At my wits end

[dontcallmepeanut]

Every night, it seems to be the same battle. Put my DS (he's 23.5 months) to bed, he lies down, looks as if he's going to sleep, i leave the room and he gets up. Repeat. Tonight, we've just completed this ten times. And I actually broke my no smacking rule.

He has bed rails up, but he shuffles to the end of the bed, and then climbs out. Stands at the stairgate shouting. I've tried ignoring him, but he gets louder. I'm not willing to regress to sitting with him till he falls asleep. But what really aggravates me is that he falls asleep so easily for my childminder. Admittedly, this is for an afternoon nap, not an overnight sleep. But my childminder takes the same routine that I do.

So, what the hell do I do?

no eye contact

stern voice 'bed'

take back

and repeat

smacking at that age for getting up I can understand but it's a reaction, try not to react

my 3.5 yr old still does this

me and dh take it in tunrs, one upstairs and one downstairs

we're hopign she grows out of it

We had similar with dd1 when she was about 2.8 and moved into a bed from a cot. We didn't resort to staying in the room with her, but dh and I took it in turns to sit at the top of the stairs. We were lucky and it only took a night or two. Whoever was on duty would wait for her to appear, then quietly lead her back to bed and put her in.

I used to sit there with laptop and glass of wine

It was v v frustrating but only for a night or two, she then got the message. Do you have a dp or someone else who can take a turn if you get really fed up/frustrated? Good luck.

put him in a cot?

btw ten times is nothing!
i once did rapid return with ds1 for TWO HOURS!

if you don't want to go back to cot then just keep doing what you're doing. sit outside his room, and keep putting him back

thisisyesterday I agree with you, 10 times is nothing. 2-3 year olds are persistent little monkeys ime.

(hence my dd2 is well over 2 and still in a cot. However today she had one leg almost over the edge so we are going to have to face this again very soon)

You will win the battle eventually. Agree completely re the no engagement rule - you're not there to argue or debate the matter, just stick him back in his cot. And actually it helps you to cope if you can disengage a bit - it becomes annoying rather than stressful, IYSWIM.

Maybe try giving him a picture book to look at in his cot - might help him settle himself?

I don't have a dp to take over, I know ten times is nothing. There's been times I've counted five times that. But he's used to the bed, used to the room, used to the routine.

I don't want/practically can't go back to a cot for the sole reason that'd involve spending money we don't have for a short period of time (my xp has the cot, and getting it to me would be impractical, possibly unsafe)

Hope this is a short lived phase for him op

I remember it being very frustrating/stressful. (look out for a similar thread from me in the New Year when we eventually move dd2!)

I hope so, too, lollipop. It's lasted four weeks so far...

hmm i know you say you don't want to sit with him, but i am a fairly firm believer that when children seem to be saying that they want us then we need to respond.
i think at 23 months he's too small to really be winding you up... my gut feeling would be that he wants YOU. and there will be a reason for that, even if it isn't obvious right now.

I dunno, maybe i am soft. I guess i'd do the sitting with him, or letting him come down for a bit until he is sleepier... it'll pass

diamond, I wouldn't usually smack him. I think at the moment, I'm as close to exhausted as I can get (I've been ill for five weeks, balancing college, and this has just knocked it out of me) I leave the dimmer switch on, so it's not so bright he can't sleep, but also so that it leaves a glow in the room.

I try to keep to tyhe same bedtiome, because iof the fact I'm at college during the week, and he needs to be not too tired for the childminders.

It's hard enough dealing with this stuff when you have a partner - it sounds to me like you're doing bloody well and should be very proud of yourself.

There will be a day when he just goes to sleep and stays asleep, I promise. It does get easier.

Sorry @ shiney

hassled, thanks. I'm hoping so too.

DD did this a lot when she was getting used to her big bed, it doesn't go on forever, honestly.

When she won't go to sleep straight away now, she just sits in her bed shouting 'MUMMY I need a drink/need a cuddle/I am awake/where's daddy, what you doing?, Im shouting you! (2.9)

I just return to bed with minimum attention - ie don't reward with lots of fuss whether good or bad, and ignore any shouting that doesn't sound like a broken bone

It is so frustrating though, when you are shattered and just need them to stop

How long is he napping during the day? I had to reduce my LO naps at 2 years old, to only an hour otherwise he would not settle at night.

For me, not at all. he refuses to nap for me. For childminder, between an hour and two and a half hours
(which I've told her is far too long)

Agree that 2 year olds are absolute buggers. We are currently going through the night waking thing "mummy fix my covers" six times a night.

This to shall pass.

Repeat ad infinitum.

I've just discovered bthat .45 am does exist and is not the imaginary timer I set my alarm for during term time. Alll I'm saying is thank god for cbeebies. Catch you all tonight

This may not at all work for you but...I co-slept with my twins until they were 5 yrs old, (they're now 8)at which point they transitioned without any problems into their own beds into their own rooms and sleep alone fine now.

When I was PG, I'd read all about Attachment Parenting and The Continuum Concept and realised that it's unnatural for young children to be expected to sleep alone. Their natural instincts are to look for their parents/ carers, especially at night in the dark.

That's why they say it takes so long - for SOME children, not all - to comply with the 'return to your own bed and go to sleep thing' - because it goes against their instincts and why it's also hard for parents to enforce it - leading to inconsistency. We're sort of designed to snuggle up in a heap all together!

I realise this may be a complete anathema to you and many other reading this but I'm only saying it to out your child's behaviour into a context where it's only doing what it's pre-programmed to do. If you can understand better that this is it's motivation, then maybe you will respond differently, even if you still plan to 'train it' to sleep alone.

As I'm single and had children late on in life and never expected to have 'an evening' for several years, once I'd had children, then maybe it was easier for me to do this. It's also meant that when we co-slept, I went to sleep at the same time as they did. This might not at all work for you.

A compromise - although this might confuse your child at first, as you're already trying the sleep-alone-training thing, is to lie down and snuggle for maybe half an hr with your child, until they drop off to sleep. That might make it feels secure and happy enough to then relax and sleep. At this age, children need loads and loads of physical contact and we don't always have time during the day to give this. I was still b/feeding my twins at that age (till 28 months) and most of their pleasure was because they could feel/ smell and see me close up.

Now the rider to this is that, if I had my time again, I might have done a lighter version of sleep training around age 3 to 4 because my need for 'me time' began to outweigh my need to help them feel safe and protected and loved. So i fully understand why most others in the Western world, do it differently.

I just wanted to contextualise where your son is coming from and this might help you to 'step into his shoes' for a bit and respond differently. Good luck