i'm turning into a moany mummy and i need to change now.

[knicknack]

Hi i have 2 ds' my elsdest is 3.8 and my younger 4 months. I love both of them with all my heart and i can't bear how moany i have become with ds1 i feel so sorry for him. I have been aware of this for a couple of months or so now and i get up every day with the intention of not moaning at him but then he does something he shouldn't do ect wakes ds2 (by accident) when hes just gone off for a nap, spills something else, whinges about things instead of just saying it ect nothing naughty or anything mayjor really, just little things all children do, but i have found myself telling him off and moaning at him when i really shouldn't be lately We have always been so close and still are and i don't want to carry on moaning ect but i find myself doing it without even realising lately. Its just the 3 of us and i enjoy our life and am happy with it and so is ds, he's a very happy chirpy loving little boy. So really i just need some help with ways to deal with things better than moaning and telling him off when i know i shouldn't be. Sorry if this post sounds really silly but my boys are everything to me and i don't want to change the amazing bond we have

It's an easy enough thing to fall into especially if you're the main or sole carer, so don't be too hard on yourself.
You could try counting to 5 before you say anything and that would give your initial instinct chance to settle down before you open your mouth to speak and then when you do say something it won't be a moan, more of a constructive comment.
I have found myself going through phases of hearing myself snapping all the time or seemingly tell dcs off all the time and it gets a real rut and the only way you can really sort it out is by consciously changing they way you view things. Get plenty of rest when you can, look after yourself and then you will find you react to things in a much calmer way....but don't expect to be perfect as none of us are!
hth a bit

Yes i think more rest would help, but there's always something to be done being a single mum, when the boys are in bed thats when i do the majority of housework then by the time i have sat down with a hot choc or whatever and get on the laptop or switch the tv on i just relax and end up staying there for far too long I genrelly am very calm with him but just lately he is allot more attention seeking and i cant blame him at all he has a fairly new baby brother and at the same time started nursery. The 5 second thing sounds great aswel as after i have moaned a majority of the time i do think to myself "god there really was no need for that poor ds" i guess i should think before i talk. Anyway we had such a great xmas and boxing day full of fun and laughter with no moaning and it hit me how much i need to relax about stuff. And thanks for your advice it has helped

It is hard - and those ages are tricky too because you are having to juggle the needs of the baby with the demands of an older sibling who is only little himself. Same age gap I have with my 2 eldest and I remember finding myself feeling very much like you do at that stage - and that was with another parent at home, so i take my hat off to you!
Easy to say get more rest but sometimes you have to just change the way you look at things in order to get on day-to-day without moaning too much.
Maybe when your baby son sleeps you can really focus on ds1 and then when you are having to do things for ds2 later on, ds1 won't find it too difficult to entertain himself and you can really make a big thing of him being a help to you with passing nappy change stuff to you, keeping ds2 entertained while you run a bath etc. and involving ds1 at each stage.
I know you probably do these things anyway but it's amazing how a bit of focus on what seem like tiny things can change the way you get on in family life! All the best, it will get easier!
Oh and log off MN and get to bed! I'm going now too!

I cant wait to start getting out a bit more what with the bad weather and most money being spent on christmas we have been pretty much stuck indoors for too long, ds1 has always needed something to focus on and gets bored easily and is also very energetic so needs to let it all out somehow, one o my life savers if its not been raining is the trampoline in the garden for ds1
And yes the humour, love and adorabalness (if thats even a word ) more than makes up for it

agree that being indoors doesn't help - my dcs get bad cabin fever if they're cooped up so come rain or shine we have to go out somewhere, anywhere, to get rid of the excess energy!
I also found that after birthdays and Christmas when they are made to feel special with all the presents and treats, my dcs were often quite hard work for a couple of weeks afterwards for some reason....so that may be adding to it for you?
night

I totally agree lenin on letting the small things go i guess i have just not been looking at the bigger picture lately. And 12th night i do involve him as much as possible but allot of the time he's just not interested in ds2, he does love him and joins in but only when he wants to when ds2 does nap my attention is solely on ds1 and we do anything he wants (within reason and not wrecking the house) just ds2 never really naps for long during the day and is a better night time sleeper which is great for me but not so much for ds1. Oh and maybe i should get myself to bed too got a busy day tomorrow!

When I find I am going down the slippery slope of being moany mum I pretent there is a camera filming me, it really does help me stop and think before reacting. I will also openly acknowledge to my son if I am overreacting or feeling stressed and say "sorry ds, I;m just having a stressed day, I didn't mean to over-react about the spilt milk/snap at you/get cross" and I think that helps him distinguish my behaviour from his, so he knows that me snapping isn;t always a result of what he's done, but more an indication of how I am feeling in general, so it's not such a personal attack on him iuswim.

Also, try to let the housework go a little, at the end of the day it's not more important than your health, and far better for you to chill out once the boys are aslepp and just relax than run around the house frantically trying to tidy up.

yeah go to bed!!!

overmydeadbody - I do that too, apologise to whichever of my children got snapped at.
Might borrow the idea of pretending there's a camera there when things get fraught!

I do let him know when i have over reacted sometimes overmydeadbody but i really am too annoyingly anal in having a clean and tidy house before i can sleep to let that 1 slip the camera idea is brill though i love it! may have to go for that one tomorrow and see how it goes. Oh and thnks so much rasputin have just ordered myself a used copy for £4.10 from play.com

ok im off to bed thanks for the extra push. oh and i just realised i use too many smileys