Firstly I have name changed. Not sure why - probably because I am not entirely sure how much detail I am going to go into which may reveal me in RL.
I think I have Aspergers and don't know where to start about getting a diagnosis.
I know that as a grown woman, a diagnosis won't make much difference in terms of the way I fit into society but I think it might just help me come to terms with the person I am if that makes sense.
I have very little social skills. I think for most of my childhood I disguised this by being shy and not talking! Only since meeting my DP over 7 years ago, he encouraged me to come out of my shell more and be more confident. I did this more and more and then just found that I was putting my foot in it more and more! DP thinks that I just don't engage my brain before speaking but I definitely do because anything I say is thought about for ages before actually saying it as I am so scared of looking like an idiot or offending someone.
I can't hold a conversation with people I don't know or basically who are not in my family or a close friend. I find my mind goes blank or I just find it a really painful experience. I end up saying something stupid or weird. Otherwise it is like I just can't make a connection - in that case i think I just come across as disinterested and rude. I have two very good friends who I have been friends with for years. I don't think I have good social skills with them either TBH but they accept it. I think I tend to talk at them rather than have a conversation! I also think I say things that offend them sometimes. It isn't that I want to be like this either. I want to have good friends so much but just can't make those connections with people.
In work I struggle as I hate holding eye contact with people. My eyes feel like they are burning and start to water. I blink lots and get very panicky about it, to the point where I can't focus on whatever the topic is as I am focussing on not turning away from the person or looking at the floor! This is very difficult.
I also have a few odd phobias. I hate the feeling of certain materials - usually it is things that make my hands feel dry such as paper or tissues. I also hate when my fingers and toes feel dry (for example when I come straight out of the bath or have done washing up). Sorry - I know that I sound like such a weirdo saying that!
I also have a few little obsessions. I say little as I tend to be quite faddy with them and sort of chop and change. They really are some quite odd topics - my latest obsession is the weather! I am like a constant weather report at the moment and keep telling people when we expect snow. My poor DP gets the brunt of my obsessions and hears all about them all the time. He is usually pretty tolerant but think he would probably like to ask me to shut up sometimes! . There are also some other more odd topics that I obsess about but they really are strange!
I am terrified of going to my GP. I know that a lot of GP's don't know much about AS, particularly in adults. For that reason I would rather just get a private diagnosis. Any appointment on this will be difficult enough for me and if I was turned away without anyone looking into it/looked at like I was mad, it would really knock me for six.
I also know that just because I have self-diagnosed this that it doesn't necessarily mean that a Dr will agree but I just need to know.
Could someone tell me how much a private appointment would cost? I am thinking it will be at least a few hundred and so I would need to save. More specifically I saw on another thread about Maxine Easton. She is near me and so it would make sense for me to make an appointment with her.
Thank you for your advice.