I`ve got to go back to work in 2 months time and i dont know how i'll cope!

[stilldazed]

I've spent the last 8 months at home looking after my 8 month old dd. In 2 months time i have to go back to work full time and she is going to go to nursery full time...Every time i think of it it brings me to tears.

part time isn't an option and we need the money so there is no choice...she's such a happy little girl i keep looking at her and feeling so guilty about what's to come.

Please words of wisdom.....

Stilldazed, I can sympathise with you completely, as my DD is now 7 months and she'll start nursery in 3 months when I go back to work (part-time though).

Two things though: have you sat down to calculate the monthly costs of full-time nursery and what's left of your salary at the end of the month? I thought my DH and I wouldn't be able to cope financially if I went back part-time but because childcare costs are so high it doesn't make a big difference financially. You could get tax credits etc. as I'm sure you know already.

Also, have you decided on a nursery yet? We've been to see five or six of them and finally decided on one. The staff seem absolutely lovely and I think our DD will be really stimulated there. There can be huge differences between nurseries imo and it's worth checking out a few and go with your gut feeling.

Finally, please keep in mind that your DD will most probably be happy at nursery, it's often so much harder on us parents!

I probably haven't pointed out anything you don't already know and I'm sure I'll be in a right state when the time comes for my DD to start nursery but try and stay positive! x

stilldazed - I can sympathise totally as I was in this position a few months ago. I am now in my second week back at work after 13 months off, 11 and a half of which were just pretty much me and my DS. I really worried about how he would cope with nursery but he has settled really well and seems to be happy. I knew from experience with DD that it would be OK in the end but it didn't stop that horrible feeling that I was doing the wrong thing. Just make sure that you give the nursery all of the relevant information about your DD and don't feel bad about reinforcing immportant points again and again, or phoning to make sure she is OK in the first few days. My DD is now 4.5 and has been going to nursery for nearly 4 of those - she is a very happy, sociable little girl and given that her natural tendency is to be shy I think that nursery has been really really good for her. Oh yes, and I do think there is a plus side to going back to work in that you get some 'you' time, adult conversation and you'll be able to finish a whole cuppa before it gets cold!

It'll be fine, honestly.

DD will be happy at nursery, it is going to be harder on you than on her as you will probably find when you first go back to work that you have less sleep, will be knackered, housework will be harder and you might catch a cold from DD's nursery or from work (sorry!).

Could you ask your mum or similar to come and help look after you as a family for the first couple of weeks or could your DH take some holiday while you get settled? Either of those things would, in hindsight, have been really helpful for us.

stilldazed
if any consolation feel exactly the same....also havent got childcare sorted so feel sick at the thought....

Thanks everyone for the replying.

The thing i feel worse about is what a long day it is going to be for her whilst she is still a baby. I don't have any family or anyone to help so it really is just the nursery. If she could go just mornings, it would make such a big difference and i would see it all the positives that birdybedtime mentioned.

The nursery is a really good one so no complaints there, it's a private one for employees where DP works.

it's just such a long day for her and the nursery is quite far from my work and DP´s which so traffic will be making DD´s day even longer.

I know lots of other people do this and the babies are fine it just feels so hard!!

Bear in mind babies do sleep at nursery. I think a school day is effectively longer actually as there is no down time really.

What about a childminder nearer your home? Homely environment, more consistent care.....

I was scared of going back full time, even though I was looking forward to it, too.

In the end, it was easier than expected. It helped that my daughter enjoyed going to nursery from the start, so we weren't faced with overly big tears (and now get only squeals of joy). I drop her off at quarter to eight and pick her up between half five and six. Until sleep time (she goes to bed between half eight and nine) we have playtime, where she gets my and my husbands full attention (well, one of us will be cooking at some point and we'll have dinner together too, obviously). We may have not much time together during the week, but it's quality time, and that beats lots of hours of not so quality time hands down.

It helps having an enjoyable job which keeps me busy, so I'm not only doing it for the money. Try to see your time at work as a bit of "me"-time, which you can spend with adults and be yourself rather than just mummy.

It'll be alright.

Are you sure that nursery is the childcare option you want? you still have time to investigate other options which might make you happier about leaving her (like cinnamonbun said). And it will be so hard at first, but you'll cherish the time you have together even more. (sounds corny i know) And she will be stimulated in so many different ways. And the expression on her face when she sees you at the end of the day - it'll make it worthwhile iykwim

unfortunetly a childminder is not an option for financial reasons. I agree she will be stimulated i just feel it's a very long day and she is still so young. If she could go for say 3 hours a day I think it would be a good thing.

It is definitley not the option I want but feel i have no choice, I thing that's part of the problem...it's not a decision i've taken is more like the only option.

Sorry everyone, I know i'm being a bit pathetic and loads of people send 10 month old babies to nursey full time, i just can't bear it.....

Perfectly normal to feel upset at the thought.

However, give it a go. Give it a good three months minimum. You will almost certainly find that it is all ok and you will wonder why you ever worried.

If you are still very unhappy after six months, that's when it's time to think again.