Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

I dont love my baby!

9 replies

char24 · 17/12/2009 15:50

In have1 child who is 2 and a half who is the light of my life and a 5 months old, he is a nightmare. I stuggled to breast feed him but managed 3 months and now i have to battle with him 9/10 to get any milk in him. Feeding times fill me full of anxiety and anger, I am tired and if he doesnt drink enough just means I am going to get tireder as he will wake in the night. I have spoken to the doc and am taking anti depressants but I just dont feel they are hleping, I look at him and I feel nothing, I feel so guilty, I am his world but he is not mine. Any advice please......

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mrsshackleton · 17/12/2009 16:01

Only that I feel desperately sorry for you

I didn't really love my dd2 until she was nearly one. I would have done anything for her but there wasn't real love. She was a very difficult baby, I was exhausted, I felt she'd been dropped into our happy lives and ruined everything. It was exactly this time of year when it's so bloody cold and dark that I was at my lowest ebb.

Now she is 2.7 and I adore her. As she developed more of a personality I became completely besotted by her.

So these feelings do change, I promise. Tiredness is a terrible thing and can put everything out of proportion. But you should go back to the doc and tell him/her the antidepressants aren't working

Thinking of you

midori1999 · 17/12/2009 16:09

Well, if the doctor has put you on Anti depressants, then he obviously thinks you have PND< so I would go back to him. Research has shown that anti depressants work best when combined with other therapies, such as counselling.

On the other hand, maybe you just did so well with your first child, that you expected this one to be the same, and when things became difficult you felt disappointed an that feeling has grown.

I really doubt you don't love your son, even if you feel like you do. I had PND with my first son, and when he wa ssix week sold took him to my Mum's for the night so I could go out, and didn't want to pick him up again. I left him there for a week before my Mum demanded I collect him. I felt like he was not my son, but just this baby I had to look after, like he could have been anyone's baby. I think I had heard so much about 'bonding' and how wonderful women feel when they have their babies, and I just didn't feel like that. I had a dreadful labour, and I remember counting his fingers and toes when they put him on me after he was born. I didn't even carenif he had them all, I just thought that was what you did.

I didn't really feel maternal until I had DS3, and even now, pregnant again, I realise I am just not 'that type', not at all Mumsy, but I do love my children, deeply.

Go back to your GP and explain how you feel. Anti depressants can take some time to really start working, but not all GP's are that great at dealing with depresson.

Original poster

char24 · 17/12/2009 16:18

Thanks, i certainly dont feel so bad now i know i am not the only one who has felt like this. My first wasnt an easy baby but i was very much in love with him instantly, I had a bad pregancy and was on steroids and thyroid medication I am just hoping that things will level out soon.
I feel so guilty I brought him into this world and alot of the time i wish he wasnt here, god that sounds so bad. i know this feeling will get better i just hope things change soon as i feel my negativity towards him is rubbing off on my 2 year old

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

TheCrackFox · 17/12/2009 16:23

I think you are being really hard on yourself. It is very hard work having a baby and a 2 year old and this will make you exhausted and grumpy. Things will get better but it may take time.

Do you have a good support system around you? DH, family and friends?

Please go back to the GP for a chat.

Original poster

char24 · 17/12/2009 16:49

We moved to be nearer my mum in march this year and she has been a brick but again I feel terrible because she is worried about me, I also have an impending appointment with a consultant about possible galbladder removal just to add additional crap to the pile.
I am my own worst critic, I see so many other mother breezing through their days and enjoying being a housewife and mother and all I want to do is go to work and get away from things.Which goes against my own values of a mother should raise her children.
I will go back to my GP he knows me well as we are in and out of the surgery ever other day at the moment as both kids have been and still are unwell, its a never ending stream of colds and chest infection, I know this makes things even harder but I just cant see the wood from the trees/

OP posts:

annatw9 · 17/12/2009 16:51

im so sorry that you are feeling this way - but i think its really good that you are being honest and straightforward in describing the problem - still one of the parenting taboos - as you have. the fact is that you are dedicated already to looking after your baby, to providing physically for him and keeping him safe, so deep down im sure you feel that your feelings will change and grow for him. be very patient with yourself, keep getting support from your GP and others who might help, and look after yourself, your health, and your children, everything else will come.

mrsshackleton · 17/12/2009 16:55

Maybe you need to rethink your values? A lot of women hate being sahms and if you have a difficult baby it's a nightmare

I work and have done since both dds were three months (self employed so no ml). It saved my sanity imo. As I say, I could not possibly love my dds more

ImSoNotTelling · 17/12/2009 17:14

Just to add my support I have a 2yo and a 5mo too and it is very hard. I was talking to DH last night about how someone on here once said something about how not all women have that instant love thing with their children, but slowly fall in love with them over time. It is so true.

I think you need to try not to be so hard on yourself, you have an awful lot on your plate, it's not surprising you feel as you do. It's not forever though, babies grow and things get easier.

Also about everyone else doing so well with their children - you never really know - the person I know with the outwardly perfect life and immaculate children has a stash of valium in her bathroom. Please try not to judge yourself against what you see of others.

I also feel like going back to work all the time as well, it's so much easier than looking after little ones, please don't feel bad for feeling that. And like mrsshackleton says, it wouldn't be the end of the world if you did think about your options there. Nothing is in stone.

spanna74 · 17/12/2009 20:37

Char - I started such a similar thread today (please tell me i am not an awful mother) DD2 is 5.5 months and I don't feel any of the same feelings i had for DD1 (now 2 and 3/4) and have been struggling to bond with her. I find her such and burden and even resent her at times. Don't really have any advice (but reading through the other posts there is lots of good advice there for me too) but just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one who feels like this.

Flip