Leaving DD with Childminder breaking my heart

[Roopoo]

My DD is going to Childminder 3 days a week from Monday
Had the trial run today..

DD loved it.... I haven't stopped crying since... It's breaking my heart...

Totally selfish I know but I don't want to be apart from my DD... I had PND and feel like I have already missed out on so much...

Does it get easier...

It definitely gets a lot easier as they get older. What age is she? I had to leave my dd for three days/week from 10 months old, and I cried and hated it for months. It took her a while to settle though, adding to the guilt complex! Once you see how much she benefits from being around other children, and assuming she really enjoys it, I'm sure that you'll feel much happier about it.

Thanks
She is nearly 9 months old..
Just feel like such a crap mum.. I was crap at the beginning with PND and now Im sending her off to another woman for 3 days a week

Ignore me... Im just feeling extrememly sorry for myself.... and if ONE more person tells me it's selfish to go back to work I swear I will swing for them...
If I didn't need the money I wouldn't work

But she's really happy with it, so she's not suffering. Maybe you need to be very very busy when she's gone.

It's selfish to go back to work...., I'm having such a bad day I could do with a slap!

Think how sad it would be if you weren't upset! Of course you are, but she will be fine and you will be fine and all will be well and you are doing what you have to.

omg who is saying you are selfish to go back to work??

grrrr

Also with this big change is there any chance of PND returning?

I see the doctor every three weeks so he is going to monitor going back to work etc.. Im on fluoxetine which has been amazing..

Lots of friends and family seem to think that they have the right to tell me how selfish they think I am without having a clue about our financial situation!!

Thanks for the support... Think it's just one of those days

I'm very lucky I was able to make the choice to stay home, by the time my first was 9 months I was 4 months pg...it has come back to bite me on the bum though! For a start I have a huge gap on my CV. It's only part time and going back to work may remind you that you are a woman and not just a mother..... something I have to remind myself all of time. You have the best of both!!

Three days work a week will be GREAT for your self-confidence and should hopefully speed up your recovery from PND. And the wrench you feel now about leaving DD with the CM does get easier each time, I promise. Good luck

I do the same no. of days you do and also had pnd with dc1, except unlike your cheery bundle, dc used to cry every time I dropped him off!

Solution: dh did it Seriously, ds never cried when his father dropped him off even though I was reassured he was fine 5 mins after I left him. Re-engaging with adults was also my sanity and it made me treasure the time I had with dc.

It's not nice in the beginning but it does gradually get easier and just become part of the routine. And you have the balance right, the majority of the week you are with dd.

Ignore any comments about selfishness, that's absolute rubbish. IN fact, I think it is generally best to learn to ignore any such comments, everybody likes to think they know best when it comes to children

In my experience working part-time is a really good compromise, you get some time to carry on being 'you' outside of the childcare situation, earn some extra money, plus your little one gets time with other children/adults which IS good/healthy for them, and you still have four days a week together! It is hard at first, but definitely worth hanging in there. If anything, you both will probably appreciate the time you have together more through being apart some of the time.

x-posts heated

I have to go back to work full time when ds is 6 months (in 8 weeks) I am dreading it. But we have no choice as I am major wage earner. To be honest the childminder I have found will probably do a much better job than me!

You aren't selfish at all, it shows how much you care that you are upset. I have PND too and think that perhaps work might actually help me get some adult company and a bit of "me" back.

don't beat yourself up about it - you will still spend MOST your week with your little one.

it's so tough . When I first went back to work, I used to read the ofsted report for DS1's nursery over and over and over again to reassure myself. And I didn't even have PND.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to ask the childminder for a picture of your DD enjoying herself and put it on the wall with a piece of artwork she has done while there up (or keep it in your handbag if this isn't appropriate at your place of work). I found the jealousy (i.e. someone else bonding with DS) easier to cope with than the guilt!

Be kind to yourself and take care.

I've just gone back to work, DS2 is 8 months old. It's breaking my heart. I went through the same agony with DS1 too.

What I remind myself is something I read in a Penelope Leach book (she's a childcare guru, also a realist) - small children will come to love their carers. Not as much as they love Mummy of course, but a good carer will be loved. And love is a good thing - the more loving people in a child's life the better. It makes them happier stronger more secure people.

And it does get easier.

Roopoo - she will be fine and so will you. I got a lot of stick for putting dd1 in a (lovely) nursery for 2 days a week especially from my Mum but after a while she did admit that it was a good thing seeing how happy we all were with the situation.

you still have 4 whole days to enjoy being with your dd - I hope you enjoy the structure and stimulation of working and make the most of your time with her - you can have it both ways although you will still have days (with her and at work!) when you wonder what on earth you are doing!

Good luck,