible! You would obviously have to know the cm well first though, as would your child. Maybe they could mind your ds once a week or so to give you some rest time beforehand and some babytime afterwards? Being at home with a new baby can be pretty boring for a toddler! Just an idea.

I have not read all this thread so ignore me if I repeat anything. Could a relative not come and stay while your dad is away? Have you got any friends you could line up? I had a long list. Mum was coming with me and DH so I had friends, sisters, and BIL all lined up for DS1 and 2depending on time and day school or no school

Em32. I think you're friends could surprise you. I bet they would be willing to help. Just bite the bullet and ask. people love rallying round in a 'crisis'. Its often a way of 'growing' a friendship.

Otherwise. Try to make an arrangement with a childminder or nanny agency.

Good luck though.

I think I'll be having number 2 alone, which is a daunting prospect as it'll probably be another c section, and I really appreciated having dh around last time to help me sit up, tiptoe timidly to the loo etc! But he'll have to stay with ds this time. Our family are all at least 3 hours away, and work anyway, or the ones that dont are people ds hardly knows anyway.He's never been left with a sitter, and there's only one or two close friends that I'd trust to have him, to which I've dropped hints to no avail! Plus it'd be a big ask, as they've got kids too. i was thinking about a doula to come with me, but we cant afford it, and I'm not sure how I'd feel about that when it came to it anyway. So giving birth alone will be a character building experience!! I'm quite a solitary person at heart, so I dont think I'll mind the emotional aspect, just the practical help that I'll miss.

Would just like to put in another vote for home birth. Maybe it's not an option in your case, Em32, but perhaps some of the other people on this thread. I had a home birth with ds2 and it was wonderful. Was determined not to give birth with ds1 actually in the room though, I think I hung on until his auntie came to take him out to breakfast .

But another thing, don't just drop hints with friends/family, ask them outright. Mum wasn't around when we had ds1 and I really could have done with some help then. (Mum + Dad are also divorced, with new partners, and I think there was some awkwardness about getting in each others way.) With ds2 I just told her I really needed her around. And I also told her that her role would be to look after ds1 - although I think she would have loved to have been there cheering me on through the labour. I'm not sure if she'd have stayed with us if I hadn't been so forceful but in the end she really appreciated the opportunity to bond with ds1 and now makes the effort to come and see us every month or so to make sure he doesn't forget her [need a kind of smiley sad face here].

Janeljohns, doesn't that kind of position exist already, called something like a maternity nanny? Certainly sounds like a great idea if no close friends or family are about, and if money and space are not a problem!