Have any of you ever been to a 'CAF' meeting??

[QueenofVenus]

I have on tommorow morning and im nervous Its for my unborn baby (due in about 8 weeks) What should i expect? Can anyone give me any advice? Id realy appreciate it

I haven't been to one but we nearly had to go down that route for DD1.
All the professionals involved in your case will be there and you are able to take someone with you.
Make sure someone is taking minutes and you are introduced to everyone there, and if there is anything you don't understand, stop and ask them to explain.

A CAF is "common assessment framework". They are just to give you extra support, extra funding if needed and ensure there is a plan in place rather than 4 workers doing the same support in different ways.
Its not scarcy, should only be you and worker during assessment and you decide who will part of the TAC meetings, so could be you, health visitor, partner and teacher.
HTH and good luck

I should spend some time 'Celebrating the positive' so there should be some discussion about 'good' things as well as looking at getting help/support for other stuff

and should add, this is for what you need/want NOT want they think you might need, so make sure you say what you want from this

Have you filled in the form with someone & this is the actual meeting or is it the initial form filling in bit?

Have filled in the form with my midwife, and this is the first actual meeting re 'things' people i have spoken to already have said its not too scary, but i have never experienced anything like this before, i find it all scary Feel like i have no control over anything in my life anymore, even tho they are trying to help, theres just so much 'protocol' they have to follow, it seems far more important that all involved 'authorities' follow the correct and legal procedures, ticking the right boxes etc etc then it is for me and my children (inc one not yet here) to be AND feel safe! Im not saying they dont care, but they dont know me, and they dont know the level of physical/mental/emotional abuse thats been suffered by my ex, they only know whats written on paper, and so must do/follow whatever procedure is the 'norm' Maybe i sound ungrateful for the help and support im being offered, i dont mean to. Just feel there are too many rights for my ex

sounds tough and not ungrateful at all. You should decide who is at your meetings, and please do say something if your not happy. Do you have someone supporting you? Can you take someone just for you, not your midwife, either a friend or a worker from a supportive service?

Have filled in the form with my midwife, and this is the first actual meeting re 'things' - good the process has started

people i have spoken to already have said its not too scary, but i have never experienced anything like this before, i find it all scary sad Feel like i have no control over anything in my life anymore, even tho they are trying to help, - OK They really are trying to help, remember to ask for stuff you want & not just agree to everything. Tell them you feel insecure with their input

theres just so much 'protocol' they have to follow, it seems far more important that all involved 'authorities' follow the correct and legal procedures, ticking the right boxes etc etc then it is for me and my children (inc one not yet here) to be AND feel safe! I understand - but they have to follow procedure

Im not saying they dont care, but they dont know me, and they dont know the level of physical/mental/emotional abuse thats been suffered by my ex, they only know whats written on paper, and so must do/follow whatever procedure is the 'norm' stick up for yourself

Maybe i sound ungrateful for the help and support im being offered, i dont mean to. Just feel there are too many rights for my ex sad not ungrateful at all

Be positive

Queen If you had a choice, would you choose not to attend?

Without having been through it yet, what help do you think you could do with?

You know, it is always possible if you are scared, to remain pretty quiet throughout the meeting and just listen. You don't have to answer any questions or agree to anything on the spot, you can always say 'thank you, - that sounds like it might be helpful, but I'll need to think about it and get back to you', and when asked questions you could always reply 'I'm not very good at articulating, - if you write the question down for me, I'll think about how best to answer and might have to do it in writing.'

also try and meet with lead proffessional beforehand and go though any worries before meetings, they can be big and scarcy. also write anything down before hand. I have to do this before any meetings about my kids, and Im normally in on CAF, so please dont feel worried/concerned about doing this.
HTH

I do want to go, i need to know what they can do to help me protect my children. But, my greatest fear, is one that they cannot help me with - his 'rights' for access to this child I know he has rights, but i know how awful, terrifying, an horrific he is and has been to his son and my 3 children when we were together, i cant describe how scared i am of him, makes me feel physically sick just thinking about him, to know that he has 'rights' to this child, and that those rights keep him a part of my life (no matter how limited) puts the fear of god into me, i truly truly cant bare it. What about my rights as this baby's mother, to know whats best for her/him?? What about his/her rights to be protected from such a pyschotic and unstable individual?? JUST because he/she has his DNA.

Sorry to rant And yes i do have someone coming with me, my mum, she is great!And i have a wonderful, and large network of support - a large family and lots of very very good friends. Plus the father of my 3 other children, isnt just my ex, he is one of my bestest friends, and he's always there too.

i guess that you may need to ask the police to be involved and then they could help with the protection part you are worried about. Is he likely to want to see baby? You CAN refuse, he would then have to take it to court. If he is still giving you a hard time, keep a diary to use in court if needed. You can also request an assessment of him and childs safety with backing from proffessionals, if you feel he is a serious risk to the kids.
HTH

He is a serious risk to the kids, he has joint custody of his 6yo son, and used to scream, literally SCREAM in his face over absolutley nothing My kids have never exp anything like that, i was only with him just over a year, and my dd (just turned 4) used to wet herself all the time, alot more when he was around her Im no professional, but i would very very seriously stake my life on him having a very serious mental disorder!

How did it go?

Did you get any help?

Hello, just a little update incase anyone interested in my random and chaotic life! The meeting went well was a far more supportive and positive exp then i expected! Have police increasing their high visibilty patrols (???) here! And the local police are coming to do a security assesment on the house, and they are going to put in a panic alarm, security lights etc. As for his rights, well as i expected they cant really comment, that is up to the courts/judges, but they said "looking at his file, they are amazed he's not in jail, and would be VERY surprised if he had any rights re ANYTHING let alone a child" - it'll still always be at the back of my mind tho All in all, my mum and i came away feelin alot better about things Thankyou ever so much for all the help and info xxxx