Any Gina Forders? I have some questions

[roslily]

Ok, despite my best efforts at AP etc, I am giving Gina ford a go as I am losing the will to live and have started doing quite dangerous things due to lack of sleep (the other night, half asleep i took a pillow into ds,s room and put it under his head and left. I found it at 5am!)

Anyway, I am following her routine for 3-4 months (my ds is 16 weeks). The lunchtime nap is abit of a battle as he keeps waking, but I resettle using pupd, or face stroking.

He wakes every hour between 3 and 7am. I do leave him a few mins to see if he will resettle himself, but he doesn't. he will settle if I give him dummy, pick him up put down.

Should I continue doing this? Or is there something else I should try a la GF?

This isn'y growth spurt, he has been doing this for a long time now, and I have tried offering bottle, but he is not interested.

roslily It is of my opinion, that babies who don't sleep and scream, do so because either they aren't tired, or because they have been 'trained' out of their own instincts of when to sleep. They managed in the womb after all.

Can you try NEVER puting him down for a nap and see what happens after a couple of days? You will possibly find that he just naps when he needs to on the go.

I think you are trying too hard tbh and getting yourself and your baby into a tiz. Have a calm, quiet, no pressure couple of days.

I know rationally that it won't be for long, but I suppose as my first it feels like forever.

Ds was a (wonderful) accident and I have found adapting to motherhood very difficult. I don't really care about state of house, I have never been particularly house proud.

But I'll be honest and say I miss the me time. Being able to go to toilet without listening to him cry, to be able to eat during day, have a bath. I feel like all I ever do is look after him, no breaks 24 hours a day. I know how stupid that sounds as that is what parenting is, but I wasn't really prepared for it.

I know I sound horribly selfish.

I have tried never putting him down for naps and by 3pm he is hysterical. He just doesn't sleep! He yawns, rubs eyes etc but
doesn't sleep.

I am just so worried all the time that I am making a mess of this.

roslily Do you go out to any mother and baby groups? One small trip a day (walking preferably) is very beneficial, even if it is just to sit on a park bench (hard at this time of year I know).

Baby groups can be close to hell on earth, but if you can stand it for a while you'll be able to pick out one or two people that can be invaluable for support. You can also go to the loo in peace, or just pop outside for a few minutes whilst the other mothers watch your ds.

Which slings have you tried ros? And are you actively trying to get him to sleep in them, or just pottering around getting on with stuff that you want/need to do whilst he's in them?

Is he flat in the pram that he won't sleep in? Neither of mine would sleep in a flat pram. In fact dd didn't sleep for more than 40 mins at a time day or night until she was over 4 months (undiagnosed milk intolerance), and ds would only sleep on top on me or dh for the first 12 or 13 weeks, and then only on his tummy after that!

Roslily, I really recommend this book to you:

www.amazon.co.uk/What-Mothers-Do-Especially-Nothing/dp/0749926201/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8& s=books&qid=1261951224&sr=1-1

It has made me feel sooo much better and more relaxed.

Look roslily. I seriously doubt you're making a mess of it. I think part of your problem is trying too hard to get things right which is putting tremendous pressure on you. Forget what I said before, if a strict routine is what you need to 'survive' then so be it. Really, - 'surviving' is all you need do. Generally however 'surviving' just means winging it from day to day until this tough phase is over.

will try again.

what mothers do

Thanks, I will order a copy. I will try and chill out a bit more.

I try going with instinct, but don't really know what that is. Ah, I am sure it will all fall into place at some point.

I think i am genuinely surprised as I always thought I would be more of a sling wearer, co-sleeper, but it doesn't seem to work for me.

It doesn't help that Dh is not into co-sleeping etc- he bleats on about "rods for backs" etc.

I think I want something in between AP and strict routine. I want to know what is coming up a little bit, but don't want to force ds into something that he won't fit into.

I do go to baby groups, but often spend large amounts of time walking ds around and so missing out on talking with other mums.

Please take him to a chiropractor (or an osteopath if you think chiropractors are crap as half of MN seem to ). DD2 wouldn't sleep anywhere not being held - the best we managed was wedging her in with pillows - not exactly safe! Took her to a chiro a couple of weeks ago... two weeks of treatments every 2 - 3 days and she will now sleep laying flat anywhere.

She was restless all the time before that even when she was sleeping in our arms. She really is a completely different baby now.

We have borrowed an Amby hammock too which she seems to love.

Where abouts are you? I know I would happily walk him round so you could talk to people and get more of a mum support network iyswim?

Have you read any of the babywhisperer stuff?

I had always wanted to be a mum. Other girls talked about husbands and careers and where I wanted those too, the main thing I wanted was to be a mum. I expected it would all come naturally to me. Then I got DD1. Sleeping at night wasn't too much of an issue, but she refused point blank to sleep during the day. I felt I was just sort of fumbling around having no idea what I should be doing or if I was messing her up for life. I ended up getting a babywhisperer book after mum saw the tv show and told me to look her up. She is all for getting them into a pattern, into good habits etc, but not A Routine if that makes sense? Iirc it is Eat, Activity, Sleep and then You time. You follow their lead with when they want to eat etc, but she talks about how to get them to go to sleep from being awake, talks about the different kinds of personality and which need what kind of treatment etc.

It wasn't a perfect fit with DD1 (I wonder now if that was due to her Aspergers tendencies), but it helped ME a hell of a lot.

Thanks. I have a baby whisperer book.

