Talk to me about alternatives to the 'naughty step' style of parenting!

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I had a pretty normal upbringing for someone my age - I was occasionally smacked, occasionally punished, but really I was pretty well behaved (according to my mother, who is probably wearing rose tinted glasses ), so she never had to think through a 'method' of bringing me up.

So, DS is 15 months and I'm beginning to realise that I need to think about his needs beyond the whole 'is he wet? is he hungry? is he tired?' thing, and don't have a clue where to start! He's just beginning to show the first signs of tantrumming, and I don't have a clue what to do!

Sooo, can anyone recommend any good parenting/toddler books? I'm not sure I'm prepared to do the whole unconditional parenting thing, but TBH I haven't read very much about it, and if anyone can recommend a book that lays it out in simple terms I'd be willing to read it!

'The Social Toddler' is a fabulous book - but you should also read 'Unconditional Parenting' just to see if you agree with it or not, otherwise you'll always be wondering! It isn't a heavy read, just challenging (i.e. challenging to our pre-conceived ideas of parenting).

You might also like reading Dr Sears, Jesper Juul (Danish author), Deborah Jackson, Playful Parenting, and How to Talk So Kids Listen (etc)

I second "How to Talk", but find it less applicable for younger kids (toddlers).

I'm a big fan of "The Science of Parenting" / "What every parent needs to know" by Margot Sunderland (same book, two editions with different titles). It's not 'practical', but it's excellent in explaining what's going on in the little one's brain. Knowing where he's at developmentally and seeing things from his position will help you guide him through the situations where some parent would just go for the naughty step.

I also like Stephen Biddulph. There's a webchat with him where he outlines his 'stand and think'
www.mumsnet.com/onlinechats/steve-biddulph

By the way, very interesting that you talk about your mum's rose tinted glasses. My mum thinks my boy is naughty when he's not doing as she tells him. But I know, because I see other kids, that he's perfectly normal. And I also see that her way of talking to him is very different from mine. I'm glad I read Biddulph :-)

Want an example?
She: Can you come now and get ready for going out?
Nothing happens
Me: Come here and sit down, please. I want to put your shoes and jacket on. We're going out.
Succes (at least most of the time)

'How to talk' etc is really good. The skill certainly comes with parents using the right language fairly and firmly.

It has been really effective with my DS now 4yrs who has always been a handful and we continue to use it.

If we forget, he's so used to how we should say things, he now corrects me - which is funny and we laugh off the 'tense' moments.

Thanks for the recommendations, much appreciated. Will go and order them all from the library!

LauraN1 that's interesting, the subtle difference in saying something - I would never think of the difference in those two phrases!