Baby always cries when dad is holding her

[tiredbutlearning]

I am having a wee problem with my Dp and Dd. I didnt think there was a problem untill I searched on MN and found other such stories. DD is a generally calm and loving 10 week older

BUT

At the weekends when DP is "on duty"...she always and I mean always cries and cries when Daddy is near. It has got worse and worse over the 10 weeks and now DP is so deflated he dreads doing anythign with her. Which is making life really hard for me - as I feel he is rejecting her and regrettiing becoming a dad.

He finds it all achore and doesnt get any enjoyment back - I am tryign to really hard but I am wearing thin as its me me me...Im so tired I got shingles.

Please share any info of what you have been throigh or just strengthening words to help us get through this.

Thank you

Oh. I am just wondering...

when you give her to DP, is there a specific time? Ie, she is crying and you need a break, or after a feed? Or is it random? I say that as I do not generally pass DS to DH if he is hungry for example, or needs a nappy change, it is usually when he should be content. And he cries. So, the last couple of times, ie last night, and this morning, DH has just continued to pat his bottom and shh, and hold him close, and he has gone to sleep, eventually...realised he is most likely tired when i pass him and he is grisly as it is not mama;s natural curves to sleep on...just an idea. We are still learning all over again too.

what i meant by that was...could your DD be tired when she is being held by him? How long does he hold her for?

I think there is a little bit of that, as yes when I need a break I ask Dp to help and DD starts crying or keeps crying. But it is also when she is content with me and then I pass her over, thinking I'll snatch a moment here..and she starts for no reason.

Its a little bit of not mama and not being used to dada and DPs fears and self fulling "im no good at this"

this morning I fed her and she started to fall asleep so I passed DD on to DP and I kept patting with him so she wasnt too startled and she slept on him for a shorter than normal sleep - but it was better than normal.

I also took the plunge and showed Dp this thread and he actually organised with his other Dad friend to go for a walk!!!!!!!!

We'll take each day slowly and I will keep trying to only pass baby when she is content...ie not in the afternoons!!

Well done you and DP! That is great that he took some action from this. Hopefully he took some comfort too that this is all very normal and won't be forever.

It is ok imo to pass baby when she is not content, when you need a break, just don't expect him to be able to console her, just accept she will cry while you have that break. Well done on her sleeping on him though, even if it was short. DH gets bored after a short while so DS ends up in the rocker anyway [and often then wakes up!]

We just bought a rocker swing today!! ha ha.

hope you had a good weekend - thank you for being there last night!

ooooh i want one of those! Tell me how you get on with it.

I'm sure its nothing personal. Does he wear strong smelling aftershave/moisturiser or use a strong smelling shower gel? Little babies dont always react well to that. And she'll pick up on his uncertainty now.

A few things that might help -

drape a worn top of yours over DP before you give the baby to him to cuddle

try all having group cuddles together

maybe he could try having special time with her - like bath times - for bonding. My 2 boys have always had bath time with their dad - and still do (eldest is now nearly 4, youngest 11 months) - at weekends and absolutely love having that quality time..

It'll get better - just all hang on in there.

Hi Dinky Stink - I LOVE the idea of using an item of my clothing as a muslin, definately worth trying!

Yesterday was my best day so far...DP changed, he appeared to enjoy talking to her on her mat...and he also took her for a walk. It felt real and not overly forced and like he emjoyed it.

MN is my life saver....

YEY!i am so pleased things are getting easier for your DP! Do you think showing him thread helped? I hope so.

DH is currently bonding with DS as we speak. He is watching Maggie and the Ferocious Beast with him . DS is in his rocker, so not sure what DHs excuse is for watching it

Pavlov - all is going so well, I cant believe a week ago, I was worried that it really wouldnt changed. DP has really opened up and let DD in!!!! xxxxx