Help me Mumsnet! DS has self esteem issues already and his behaviour is challenging at present,

[JollyPirate]

DS is driving me mad at the moment - he's a lovely little boy who has some dyspraxic tendancies and who may be dyslexic as well.

However, just recently the behaviour has been dire. Tonight while I was on the phoneto his grandmother (who had rung me to check when we would be arriving for Xmas) DS went into a meltdown because he couldn't defeat an alien on the PSP which my ex was so keen for him to have.

I pointed out to DS that I was on the phone and that I would help him when finished. DS then started climbing on the table and was told to get off (he did) and I asked him to wait in the living room until I finished talking to his grandmother. At this point he blew a massive rasberry at me (spitting all over the tabler and me in the process ).

I promptly removed the PSP which is on top of the highest cupboard in the house and told him he would only get it back tomorrow if his behaviour improved this evening. In a rage because of this he hit me and then attempted to kick me He was literally raging at me - he is only 7 but I can only imagine what he will be like as a teenager if this carries on. (JP hopes some kind MNer will be along to tell her that behaviour DOES improve).

I turned into Jo Frost at this point, got down to his eye level and did some stern talking and finger wagging before sitting him on the stairs for a spot of time out. He has now calmed down but I haven't. I did all the right things afterwards - engaged him in something positive and he also apologised. But then he said
"I don't know how to be good". I told him that he DID know how to be good because most of the time he is REALLY good. And then came the crap and sad comment "I'm not a good boy I'm a rubbish boy"

I know DS DOES find some things difficult and I know his self esteem is shot because of this. He has lots of support in school because of his difficulties and no longer cries when asked to write for example - he still cannot read though and I know he realises his clasamates can.

How on earth do I sort out the challengiong behaviour without making him feel worse about himself than he already does? I will NOT accept kicking or hitting or spitting at me or anyone else. I think the point went across today.... until next time. However, I am sat here feeling crap because he said "I am a rubbish boy".

I lack a 7 year old DS, but as a child I had rock bottom self esteem so I will attempt to help.

Positive reinforcement, which I'm sure you do already, although don't be too obvious as being 7 he may well suss what you're doing! But anything that he genuinely does well (may even be something as simple as laying the table) could be commented upon.

Giving him jobs to do, asking for his help (chopping veg is a good one as it involves a lovely big sharp knife) then commenting positively

A hobby that he has a passion for / enjoys.
Swimming, games workshop, whatever you can think of. Invaluable, would let him see himself achieving and being successful, overcoming challenges, especially if he has struggled academically.

FWIW I has a nightmare of a time learning to read and write, I was in all the bottom sets until around the age of 7 or 8, but eventually the penny dropped. My reading and writing skills are very, very good now, I think it just took me longer to get the whole concept. Best of luck to your DS and a virtual chuck on the chin and a hair ruffle from me.

Thank you Nemofish . Better this morning - am making sure I praise all his excellent behaviour.