MILs and hot water bottles

[pinchmeimustbedreaming]

ok im feeling quite strong today so thought i would post about my not so helpful MIL we get on generally but every now and then she takes over and insists i need help with my ds (since he was born). i had post natal depression when ds was born and sometimes it seems like she uses that as a weak spot to take control herself. its really upsetting as i feel she thinks im doing a bad job. im affraid that the telling me i cant cope (instead of asking) is going to push me back to that big dark hole of pnd. its like MIL and nan in law have split personalities they have both suffered with depression themselves and i feel should know better. i am a strong confident mum who can now put them in their place but the constant battle to be seen as a good mum to their grandchild/great grandchild is exhausting.

recently MIL stayed at our house and looked after ds while we were away. when we returned MIL commented on how ds was sooo cold in the night and she had to keep heating on in his room and give him jumper and socks and extra covers in bed. my son is usually quite warm in bed and only wears short sleeved/legged pjs and duvet. since then she has bought a hideous all in 1 thing thats fleecy and for xmas a hot water bottle. iv only recently said to dh that i didnt want ds to have a hot water bottle. is this a rational thing? when do children usually have hot water bottles? plus for the 50th time MY SON IS NOT COLD ergh!!!!!

Both mine have hot water bottles at the moment (age 4 and 2), it's freeeezing! Although I'd have thought the ones you can microwave are technically safer for kids. You sound very sensitive to what your MIL says, she's probably just trying to be helpful.

DS has one, he's 3.

yeah i think you're right, i am a little sensitive but i think i am more proud and honestly feel 'if it aint broke dont fix it' my ds 2.7 is well fed, warm, clean, he gets lots of 1 to 1 interaction, he plays well with other children, hes been doing his abc's for over a year, he knows colours, numbers and shapes, hes not fussy with food. hes slept through since he was 12 weeks old. i know that sounds like a bit of a rant but what else can i do for this woman to like me and respect me as a mum and a good mum and a good wife to her son

Both mine have hot water bottles, they are 2 and 5. How old is your DC?

Most children do need more than your DC seems to have, but each child is different and you know your DC best. Sounds like your MIL was only trying to look after him in the best way she could.

Within familiess there is usually a great variety of thoughts on how to parent. Try not to take her thoughts and actions as criticism. The tactic I usually employ with Grandparents is to listen to all their advice and they just trust my own instincts and do what I like.

my ds is 2.7 so from what people say i think i feel happier about it. of course im not going to let my son freeze if hes cold like last i will give him more layers but hes always really warm. if he was cold while we were away then absolutely, judge the situation and act accordingly if i didnt thik she was fit to look after my son she wouldnt have been alowed to. i wish she thought that i know him best and i wish i could have her respect. dh feels it too and regualry has to let her know who is the mummy. dont think refering to herself as mummy helped especially while i was dealing with pnd.

I have never given dd (6) or ds (3) a hot water bottle but then we dont own one. Both lo's also like going to bed with shortie jammies even in the snowy weather we've been having (-8 or thereabouts last night in Scotland) - they have a 10.5 tog duvet and nothing else to keep them cozy. I remember occasionally having a hot water bottle when I was a child but not when I was a toddler.

If you don't think your ds to have don't give him one.

FWIW my dd's share a room and dd1 (nearly 6) has a hot water bottle and dd2 who's 2.3yrs sleeps with a fan on her because she sleeps hot.

It's not really about hot water bottles is it? It's about what you see as your MILs implicit criticism of your parenting.

Rise above my dear. It is the way of MIL (and indeed many M) to affirm their value to the family by giving advice, knowing best and Being Needed. You might want to consider that you could maintain your superiority by pandering to her whims with a little smile and 'if you think so'. Let her have her little moment. You're the boss. And she knows it.

ps - I love hot water bottles. Wish we had had an hot water bottle emoticon for the cold weather.

Ds will never have a hot water bottle.

Friend of mine had one when she was tiny, it burst and she needed skin grafts on most of the top half of her body .

I know it completely irrational, and I have 1 but I just couldnt. Have looked at the wheat filled ones though..

i did want to know what age people usually give their children hot water bottles but you're spot on missingtheaction. most of the time i do that and rise above it, but other times she really gets to me, shes had her chance with her own children, back off. suppose she wont change though so just got to be the bigger person and let her get on with it. i will be unbreakable!!!!!

Attagirl!

Geordie, I hate to traumatise you even more but those wheat filled ones and any that you microwave can also get very very hot and cause serious burns.

Looks like he will never get either then

TBH we live in a warm house, and he's very toasty (currently running round with just his slippers on)

I would never give a hot water bottle to a child. Microwave ones especially, I can't manage to re-heat a dinner without half being cold and half burning hot.

My DD doesn't feel the cold, she had loads of febrile convulsions as a baby from being over-heated. You know him best.

Anyway it's not about hot/cold, it's about standing up to MIL. Keep it up, she'll realise eventually to keep a lid on it, and hopefully will seethe silently.