How do you discipline your children if one of them has behavioral problems and the other one is just plain naughty?

[coldtits]

I have just bellowed at my children, t9ld them they are horrible little animals and animals don't get toys, sent them upstairs to their room and packed all their new toys away.

I CANNOT COPE. I HAVE NO HELP. I HAVE NO STRATEGIES LEFT< AND VERY LITTLE PATIENCE LEFT TO APPLY THEM.

They trash their bedroom daily. They get everything out, plus they move the furniture, strip the beds and empty their cupboards. If they are downstairs - well, I have just hoovered up hama beads, magnetix, lego and k'nex, playmobile and hot Wires.

They have lost at least one peice from ever single toy they got for Christmas.

Ds2 refuses point blank to tidy up. I have tried persuasion, silly games, helping, threatening, shouting, time out - it can take up to and over an hour to make him pick up just one thing he has thrown. Ds1, because of his behavioral problems, will willingly agree to tidy, then 3 seconds (and I'm not exaggerating) later he will be staring into space, spinning round in circles, getting more things out, knocking something all overthe original mess. I have to stand over him chanting "Pick it up pick it up pick it up pick it up..." Meanwhile Ds2 is somewhere else throwing things all over the place.

I am exhausted, and worn down, and I can't even be arsed with them at the moment. Neither of them get quality time with me because the SECOND one of them is out of the way I have to try to damage control the house, and as ds1 doesn't sleep until 11 pm sometimes, I have to do it while he is awake.

I'm a single parent and this so is not what I fucking signed up for. I never ever knew children could maintain this level of mindless destruction.

Please give me some advice on how to deal with them and how to deal with myself, because my behavior has been shocking today.

ds (8) has LF ASD and is finding xmas and the lack of routine difficult to cope with. He knows its xmas holiday and keeps packing a bag to go away and is upset about his activities not being on.

We now have direct payments and are able to employ his previous and brilliant TA to care for ds. Sometimes she takes him out and sometimes she babysits at home so we can take dd out or do things ds would hate.

dh has just called down that ds has just emptied all his drawers out in his bedroom and stripped his bed. This is part of the disruption of xmas for ds. ds will have to put his things away as he made the mess but it isn't naughty behaviour but a part of his sensory disorder and ASD. This is where respite really helps - I managed to get a couple of hours out today and go to the gym so I feel more able to cope.

School holidays just magnify behaviour and if you are getting no break you will be exhausted. It has taken years for me to accept help but it has made a difference to us, overnight respite wasn't what I wanted for ds so this works for us.

Take care

Coldtits, another one here that could have written your post.

DS1 is 7 and DS2 is 5. DS1 is suspected to be ASD but has been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. His brain is so jumbled at the moment that all he does, all day every day, is spit vitriol at me.
I'm not allowed to say words with a "ck" sound in them, raise my eyebrows, blow as I talk, breathe in his direction, sigh after drinking a cup of tea etc etc. If I do I get called a stupid, dumb mum. All day. every day.

I spend my days trying to get through til bedtime. Nothing is fun, nothing enjoyable. I THEN SPEND ALL EVENING WORRYING, STRATEGISING, FEELING LIKE CRAP. I then get up and do it all again.

Perhaps we need to start a support thread for extreme behaviours and keep it going.

Hi Coldtits, just another one signing in. DD1 is 4, and has a brain malformation. DD2 is 2 and changes completely when DD1 is at preschool.

I have just had to accept the chaos. There is no way out right now. My sanity is the 2 hours Homestart volunteer help per week.

Coldtits,can I send you a very big {{{hug}}

I think this time of year is worse generally,anyhow.

dd also has ld .She isn't massively destructive (yet) but needs 24/7 supervision and strews toys and random objects all over the house.ds 6 nt is usually a fairly good lad but at Christmas is hyper and over excitable.I DO have dp here too,though he is chronically ill he can at least entertain 1 of the dcs whilst i manage the other if he is on a good day.It must be sodding hard doing it all on your own.

i have no answers but want to send you a hug or at least a manly punch on the shoulder XXX

I feel better now, as they are both asleep - I am blessed that ds1 does generally sleep, just later than average.

I know I am just repeating what lots of people have said, but it really is true.

Create a bedroom that is just the beds and their clothes.

Store the toys and give them out one at a time, only switch toys when the previous one is packed up and returned.

Minimal and focused stimulation really could work. Mess, clutter, to much colour/stuff really can create some of these problems.

I cannot physically do that though.

I cannot move all my things out of my room. I can't lift my bed.

It's a bit shit being a LP, sometimes!

What I MIGHT do it try to mackle some shelves in the giant cupboard in their room, and try to stash the sheets under my bed or on my wardrobe or something. Then Put a lock on the cupboard door and keep the btoys in there.

where abouts do you live? I will come and help if I can get there?

Sleighgirl I swear you have a halo... I would love to take you up on your offer but would be far far too embarrassed about the state of my house to let you in. Besides, I'm in Leicestershire, the back arse of nowhere

Well you never know in a few months I may go for the weekend to visit my friend who lives in Coleorton (is that how it's spelt?) I'm sure she will be happy if I go out for a few hours and give her a break from me!

I can envisage your house like mine but with the added decor of 2 boys intent on mass destruction!!!!

we should post pictures of our houses. mine's the shittest! I win. promise!! in the sitting room some of the horrible wall paper is peeled off, carpet is disgusting. toys everywhere... i'm used to it. but i couldn't invite anybody back here. no way.

one day i am going to have a nice house though,,,,,,,,, one day....... or , nicer than this.

I've thought of a solution!!!!

Handcuffs & straight jackets anyone????????