Feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything I don't know - baby not even nearly here!

[Ozziegirly]

So, I"m in the very early stages of a much longed for pregnancy.

DH and I chatting over the weekend about maternity leave and what I'll be doing all day etc - and I kind of realise I have absolutely no idea about loads and loads of things.

Firstly, on a practical level, how do I know what kit I need? I am guessing a moses basket, cot, car seat, pram, sling, some clothes and nappies? Am I missing something vital from there?

And secondly, how will I know what to actually do with my baby? I hope that the nappy changing/feeding etc will be covered at ante natal classes, but what do I do the rest of the time to amuse him/her?

I have loads of time to learn but suddenly feel like I will be totally out of my depth with a small person totally dependent on me, and I will not have an idea how to actually bring them up.

Is there a book that can help a first time mother with zero experience of babies? I've never even held a newborn!

Congratulations BTW

Thank you ErikaMaye, I'm making a note of all of these things.

I think that " what the fuck do I do now?" will be my overriding feeling!

Oh bless you! I remember doing exactly this and bursting into tears in BabyGap, basically dissolving in the face of utter confusion of vests versus babygrows (and I'm really not a worrier).
Believe me, you will just get it. You will be presented with this little thing that only has the most basic needs at first, eating, sleeping etc it will take you all day just to deal with that, believe me. They don't need amusing for months! The brilliant thing is as the child grows , your knowledge does too.
I think the whole thing is extremely confusing, there is so much advice out there and you'll assume you'll just get it. I clearly remember thinking often "but I'm just a baby" when struggling with my newborn. It's all totally normal and it will just fall into place, and if it doesn't there is so much support out there, don't be shy to grab onto it!

I was 22 when dd was born, had never held a baby and all my friends were young blokes.

About 2 weeks before I was due to give birth her father turned to me in Sainsburys and said, "so ... what do babies eat?" I had figured that bit out ;)

If I could give any bit of advice to someone in that situation it would be to find friends who have babies as quickly as possible. I thought I'd be able to just carry on as normal but with a baby, and in many ways I did, but my friends were young guys who wanted to go to the pub etc. so there are some things it just isn't practical or sensible to do!

Once I started going to toddler groups etc. with her I found people to talk to and was much less lonely and worried as I realised that everyone else with a new baby didn't really know what they were doing either. Babies are actually pretty easy to look after - looking after yourself can be more of a challenge at times, but is so important.

Good luck - and enjoy it, take it day by day and you will grow and learn together

domesticslattern - all my friends out here either have slightly older ones, or none yet. But a close friend is one week ahead of me in her pregnancy, so hopefully we will be able to muddle through together.

I like getting out and meeting people so going to lots of baby groups seems like an excellent idea.

It's a bit like Christmas though... People think they have to have the STUFF ready, in case of some clothing emergency. But birth is just one day, and then the baby is here. It can be a bit overwhelming and some people are laid up sore or after a C Section, but you CAN leave the house after having a baby...

You need very little before they're born. And so much of the stuff people try to sell you, you will not use. Buy things when he/she arrives. All you really need for the immediate days after birth are some nappies, cotton wool, a few babygros, a warm blanket, a car seat and possibly somewhere for it to sleep.

And I think the thing you really need to know, is the thing you can never prepare for, which is what it feels like to have the responsibility for a tiny human being.

That's by far the biggest thing, and the thing you just have to get on with.

But be prepared for it to be an emotional rollercoaster.

Oh i just remembered one excellent tip - do not panic when you open the first pooey nappy.

It will be greeny black and a little bit like a melted tarmac road, but it will not always be like that. And its normal.

I remember my friend and I attempting to change DS's first nappy (after a few subtle hints from midwife).

After several, "i dont know how to do it... do you?"s and "surely you must have changed a nappy before"s from both of us, we gave it a go and then promptly squeeled very loudly (and unprofessionally for a new mum) that "There is something wrong with my baby. Someone help!".

I think my friend actually tried to make a run for it out of the ward but I grabbed her and wouldnt let her go !

Oh yes, meconium. Fun stuff.

My eldest is 8.

Different issues, same question.

What the fuck do I do now?

Tis the mantra of parenting I think

Defo, along with "this too shall pass".

Hey foxy! Your eldest is 8?!! Jeez, time flies! How the devil are you ?

As for this: 'You make me believe that I won't just stand there with a screaming baby going "what?, WHAT?" (although I'm sure I will do that).' You will do that . You will also say 'S/he can't be hungry again! I've just feed him/her!' but invariably it will be hungry again.