God it is all so hard and overwhelming. I think part of it is that none of my friends have babies, and whilst they are going on holiday, sharing book recommendations, talking to other adults, i spend my day singing stupid songs and everything i own is covered in puke. Even dh gets to go to work and talk to adults.

I just don't feel like me anymore, i'm not important i just exist to feed/entertain/change him. I know that is what it is, but it is hard to adjust.

right i have gone completely off on one now. thanks for all the advice, i will keep muddling along.

It is hard to adjust, and those first 9 months are the hardest imo (sorry, I know that isn't much of a light at the end of the tunnel right now). Once you get past that stage it all seems to start slotting into place more.

My only real friends were work colleagues with no children and they soon drifted off. I was left with one friend with children who thankfully was always there. As time has gone on I have gained more friends again (both with and without children). Some people keep all of their old friends, but I know mine just weren't interested once they realised that it wasn't a case of just finding a babysitter.

You start to develop a pattern, remember that you do still have the ability to read books and hold conversations with someone who actually speaks.

I know at the playgroup I am at pretty much anyone is happy to hold a baby - find someone who looks nice and ask if they'll hold him whilst you go for a wee or something, then when you get back (having had free arms for a few mins) you can normally get chatting (and I am terrified of talking to rl strangers, but this I have managed).

With the risk of sounding a stalker - I did a search on your name... get thee to Chat, Other Subjects, Style & Beauty etc. MN can be a lifesaver in those sections because you can talk as YOU and not Mum Of Small Boy.

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{sad] for you roslily. I can remember those feelings well. In fact they were why I went to GF - this was nearly 10 years ago and she was not as famous then. I read an article in the paper and bought the book.

What had frustrated me was that I seemed to be feeding all the time (I was BF and DS1 was so big and hungry I was 8st 2 - half a stone lighter than pre-preg - by the time he was a month old), and he never seemed to sleep during the day, although he was ok-ish at night. If I asked a HV how often I should be feeding him, they said "as often as he needs to dear." I was also clueless as to what sleeps he needed.

The GF book helped me to work out how much feeding and sleeping a new baby needed and when. OK she is bossy, and the earlier books were bossier still (telling you what to have for breakfast and which tit to use first FFS) but I needed that information and the only person who seemed able to give it to me was GF. I soon got DS1 into a rhythm, he was so happy he never cried unless he was ill or had hurt himself and I knew I could have some me time again. Obviously we were lucky that our DCs fit into the GF sleeping/feeding patterns, not all do.

I have rambled on, I don't want to turn this into a pro-against GF thread after all! I said all this above just to support your decision to try her methods.

What you don't mention (or I didn't see) is how long you have been doing the GF for? It takes a while to get it established.

I find that if I know the baby will be having a sleep at X time, then I can struggle on till then because I know I will get a rest.

I've only been doing it a couple of days, i am going to give it a couple of weeks.

The 7pm bedtime keeps me going some days, i count down the hours til i know he will sleep and i will get a break.

I will perservere, he woke 1:30, 3.30, 4.30, 5.10, 6.20 last night, but he settled to sleep quite quickly.

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Doctors think he has reflux, but gaviscon made him constipated. They wouldn't give anything else as they say "he'll grow out of it" we have an appointment at a paed clinic on 2nd feb, hopefully they won't fob us off too.

Did you try the split feed at 10/15.15pm last night ? How much did he take at the late feed ? Also when he woke every couple of hours, had he kicked his covers off, or was he still tucked in really well ?

Rosily.
I was you 10 years ago. I was the only person of my age with a baby. DH was off out with our friends every night while I was stuck at home with a baby who just cried.
Every evening DD would scream from 6-10pm.
If she didnt get enough sleep in the day she would scream.
It was the worse time of my life. I went away sknowboarding for a week when she was 14 weeks old. I regretted leaving her but it saved me as a person.
Once she reached 6months it was all different.
I am a big fan of a routine for babies and children. They have an inbuilt need to know exactly what they are going to be doing and when.
I found that going out for an hours walk every day with DD in her pram, with a pillow under her as she hated laying down, was a good way of beating that afternoon melt down. They always go to sleep providing they are not hungry.

Most importantly give your self a bit of congratulations. You are a mummy. It is the hardest job in the world. Especally if you are on your own in the job.
It sounds like you are a fabulous mummy, your baby is loved which is the most important thing in the whole wide world.

Rosily get back down to a different doctor and demand your baby be treated properly. Reflux will go eventually but not before a baby and parent have been through hell.

Go back and dont take any crap about growing out of it. There are lots of meds which can be tried.

Ronshar is right. My daughter's on Ranitidine because Gaviscon made her constipated. It drives me mad when I hear of doctors fobbing off people whose babies have reflux. I have stomach acid problems myself and it's painful - why should a baby have to put up with it?

The only other suggestion I have Roslily is to push that 10.30 feed back to midnight? In my experience, as long as you can sleep between midnight and 4am - almost everything else is cope-able with...

I have seen all 3 GPs at my surgery, they have all said the same. Finally when I broke down in tears one agreed to refer me to the paed clinic, she said she won't prescribe anything else herself.

I am going to get DH to do the late feed and leave it as late as possible. He is much more on board now than he has been in past.

I wish he would sleep for longer thsn 30-40mins in day, he always wakes up screaming cos he is still tired.

Oh what the hell is wrong with these people? I take it the Gaviscon makes a difference?